Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Guess I just don't know whether to just leave it now after i've sent a thank you for the walk text and he's replied or suggest another date?

LongtimelurkerL Well it has progressed beyond just friendship. I'll leave it a week or so and then send a text to see if he is still going to do the work mid/late January!!

@LongtimelurkerL I was going to say that it’s really rude behaviour and to maybe wait for him to contact you and then decide if you want to go further.

But then I remembered that Mr R went cold after the first time we had sex. Having had about 50 messages the day before the next day I had about 4. So I slowed contact, freaked out, and dated someone else. We met a week later and I demanded exclusivity and a few weeks later told him off for his behaviour after sex. In his eyes he had a lovely time and he felt he had said how much he liked me (although I cynically thought that just be playing or ‘future faking’) and felt our first time was intense and he needed a day by himself.

Bugger! Sorry I think I meant @GlassHalfFull1

@stealthninjamummy haha was just going to say you might have got us muddled. So far this 'old friend' is being rude. He replied to my this morning thank you message (we went for a 5 hour walk on Sunday) in 8 mins.....

LongtimelurkerL He has consistently replied within a few hours for the past 3 weeks and it was 50/50 who sent the first text so I think that is telling me all I need to know. Ah well it was a fun night/morning - I went with an open mind. Glad your one is being more communicative.

@LongtimelurkerL if I've seen someone for a date and don't feel any connection I usually send a brief message saying so and wish them luck or there's some mutual ghosting if it's obvious that neither party wants to meet again. If I'm interested in meeting up, I'll say I had a great time and would like to meet again, and wait for them to respond. However I've also been told I've been quite keen by one or two women - it was meant jokingly, but there's probably some truth there so I expect most guys are less up front about it.

I've also had a couple of dates that have resulted in friendship, and each time I've said it was lovely to meet, don't see a romantic future but would love to stay in touch as friends.

I definitely wouldn't match with someone I already knew on an app unless I was interested in seeing them for a date. I've seen a few friends/work colleagues on apps, and would always swipe left.

I also wouldn't respond instantly - if I'm not keen on seeing someone, I'll feel less enthusiastic about replying.

But that's just me - it's usually pretty obvious if someone is keen to meet, and I've found if you're wondering about it, it's usually because they aren't. But then again, these are strange times, and they may be keen to meet you, just not during lockdown. So I'm not sure if I've helped at all really

@LongtimelurkerL Did he thank you for the walk too ? 5 hours is a really good long time together and he is responsive - I would see that as a positive. Maybe just say 'would you like to go on a proper date once lockdown is over?'

@GlassHalfFull1 urgh what a nightmare. Yeah try to take it for what it is. Well we only ‘reconnected’ on the app on Thursday so he has time to flake

@TheCatWithTheHat yeah this is like me. I always send a message afterwards either saying thanks let’s have another date or nice to meet but not interested. I think covid is confusing me as normally I’d say no kiss not interested but then there’s covid and it’s a date walking in a park which as others have said isn’t entirely sexy!

@HairyArsedMan well this is what I think - why would he have matched with me on an app if he didn’t want to go on a date? Then why would he have said yes to one?? Yeah he said it was lovely too and then answered a question I asked. Just wary of me being the one asking for all the dates? Who bloomin’ knows - maybe text in a few days when we know what lockdown is doing to ask about a ‘real date?’

"My" guy has well and truly gone. If I text he will reply with a few words

I know he was quite ill and waiting for hospital tests.

Would you bother in these circumstances or just leave it

@Newuser991 I would leave it for now. He doesn't sound available to you.

@GlassHalfFull1 I would be very tempted to confirm the job (assuming his quote is reasonable etc) so it's blanked out in his diary then cancel him just before it starts, without explanation. Give him a taste of his own medicine - rudeness.

Delete number / block etc?

