Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Namechanged1122 welcome aboard. I am also new here so have been learning a lot from the amazing ladies on here .

I also have a walk date next week with an iron I met almost two weeks ago on Facebook dating of all places 🙈.I think I will be wearing a long sleeve knee length dress with leggings and a pair of boots , a lightweight jacket and a scarf 😊

@lovellost oh, I've actually heard a few good things about Facebook dating. I suppose they're all the same though. Good luck! I've deleted my tinder and only chatting to this guy. Will probably use a different approach next time and try chatting to multiple people. Just don't have the energy this time.

Could wear a light jacket but I'm in the north and it's freezing! I'll have to think about it. 😖

I've had FWB's in the past (not many) and feel like that would be idea for me now, but my self esteem is so shot that I don't feel that anyone would want me even in that sense! I remember Fab being fun, but I'm just so nervous about everything. Maybe I do need some time.

How does Facebook dating work? Is it completely separate from your main profile? I'm a bit nervous about trying it as I'm still friends with me exH on there and also colleagues that I would prefer not to see that I am OLD!
Also, how much of your profile can be seen by potential irons?

I was about to ask the same thing - I have just joined Facebook Dating but not sure if you can filter on those near you?

@cravingthelook
I hope he wasnt being dishonest although i would say the majority of men on Fab only want casual.

I think some men dont understand that some women want casual sex and dont need the promise of a relationship.

I have met a guy from fab a few times, I'll call him Mr Tall.
He wants to meet for a coffee on Saturday. I'm not sure what his intentions are as our meets previously have just been for sex. I'm not sure he is the type of guy I want to date, though he hasn't been clear on why he wants to meet for coffee and not at his house...

@30somethingandstillsingle I was sceptical at first but in the 3 weeks I have been on , no one has recognized me thank heaven . It is completely separate from your main profile . You might see people on there who you have mutual friends with on Facebook . You only chat with those you match with . You get the notifications on your Facebook but no one else can see it . I find it ok . It's completely free . It suggests people that live around you and in the neighboring cities .

You should give it a go

@GlassHalfFull1 I think you can as well as filtering the age range

Yeah Facebook dating here but haven’t matched with anyone yet lols! Got my date on Saturday as well and no idea what to wear - what do people even where these days, I’m so lost with social skills. Also not sure if I should be worried that I’ve organised both dates....

Haha @ruralbliss I think you and I may be the same person! And yes re: Mr Local’s prowess @30somethingandsingle. I think if he gets any better I might just faint clean away next time like a consumptive heroine in a Victorian novel. He actually said at one point last night he thought he was going to have a heart attack! So felt bizarrely proud I had exhausted a much younger man. (Wonders if there are some sort of Cougar Awards to enter, and what I might win?). You wouldn’t think I had years of no sex in my miserable marriage followed by 2 years of celibacy after it because I had no self confidence. Like @sortingitout I am having my own sexual revolution. But as for separating sex and emotion @wewantthefinestwines, it hasn’t always been the case - I was pathetically in love with Mr Beard, and partially so with Mr Maniac who was another twat. And even had a wobble with Mr Local where I thought I was falling for him but I had a very stern word with myself (and stopped stalking him on OKCupid) and pulled it back round.

@cravingthelook I think you know in your heart that Mr Pipes is not good enough to treat you like this. And certainly not good enough to consider his options around you when you are the prize AND he's a mediocre kisser.

@crackofdoom - I wouldn't have known where to put myself with the guy who burst into tears. It reminds me of something from a Fay Mellor drama

@lovellost interesting post on your Facebook dating experiences - I am being heavily targeted by their marketing algorithms but am a bit scared in case anyone I know sees me (specifically my ex and ex in-laws). How do the matches compare to normal dating sites?

And I missed the post by @Whatliesbeneath23 - but from what I can gather, if the troll is still around, please do fuck off, and when you get to where you are going, fuck off from there as well. I haven't spent years and sleepless nights, and tears, and money on therapy after an abusive marriage just to get my sexual self confidence back and then to be called a whore by a petty judgemental troll. I'm not. Mind your own fucking business.

