Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

So I met Mr Pipes last night. Walk and then chat in the car. I took a flask of hot spiced apple and mince pies. He did say thanks for the effort. He asked if I could see him in the day sometime. I said, I could work it out. We had a kiss, ok, not mind blowing tho.

I was me, I was open and honest.
He said he would message, he probably has more questions for me and he's going to think about things as he's still adjusting after an 18 year marriage (split 18 months) I told him I would see him again.

He hasn't messaged, he was online all night last night and this morning. He was on fab last night and this morning. My gut is he's stalling as he's checking out all his options. That's not a bad thing per say but it's helped me realise that's not what I want.

I want to meet a guy and know he's interested. That he likes my look and eye twinkle and chat. I don't want someone that needs to go off and think (read explore his options). I am after all the prize.

I will not message, if he does message I will say something to this effect.

I've hidden my fab profile

I'm tired of life 😔

@cravingthelook that would certainly put me off if someone was online all night etc. Definitely looking at other options. I think if you like someone, you'll be excited about them only.

@cravingthelook, you have had a lot to assimilate in recent months. I can see aspects of myself in you from a time when I was plate spinning various irons, trying to be casual but hoping to find something special and meaningful; excited at times, dismayed at others. It's clear that you can attract plenty of attention but is it coming from the right people ? I used to say to my best friend that finding sex was easy. Some of it was definitely fun and I have said before it boosted many aspects of my MH and well being. But when it stops being fun and you feel like you you are on a treadmill and a relentless search then sometimes a total break to recharge and re centre is what is needed. If you go headlong from one date to another I think that it's difficult to see each individual that you meet on their own merits.

@cravingthelook the thing that strikes me about your post is that you don't mention at any point what YOU thought about him (other than the mediocre kiss). Was he worth seeing again from your perspective? Or was he just 'acceptable'?

I would be completely put off by him being online all last night and this morning and not messaging - even if he does get in touch, it's not a good sign and I think if someone's not keen from the start it rarely improves. But the key question remains - are YOU keen?

Thanks @Onesmallstep67 and @

@cravingthelook please do not let Mr Pipes make your joie de vivre fade

Let him slide I think as you say clearly doesn't see you as the prize we know you to be.

Else you'll be doing what I did for 8 weeks wishing he'd text, wishing his texts when they arrived were less brief, wishing he'd ask Qs about you etc etc
And at least that did start with earth shattering snoggings!

A decent man is the cherry on the icing on the cake of life nothing more. We are free from our dire exes we live in a good time in a good country. We have it ok.

Silly Mr Pipes. Thank U Next!

Whoops @freelancedolly

Yes I WAS keen but now I'm thinking that he wasn't the gent I thought he was and that's putting me off.
So if he'd have sent a message last night and made plans I would definitely have seen him again.

Now he's actually giving me the time to see he 'playing' at being the gent ... in essence done me a favour.

He might never message but if he does, I will politely and firmly say no and ensure he knows that the no is because of his behaviour.

cravingthelook I have met one or two men like this on Fab, and chatted to many, many more. They're reeling from the break up of a LTR, still pretty messed up but starting to feel horny again, and they think that what they want is to meet someone for casual sex. Then they actually get as far as an in depth chat or a social with someone, things become real and they realise they can't go through with it. I think the stereotype of all men being up for a shag whenever they can get it does them no favours- they think that's what they want, but I think that many many men aren't really cut out for it.

The worst I had- from Fab- was a chap who had been widowed for two years. He was very keen in his pursuit of me,but when we met up he confessed that this was the first time he'd left his wedding ring off since his wife died....and burst into tears :)

I wouldn't give Mr Pipes another thought. It sounds like he's not cut out for Fab.

(sorry, repeating myself a bit there)

Another sure sign that Fab is not for a man is if he looks taken aback when you refer to the fact that you're seeing other people. No sweetheart, this whole NSA thing doesn't apply only to the blokes, you know...

Thanks @crackofdoom

Or maybe he is, as he's been on there 5 days and now has a public webcam verification

Oh no! I meant to make a sad emoji when I was talking about the poor widower crying! I'm not that heartless...

cravingthelook Yeah, but webcams aren't as daunting as Doing It with a Real Live Lady!

Talking about flakers, I've just now been messaged by someone I met back in August (and had a snog in the Premier Inn car park with ), who cancelled our Getting Down To It date because he needed to sort his head out....

