Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Givemeabreakpls same re the weight! Argh!!
Yeah I’m not sure how to even go about getting a kiss at the end of a date on a walk? Anyone know how to indicate interest whilst standing next to some one rather than across a table? All the touching, eye contact stuff doesn’t really work

@LongtimelurkerL

"@Givemeabreakpls same re the weight! Argh!!
Yeah I’m not sure how to even go about getting a kiss at the end of a date on a walk? Anyone know how to indicate interest whilst standing next to some one rather than across a table? All the touching, eye contact stuff doesn’t really work"

Following this particular post with interest for my date next week. Haven't kissed anyone in 4 years

So I had a really lovely phone chat with Mr Festival tonight. Easy, comfortable, lots in common. Nice voice. And some nice follow-up on WhatsApp. Problem is, he is really not very attractive. And I worry I wouldn't fancy him. He's tall and chunky which is fine. But otherwise someone I would swipe left on without a second thought. But it was Hinge and I liked what he wrote. Don't know if I could ever see myself being physically attracted to him though. And I need that.

Has anyone been there? And ended up fancying them despite initially finding them physically off-putting?

I just make sure my body language faces directly to them when we are talking at the end/goodbye stage. I make proper eye contact.

So who is this Mr Pipes you all keep mentioning???? 😉

I caved... due to all the chat earlier I made a hinge account and a Facebook dating account. Two decent chats on Facebook but they are miles away.

One funny dude on hinge that seems really nice so we will see.

I'm not chasing or bothering... might go on walks next weekend but I'm seriously supposed to be taking a break.
I have a new fresh attitude today tho.

It is... I'm the prize and if your behaviour doesn't demonstrate that well fuck you.

@WeWantTheFinestWines
I hate to mention this name but I was all shrugs going into date 1 with mr planner as I didn't really fancy him from his pictures.
I still get the flutters thinking about it now. It was instant. So wait and see.

craving sorry to remind you of Mr Planner, I know that's still a difficult one for you. But knowing that you weren't keen initially and how you ended up feeling gives me hope. This one definitely knows I'm the prize and he seems to have his shit together. Still can't see me ever fancying him but I'll keep working on it.

@cravingthelook I need to adopt your new attitude! I came off OLD last year after a couple of bad experiences and feeling really shit about myself. I’ve only been on these three dates with this new iron and there’s been zero romance but it’s been a loveky thing to look forward to, but he’s got cooler and cooler as this week has gone on and I feel hit again with feelings of rejection. All from someone I don’t know from Adam! I need to give myself a slap and remember the rules.

I have a friend who seems to be doing really well on Facebook dating, almost a thousand men messaging her. She says she doesn't need to do a thing. I suspect they are all up for sex but she said you can filter on things like academics etc. Might be worth a shot for whomever was wondering.

@Givemeabreakpls don't beat yourself up . It is easy to get carried away . Feeling rejected is never easy even when you don't fancy them . It's still stings abit

@cravingthelook Mr Pipes? No idea... some chancer who thought he was a player on Fab maybe? 😂. Top attitude👌

@WeWantTheFinestWines - not fancying people from profile pics much doesn't have to mean a thing as long as you don't actually find them repulsive! Hate to mention Mr Beard again but I was drunk on a train back from London when I swiped on him but stayed cos of the good chat (he is attractive with a ripped bod but dresses like a twat). But the chemistry was off the scale when we met. Yet Mr Bike looked gorgeous on his photos and when I met him my heart sank - lovely guy, lovely face, amazing hair but ... he wasn't fat exactly but something about his body shape and posture really put me off. I tried to like him, I really did ... but in the end I couldn't force an attraction. It is exceedingly random whether you fancy someone when you meet. Worth a punt I'd say ... (you can thank me later if he turns out to be the love of your life 😂)

@Givemeabreakpls "it was a lovely thing to look forward to" ... my friend who has just been dumped after 6 weeks said that too, but we had a long chat last night and concluded that a lot of it was because life isn't just as good on lockdown and so we do let things assume more importance than they would when our lives are busy and fun. Doesn't make it feel any easier, so sending unmumsnetty hugs but honestly I think after lockdown is finally all over I will be changing my WhatsApp profile description to "If I dated you during 2020 don't get all up yourself - I was upset about coronavirus and let my standards slip."

Thanks @lovellost that’s exactly it, it really does sting. Urgh.

@UtterSocks that made me proper ugly laugh - hilarious ! And great point about lockdown, I think you’re right that it’s foregrounds some stuff that most of the time isn’t such a big deal.

