Is my husband overly critical or am I lazy?

[orangesky1]

Gosh I feel like I can't see the wood from the trees and could do with an objective perspective.

We have a 10 month old baby. I went back to work at 6 months for financial reasons. I work full time in a demanding professional role. My husband works 4 days and has one day at home with the baby.

He is thriving. He finishes work every day at 4pm so has time to go to the gym most days. I don't finish until around 6 and also do nursery runs as its near to my work. Im not jealous, that's how our jobs are, but he is constantly criticizing me. For not exercising, for not reading anything intellectual, for not taking care of myself.

I'm drained. Practically I don't have time to go to the gym due to work/nursery hours. I like to run and swim outside but with the daylight hours as they are I can't do this in the week. He says I do have time and I am not that busy I just don't manage my time properly.

I just feel like he niggles at every little thing. I've started doing work in the evenings claiming its urgent as I can't face spending time with him. I want to slob on the sofa watching something trashy but know he will judge. I know this is lazy, am I being self indulgent? I feel like he is too critical, I'm in reasonable shape, I've got a demanding job and a small-ish baby, isn't that enough?

OMG you have a baby!

He is abusive.

You are doing tons.

So your tiny baby is in childcare two hours longer everyday because he needs the gym.

You sound like his project, not the mother of his child.

I think he sounds absolutely vile and you sound bullied and beaten down by trying to keep to his self improvement regime.

Christ. Sounds horrific.

He sounds awful. I've just gone back to work with an almost one year old and I work from home and I still don't have time to do all those things. And I finish at 4:30. I'm just tired a lot because I have a small baby - as do you! He sounds awful, DH wouldn't even think of being such a dick to me.

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

You have less energy on Friday because you are TIRED. Breast feeding saps your energy and you are working hard too. But rather than recognising you are knackered, you feel guilty. And he piles on too, doubling down on that. It is ok to have less energy, that is very normal. Why are you so tough on yourself??

Also - It seems like you are finding it hard to acknowledge how shitty your DH is being.... other posters are more outraged than you. Seems to me like you are underreacting.

Coming on to say exactly what Comtesse just did! You're suffering 100% of the sleep deprivation, plus you're breastfeeding (which totally drained me of energy).

Of course he has more energy and enthusiasm to do stuff than you do. Perhaps you should do an experiment one Friday and Saturday night - wake him up every time you feed the baby overnight. And then suggest he's not quite so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as he normally is on Sunday. See whether he finds it amusing...

Your use of language says it all.
A long sea swim and a shower afterwards and you still feel bad for 'dumping baby on him'. It's HIS baby. You're not dumping anything, it's not childcare or babysitting, he's looking after his child, his baby, your baby. You don't have to feel an ounce of guilt for a dad being in charge of looking after his own baby!

Also the guilt free sofa stuff. I can see that you're trying to remain positive but you also seem to be wearing Rose tinted glasses and not allowing to feel what you feel to the FULL extent. I am guessing it's fear. Fear of your own feelings. It is scary, when you first start to notice how fucked over you are being treated, when you're a people pleaser.

You sound wonderful and he sounds like a dickhead. That’s all I can say.