Hello, first ever post, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice?
I've been with my partner 4 year and we both are in agreement that we want to have children. I'm 34 and he's 38. We are not in a great financial situation, we are both artists and have freelance type jobs to make money. I don't think we will ever have loads of money but we are resourceful and loving and we think we can make having children work.
The issue is that I feel like he just keep putting it off, it's never the right time to start trying. The conversations about having children are starting to make me more upset and the last discussion ended in an argument. He said that I'm pressuring him and these conversations are making him want to have children less.
I've tried telling him that I feel the longer you leave it the harder it might be to conceive and there are higher risks of complications. Plus it can take time to conceive anyway. Another issue is that he never wants to have sex, it might be once a month if I'm lucky. Another factor that might make conceiving slow or difficult.
I'm starting to feel like a crazy woman and a bit unsure of what to do!
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Relationships
My partner is putting off trying for a baby
Birdland86 · 20/11/2020 14:24
I felt bad for him because...
You've said this a few times as your reasoning for not asserting your own needs.
Why don't you value yourself enough to feel bad for yourself here?
His actions have told you loudly over and over that he doesn't want children, he doesn't want to try for children, he doesn't want a future with children in it.
The relationship met both of your needs at one point. It doesn't anymore: he wants a totally different future and lifestyle to you.
That is sad and it is worth grieving. But that grief and loss are survivable - and, it seems, necessary. Loss is an intrinsic part of life, running from it doesn't change that.
Whilst it's understandable that both of you are trying to postpone grieving for the loss of a relationship that's been very important to each of you, the price you're likely to pay for doing so is to be left with a much greater lifelong grief for the children and life you never had.
Ending the relationship doesn't wipe away your history together and all the good things it's brought into your life or how it's shaped the person you are. Its ending doesn't devalue what you have shared or the love you've had, it just recognises that it's time for you both to move on. All of those things will remain even if he is no longer physically in your life. 
I left my ex after 5 years for the same reason (and more). I even moved to another country for him, he promised he would find work. We hadn't talked much about kids but I knew I wanted them before I turned 35.
He never worked, stayed up all night drinking. We didn't have sex for 2 years and before that it was maybe once a month or less. I asked how are we going to have kids when you never want sex?! Or with him drinking all night and playing video games.
I met someone else and left him when I was 29.
I have two children now (I am late thirties)
It took me almost a year to become pregnant with my first, and that was with regular sex! 
He is just paying you lip service. His actions are telling you that he doesn't want kids. You can do better OP :-)
@WildfirePonie
He never worked, stayed up all night drinking. We didn't have sex for 2 years and before that it was maybe once a month or less. I asked how are we going to have kids when you never want sex?! Or with him drinking all night and playing video games.
I met someone else and left him when I was 29.
I have two children now (I am late thirties)
It took me almost a year to become pregnant with my first, and that was with regular sex!
He is just paying you lip service. His actions are telling you that he doesn't want kids. You can do better OP :-)
Oh my god 2 years without having sex. Did he want kids? I wonder now if we are together longer it could end up like this.
He is def not into video games but does drink every night.
@thesunwillout
He'll carry on this way forever.
He can make sure his world and lifestyle isn't changed by a baby by not having sex and putting off the idea.
If a baby came along he wouldn't be a good dad, he'd be lazy.
Yep I've been there, with someone in a similar mindset, but he actually desperately wanted a child with me.
Novelty wore off, he turned back to his arts, weed, not doing much and then left.
We were married.
He left us behind and never looked back or saw his child again.
I thought we had a good foundation for being parents.
You don't have it at all. Not with him.
Honestly op you'll be 40 so quickly, your 30's go so fast.
X
That's so sad that he left and never saw you both again, I'm so sorry
What you say really rings true, I think he's happy as he is doing very little. When I (nicely) voiced my my concerns that I just can't see kids happening with us if we carry on like this he thought I was being unfair and couldn't understand it.
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