I'm stealing that @UtterSocks

uttersocks I hope his personality, which so far covers kind, funny and intelligent, will make up for the objectively below average looks (think ginger speecy kid who grew up and lost his hair) and I'll end up fancying him. You're all invited to the wedding 🍾🥂

@WeWantTheFinestWines
Oh I like fairish or gingery slightly heavier types - swap him if you don’t want?

bunkbed I wish I did! I like slim and dark. You can't have him though - he's all mine... 😁

Oooh Mr Planner is also a ginge... maybe it's a sign @WeWantTheFinestWines

Just catching up on the thread after a few days!

I met up with Miss Walker again last weekend for another walk outside, but sparks aren't flying. It's hard to know if things would feel different if we had proper dates, but I suspect not. It just shows me that real life meeting is crucial - you can have a million things in common on paper, but that doesn't mean you'll click when you meet.

I then met up with someone I'd been chatting to for a week or two, who suggested a date on Sunday. Another cold walk, and sitting on a bench with a takeaway coffee. Her profile photos were very flattering (and quite a few years old) though, so when she invited me back to hers to "warm up" I made my excuses and headed home.

I then had another cold bench date last night with someone who lives up the road from me. I didn't think we clicked, and I was getting annoyed as she would talk over me as I started to say something. But she messaged me afterwards and said she wanted to see me again, so I had to send a "thanks but no thanks" message, which I still find quite hard to do.

I've also got a few dates lined up over the next few days now that lockdown has finally finished!

One in particular I'm getting on with really well, so hopefully we'll get on in real life when we meet on Friday.

It's interesting seeing the comments about guys not making an effort with messages. I try to put a bit of effort in to saying something more than just Hi whenever I speak to someone (although if they message first and just say hi, and don't have anything in their profile it's usually asking how their week or day is).

However this made me laugh - a woman I matched with recently had a comment in her profile that said "The key to my heart is great conversation". So I put a bit of effort into writing something relating to her profile, and asking a question so she had something to reply to. Her reply to that was simply "hi"...

Good dating @TheCatWithTheHat - hope Friday goes well! Fingers crossed
Anyone know anything about OkCupid online status?

@Givemeabreakpls I'm beginning to realise that the less time you have known someone the more sting there is when they vanish or go off the boil.

@WeWantTheFinestWines ooooh interesting and agree with others that it's all in the reality not the pics. Pheromones + the way they hold themselves + voice + teeth + clothing etc maketh the package.

My last iron was off the scale fanciable to me in the flesh which I did not anticipate from the pics and annoyingly it made me overlook shortcomings in conversational ability (one sided monologue with me saying 'mmmm') a bit, wit, emotional intelligence.
A previous iron looked great in pics and we had the best textual intercourse ever plus absolutely loads in common but honestly as he stepped out of his car and walked towards me that first time was an instant 'Not for me'

@TheCatWithTheHat Sounds like you are doing all the right things. What wording did you use for Ms Let's Get Warm? I always HATE sending the 'I don't fancy you soz text' and sometimes wimp out of it even though I cannot abide being ghosted myself.

I just had a strange one. After swiping left on approximately eleventy billion blokes over the weekend I found myself with a handful of matches and varying levels of messaging. One guy didn't bother even sending a response to my nice chatty opening 'Hey we matched!' msg but instead said 'Here's my number if you'd like to call'. Nearly binned him as love a good texter but instead said I'd call him that evening. Flatly forgot until today when I saw his msg again & said I'd ring later. Nearly didn't as knew zero about him other then scant profile details then did call and funnily enough had a two hour chat. Liked the sound of him a lot, actual two-way Q&A which was refreshing after dire Mr VW shitey chat skills.
Meeting for eats on Saturday.

Funny how it goes isn't it. You just don't know until you do know I guess.

Ps. I'm also very partial to ginger gents.

Just wanted to share with people who understand the travails of OLD. I think I have honestly seen it all now. one gentleman's profile pic was him sitting on the loo, looking serious. Nothing to suggest he was a joker. I give up!

Sitting on the loo?!! No! Honestly you have all cheered me up tonight, thanks for the lift and the laughs

rural he sounds confident, let's get to it, I give great chat so why hang around - and two hours later he's a definite maybe! Very promising - let's hope you like him in the flesh.

cat how many dates?! Impressive work. And the "hi' from the wordsmith is a bit like the dull message from the 'I'm funny' guy.

I'm enjoying the love for a ginger fella on here. I may have to rename him Mr Ginger. He is fabulous on most levels so far - next up, the video call. Could be the clincher.