Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hello, so 2nd date coming up this week and unsure what to do. I get the impression he would like to come over to mine (can't go to his as not ideal). But I'm sure if I feel comfortable with that as a 2nd date, as I still feel I don't really know him! He says there are no expectations blah blah and happy with whatever I'm comfortable with.
Our 1st date was a walk but quote dark so difficult to tell if the attraction was there or not! So not sure another walk would help! Argh! Any advice what to do please?

@Whoknows11 are there any changes of restrictions coming up that might allow you to meet inside or even outside but sitting down? I don’t know how it’s working in UK but here we can be inside in a very limited way from Friday so it’s something.
Don’t feel rushed to having him over to yours until you are ready.

@Whoknows11 I think you should go on another walk during the day so you can have a clearer picture and if there is a third date , you can host him

To be honest I don't think he's even allowed in my house, I'm in tier 2! Pubs etc open here on wed but you have to have a meal, which again is a bit too much me thinks!

I think you're right, coming to mine is a bit much if I'm not 100% comfortable with it. Next daylight opportunity for a date is in 2 weeks! Maybe a coffee in a well lit park or something?!

@Whoknows11

To be honest I don't think he's even allowed in my house, I'm in tier 2! Pubs etc open here on wed but you have to have a meal, which again is a bit too much me thinks!

I think you're right, coming to mine is a bit much if I'm not 100% comfortable with it. Next daylight opportunity for a date is in 2 weeks! Maybe a coffee in a well lit park or something?!

You're only allowed to go to pubs with members of your own household. Dating is dead for winter really.

Noone is allowed to go your house (well, trades people are).

Lol at tradespeople @VanGoghsDog- I’m generally attracted to blokes who are technical/sciencey/good with their hands

so if me and MrC don’t get on, I’ll have to get MrMilitary to come over, do some of my minor DIY jobs and give him a tenner when he goes.

(hang on if we get off is that soliciting/encouraging prostitution? )

It is galling that I can have the plumber round but not a friend, especially as a plumber is probably going from house to house and to trade stores, while my friend could be going nowhere.

@VanGoghsDog it's pretty ludicrous really.

I've been (unintentionally) dating tradesmen 😂😂

If Mr Pipes works out he'll be coming round with his drill (not a euphemism), I'll just tell the neighbours he is my 'handyman' (is a euphemism) 😁😁

Ha ha I love this!!

Honestly I have no idea what you're allowed to do or not do on certain dates and in certain areas now!!

You can have a social bubble with one other single household @VanGoghsDog - can't you do that if you want to meet someone at your home ?

I wonder whether Bumble ought to rebrand as Bubble ...

My FWB (ex FWB) is a carpenter and would bring his tools in every time he came.
My neighbour even said to me "you're having a lot of work doing" .... yes, yes I was

I'm sure this has been discussed so many times but what sites do you find best?
I'm mid thirties and looking to meet someone mid thirties to early forties ideally.

Tried tinder, pof Bumble and Match. Hate pof, tinder is full of guys looking for no strings, match is just dead for me. Bumble was good but I've completed it now and it's so quiet on there.
Maybe it's just me or my profile

I'm finding all sites as bad as eachother. POF doesn't work for some reason, I pay for match but there aren't as many people.

I like bumble but where I live it's not popular. All much of a muchness really and same faces on all! They could say that about me though 🙂

@HairyArsedMan

You can have a social bubble with one other single household *@VanGoghsDog* - can't you do that if you want to meet someone at your home ?

I wonder whether Bumble ought to rebrand as Bubble ...

No, you can only have a support bubble, social bubbles ended with the tier system. And you have to stick with the same one you had on Sept 14th, you can't start a new one.

My mum is my support bubble, or rather - I am hers, she's fuck all support to me! And she's three hours away.

@30somethingandstillsingle I have tried Okcupid in the past and it's not bad, like many sites it's got good and bad. I think its better than POF.
I am currently on Facebook dating and I find it ok . I am talking to someone on there and it's looking good but we will see. I was sceptical about it with it being Facebook but so far so good, you only talk if you match on Facebook dating and it's free .

I'm also suspicious of materialisation. I think its good to know what you want but for me that involves writing a list and figuring out how you tick the parts off and knowing which bits are non negotiable.