TiggerDatter I'd love to do that but don't think I could - he did say on Saturday that he couldn't charge me under the circumstances now but I refused. We had discussed weeks ago when we were 'friends' what we are both looking for - same - but that was before things heated up a bit. I'll leave it for a while and text him to see if he is still want to do it - tell him I am ok with him doing it but if he'd rather not to let me know.

Wow @GlassHalfFull1 that is definitely rude and out of order behaviour. All grown men know women like to hear from them after they have had sex. To pretend otherwise is inauthentic. This wasn't a hook up. This was with someone you have known a long time. And you messaged him a friendly question.

@Newuser991 yes definitely leave this one now. Up to you if you block. If you don't he will come back at some point with a half hearted attempt at an excuse to test if he still has you dangling.

@LongtimelurkerL hmm tricky. I did meet up with someone i knew of old that I'd seen on a dating app. It was before swiping and I did just want to catch up. No intention of being romantic. I hope I was clear about it though.

@Notcoolmum if you don’t mind me asking how did you make it obvious?

I honestly can't remember @LongtimelurkerL and now I'm hoping that I did. I played it heavy on funny to see him on the site great to catch up and find out what he'd been up to. It was a long time ago so I'm wondering now if I was clear enough. But I know my body language on the meet up was clear. We didn't meet up again.

Argh! Maybe I’m being really dense @Notcoolmum!! Covid adds to the not knowing from body language. I’m thinking once I hear what the announcement is today I might text him again, say tomorrow and actually use the word date ie - want to go on a ‘proper date to the pub?’. Worst is that he doesn’t want to and I’m embarrassed but I guess at least I’ll know!?

Yeh I think I'd do the same @LongtimelurkerL Covid def makes things much harder. Best to know.

Hey everyone, could do with some advice.
Been with Mr Chaos for around a month and it's like something has switched these last two days. His contact has dropped and although I have spoken to him it's not been the same (i.e. I called him sunday lunchtime after he hadn't read my morning message but he never called back, just whatsapped me - he always calls because he doesn't like texting?)
Then today he said to call in the morning which I did but he didn't answer, called again around lunchtime and he was quite short and said he'll call me back in a few hours and I've not heard anything since :(

He was working this weekend but didn't want to see me sat or sun eve and I said earlier that I'd like to see him and he said "yeah soon" so I just don't know, I've been an anxious mess!

I'm trying not to overthink but when my previous relationship ended (due to cheating) I found out because of a complete drop in communication so my head is going into overdrive. I know this is my problem so I'm trying not to let it get to me but it's stressing me out!

I don't really know what advice I'm after, I just think I'm going to end up being dumped :(

Oh and it's been going really well up until this weekend, making tentative plans for future trips etc and lots of nice things said/done

Jonsnowsghost you've made lots of effort so I'd just leave it now.

I've had more than one relationship end due to cheating and they both suddenly did a 180° switch and were no longer bothered about talking to me.

I regret not just leaving it when they became distant. I wish I had not kept pushing it for them to have to turn around and tell me straight that was it.

This might not be the case. They could well come back and might just have had a bad weekend

It could be contact relaxing after a month

If you honestly think you're going to end up dumped, @Jonsnowsghost, are you not a little bit tempted to get in there first? It does sound like a dramatic switch... If not, then I would suggest deleting his number and chat, and just sit on your hands to see if/when he comes back and what he says. The longer the change in comms continues, the ruder he is being and the easier it will be to say 'Nah mate, that's not good enough for me' if he comes up with a less than watertight reason. Hopefully at this very early stage you are not over-invested and can walk away easily if needs be?

I agree with what @TiggerDatter said @Jonsnowsghost

Delete number, I’d also start getting my profile back up - even just to chat as obviously there’s bit of a lead time on meeting.

“Hanging in there” for a month long interaction which already isn’t making you happy...not worth it.

Outside of app dating I’d maybe have given it more time, but with the apps the chances are someone else has caught his eye and he’s semi-ghosting you “just in case” it doesn’t work out with that someone else