@LongtimelurkerL don't ask me what to wear on dates. I've been known to turn up in gym kit. On the night I met Mr Local for the first time (one of our only two dates that was just going to a pub) my male BFF was here and offered to leave so I could 'get ready'. When I told him I was ready apart from brushing my hair and putting lipstick on (I'd been for a walk in the park and was wearing ripped jeans and trainers and a vest top) he was horrified and actually said something like 'You're a bit over-confident aren't you, not making the effort?" 😂 Anyway, last laugh is on him cos it's been 10 weeks now! But yeh, men who care about image probably wouldn't like me! I'm sure some of our more put together babes can help you though!

@UtterSocks I don't think anyone can see you unless there is a mutual friend you all have that will tell them . Whenever I see a mutual friend, I just block them on the site . As for the matches, I am getting a mixed bag but make it clear I am not into casual although some will try it on .

The guy I am meeting next week seems normal so far , wants the same thing but doesn't seem to want to chat too much maybe so that we don't run out of things to talk about but we will see . I am still on my guards though as you never know with these men

Haha thanks @UtterSocks my main prob is that this is a second date and so my standard winter walk first date outfit of jumper dress and nice coat has already been done. No idea what to wear for the second

@LongtimelurkerL

Oh clothes are my thing (arguably if I’m on a date it’s actually all about planning and taking out the outfit the man is just additional )

In general I’d go for comfortable/warm/figure flattering over anything too dressy or edgy that you haven’t worn before and you’re constantly adjusting.

Complete generalisation (sexism klaxon) but I find men tend to prefer figure flattering and simple so I tend to go for things like fitted jeans tucked into boots/black mid length dresses. Knee length boots are good.

For outdoor walks I might go for something like scarf and hat in flattering colour for me, gloves, dark slim wool coat and jeans tucked into knee high boots (could be wellies) with tights under for warmth if necessary. I wouldn’t try to go for a version of a dress or anything too dressy that’s just suicidal in uk weather .

Outdoor dates = good excuse to get new hats or the perfect flattering puffer in a good colour for you

@LongtimelurkerL

Sorry I didn’t read it was second date. I actually don’t see the need to really change it up from first date if that worked for you - I really doubt your date would notice if you wore the same dress or same style dress at all?

I’m trying to go all Kondo and minimalist and for dating and nights out I reckon one or two flattering dark dresses should cover most occasions

@Bunkbedpeople that makes a lot of sense and yeah I tend to go for tighter fitting things. You’re almost certainly right about the dress - I mean I had a coat on most of the time anyway. Think I’ll switch it up from the wellies the time though! Usually I’d be going for lunch or something and I’d wear a leather mini skirt and a jumper a la Holly W

I found Facebook dating to be ok, actually, it put nothing at all on my profile; only those who were registered for it could see me. It’s where I met with my latest iron, the one whom I STILL don’t know if there’s any chemistry with - third walking date came and went and still no kiss, or even a handhold! We’ve arranged a fourth walking date (tier 2) this weekend but he’s gone quiet....which I’m trying not to obsess over but it’s hard.

@LongtimelurkerL

It’s good you know the guy is worth looking nice for

I looked strikingly good last summer ....

for a first meet with a weirdo fantasist who talked too loudly.

First drink after the big lockdown - I was the woman looking good as she was obviously on a date with the weirdo

Oh god nightmare - I always look way better in the summer which has basically vanished this yeah! Gah

Haha yes I was about a stone lighter last summer and looked much more shaggable than I do now!!

I actually used to hate winter dating and wouldn’t do it as it’s so fiddly dressing for the weather and worrying about red noses and snow and horizontal wind.

But actually if you have nice coats and hats it’s fine really.

Spare a thought for me...I've got a weird shaped head and look terrible in hats!

I’ve honestly enjoyed the few dates I’ve had this winter. It’s felt quite romantic being wrapped up in a nice coat and scarf and boots for a date - even though there isn’t a hint of actual romance during the dates so far.