ALSO.....I find it best not to monitor the online activity of Fab friends I'm shagging. That way madness lies> otherwise translated as "I accidentally saw that Mr BigCityBoy was on Fab really recently and it did my head right in

Having thought for a brief moment that I wanted a FB I am realising that I want all the other stuff. All the feels. @crackofdoom you make a good point about some men feeling like they should just be up for meaningless sex and be able to walk away, when in fact they need all the other stuff as well. And there is equally a stereotype of women being unable to separate sex and emotion - which I think we know from this thread some are perfectly capable of doing (I'm looking at you @UtterSocks}

In search of a connection, I joined Hinge, and am surprised at how little effort some irons still put into it. It is completely designed to make it easier to chat, comment on something, open with something - and there's still a fair amount of empty likes. But I did start chatting to someone last night, who has just suggested a phone call tonight. Good pacing, just enough messages, volunteering information, asking questions but not overwhelming love bombing. And right time to move on to real life chat. Not particularly good looking, but tall. I didn't realise how important that was to me until I briefly dated someone my height. I'll call him Mr Festival and see how I feel after our chat tonight.

@cravingthelook step away from Mr Pipes. You're too good for him, with your hot spiced apple and mince pies!

@Whatliesbeneath23

WTF???? Are you serious, aren't women allowed to like sex? Shouldn't they want a good sexual match as much as they want a good emotional, social or intellectual match?

We don't do ingrained sexism in this thread. Instead we only do supportive conversation no matter what type of relationship a thread member chooses.

So politely I say Do Fuck Off

@Whatliesbeneath23
How dare you come on here and call women hookers just because we have sex with men.

Clearly this isnt the right thread for you.

You will notice a lot of people on here have angst over many aspects of dating and quite a lot doesnt involve sex

@cravingthelook
The problem with Fab is men (and women) are like kids in sweet shops. There is so much available without putting much effort in. The webcam verification could just be 2 people on the same cam not doing anything sexual🤷‍♀️ or it could be sexual.

I quite like a peruse of Fab hot photos of men every now and then even though i have a boyfriend who i met on Fab.

I came out of a 17 yr marriage and hsd my own sexual revolution so its not surprising that a man not long out of along marriage wants his fill without much commitment.

Was the meet just a social to see if you want casual or had you actually talked about more?

Oooh and @Whatliesbeneath23 am I a Hooker or something else??? I have sex with men and women!!!

@Whatliesbeneath23 Hahaha.. 😂 you are funny. 🙂

@SortingItOut

No he said he wanted to meet and see how it goes but essentially wants to meet a partner not just casual

wow @Whatliesbeneath23. Imagine coming on to an amazing, supportive sister-(and brother-)hood of people supporting each other through the ups and downs of dating, sex and relationships with tolerance and respect for everyone's preferences and decide that calling all the women hookers would be appropriate. Wondering what you thought that might achieve, other than getting attention. Which I suspect you crave dearly. Well, now that you've had your fun, kindly fuck off.

Hi all, can I join? (Although it sounds like some folks have some rather odd opinions..)
I've had my heart broken very recently and it's probably too soon for me to be 'dating', my self esteem is low and I'm worried I'll be ghosted again (as happened before) I'm still getting over it.
Anyway I joined Tinder just for a look really and matched with someone I've been chatting to for a week or so. He's very sweet, there are some issues like he lives with his dad and looks after him to a degree, but means he cannot host me. He could visit me but, my flat is quite small and I would prefer to be able to mix it up.
He also only works part time in a minimum wage job. I don't care what he does, really, I suppose..... I mean is it something to be concerned about? He's 44. I suppose I'd prefer someone with some aspiration but we haven't spoke about careers etc yet.

We have music in common which is a big thing for me and share the same favourite band.

He's been single since 2003 and I think this is what concerns me the most.

He is lovely, very complimentary and no flirty chat yet.

We are going on a walk next week and im so nervous as I haven't been on a date in a while. Also, what do I wear!? It's going to be freezing. What have others been wearing? I'm going to feel a bit daft in a huge coat - stupid virus.

@uttersocks I totally know what you mean about your fwb ruining you for other men!
My fwb was amazing in bed, the chemistry was like I'd never had before and I can't imagine anyone coming close. I'll definitely miss that side of things.

I have a social walk planned for tomorrow with a guy from fab, I'm not going to name him, I'm not sure about him yet.

I have unhidden my profile on POF and am getting a lot of messages, mainly from unsuitables- too young/too old/not tall enough/no kids, but I'll stick it out for a little bit.

Oh and @Whatliesbeneath23 kindly fuck off with your judgement.
Newsflash: women like sex just as much as men and how often anyone chooses to have it or who with, is non of your business.