How can I have a relationship in this situation?

[DatingDilemmas]

I am 46. I have two children of 22 and 15. I split up from their dad 8 years ago. He has been in a relationship since about 6 months after we split up.

I've had a few short term flings but nothing serious and no one I've really involved my kids with. They met the last man I dated a few times but that's all.

They both still live at home. Eldest at university and youngest doing GCSEs.

The youngest spends alternate weekends at her dad's. And this is my time to do what Iike. She doesn't see him otherwise and we have no other family. I have 4 nights a month.

I've recently started seeing someone and she has explicitly said that she doesn't want me seeing him when she is at home and I have alternate weekends when she's not here to do what I like.

I'm not going to prioritise a man or myself over her but I wondered how other people manage it.

I feel it's unfair that her dad gets to build a whole new life for himself while mine is still on hold waiting for the children to leave home.

I purposely haven't pursued a serious relationship so that I would always be able to prioritise them and have only had casual flings. But i would really like something more serious now.

It isn't her fault. She didn't ask to be in this situation.

You seem to think somehow you aren't a proper adult because you're single. You know more than your son and you have the right to assert yourself over him when he acts like he's your equal. He's not.

Well, he is an equal - he's an adult now. You've got to shift your behaviours a bit with adult children. But I agree that OP needs to stand her ground - he's not the dictator of the house or of her. They need to do what adults do and agree to disagree, and she needs to do what she wants to do without running scared of his reactions. He doesn't get to control her and create an atmosphere, and there needs to be respect.

@category12

You seem to think somehow you aren't a proper adult because you're single. You know more than your son and you have the right to assert yourself over him when he acts like he's your equal. He's not.

Well, he is an equal - he's an adult now. You've got to shift your behaviours a bit with adult children. But I agree that OP needs to stand her ground - he's not the dictator of the house or of her. They need to do what adults do and agree to disagree, and she needs to do what she wants to do without running scared of his reactions. He doesn't get to control her and create an atmosphere, and there needs to be respect.

He's 22. He's not an equal to a woman in her 40s. He thinks he is I'm sure but he is not.

I've explained to him before that he is an adult in the house but not the adult in the house.

He's 22. He's not an equal to a woman in her 40s. He thinks he is I'm sure but he is not.
Hmm, seems a tad ageist to me. Yes, a young person has less experience, but they can also have a fresh perspective, insight and not have the baggage or pattern of behaviours of an older person.

I've explained to him before that he is an adult in the house but not the adult in the house.
That's a good way of putting it.

@category12

He's 22. He's not an equal to a woman in her 40s. He thinks he is I'm sure but he is not. Hmm, seems a tad ageist to me. Yes, a young person has less experience, but they can also have a fresh perspective, insight and not have the baggage or pattern of behaviours of an older person.

I've explained to him before that he is an adult in the house but not the adult in the house.
That's a good way of putting it.

If OP started dating a 22 year old man would you say that's fine, they are equals? Or would you think it was weird because the OP is twice his age and an experienced adult whereas the 22 year old has only been an adult for a handful of years? It's not ageist to say that mature, experienced people are not the same as very young adults. Obviously all humans have the same intrinsic value but seniority exists and exists for a reason.