Re dating apps. Personally my favourite was hinge. Bit biased because I met my fella on there but I also made a few mates through it. Can't say that happened on any other app really. The fact you have to comment or like specific photos or bio sections seemed to promote convo rather than the typical swipe right and 'hey'

@30somethingandstillsingle what a bastard! Hate that 'didn't tell you at first because you wouldn't have got involved' line! Erm no I wouldn't have got involved if I'd know you were a complete arse and a total liar! But hey, let me waste three months on you during a pandemic before you confess! Grrrr

Still impressed you were on 6Music @crackofdoom - I once lived in a student house that Andy Kershaw had vacated a couple of years before. (showing my age). Didn't he end up a crazy stalker or something? TBH if he was that low calibre just as well we weren't at University at the same time or no doubt I would have dated him ...

Big hugs to all those with manipulating exes @Ruralbliss, @SortingItOut, @Mayzee, @cravingthelook and any others dealing with them. I am also very evasive about my life and feel bad telling my kids to not let ex know about this and that, but I don't want to make him behave worse over the divorce. Even though he has done exactly as he liked since he left almost 3 years ago with the total anonymity of a man in a flat not looking after his own children!

Regarding manifesting - my 17 year old DD is also into it. I dabble in all sorts of things like a loon but really I think it comes down to the rather more scientific 'positive thinking' making you feel better and better able to go for what you want. Which isn't to be sniffed at either. My DD got quite excited on holiday this summer when I read The Secret and apparently manifested a Frankie Valli song in a restaurant. But apart from that and some texts from toxic exes nothing since! I am pursuing the meditations though, so I'll let you know if it brings forth my dream man!

Still impressed you were on 6Music @crackofdoom - I once lived in a student house that Andy Kershaw had vacated a couple of years before. (showing my age). Didn't he end up a crazy stalker or something? TBH if he was that low calibre just as well we weren't at University at the same time or no doubt I would have dated him ...

Yes, I think he ended up in court re: stalking his ex wife, since when he hasn't been heard of much on the radio I think.... Hey, didn't ruralbliss have an Andy Kershaw story- he used to use the toilet in her flat or something?

(since we're back on the subject, my request was "Lucky Number, by Lene Lovich)

I can see that visualisation would be a helpful tool if you needed clarity to find out what it is you want. I can see a visualisation session being of use in determining where I want my business to go, for example. However, romance wise, it seems that most of us are painfully aware of what it is we're looking for. It's just finding it that's the problem....

That’s very true @crackofdoom. I can’t manifest a man who doesn’t exist and my mistrust of men after Mr Beard and a few more obvious reprobates won’t easily be silenced even for a manifesting meditation.

Mr Ginger messages a lot and wants us to go to a hotel for a weekend when we can. But to be honest, him not being able to host and the complex situation with his ex makes me think it's not going to last.

Meanwhile I spent tonight with super sexy Mr Local again. That man is an incredible shag 😂. But that’s all he is, or wants, so 🤷‍♀️

I hear you @crackofdoom re knowing what we want but finding it is the tricky thing but I'm now for the first time conscious that spending X months with different irons at the time though fun could be wasted time if I were to continue spending time with unsuitables. If he aim asking Qs, witty, suitable for introducing to my mates then an early binning should be done else further fruitless time invested in the wrong person.

I did not know about the Andy Kershaw stalking story. Off to Google now.

Good shout re Lena Lovitch as your song played by Liz K & funnily enough my mad/bad/sad lockdown#1 lover went out with her back in the day when he was semi-prof punk band boy. Small world.

@UtterSocks yay re great sex but booo that he wants nothing more. I can't understand that but respect it. Everyone's different and in a different place ai guess.

I googled the Andy Kershaw stalking story. Grim reading. Poor woman and poor poor kids as he was sending them abusive texts to get to his ex. Must have got awful for her to invoke police and restraining orders etc

Unhinged blokes a-plenty out there. Eeesh.

@Ruralbliss @crackofdoom - I used to love Lena Lovich, Lucky Number was one of the first singles I bought (again, showing my age!) Amazing your lockdown lover dated her @Ruralbliss. I was kind of a failed groupie in my youth haha - managed a few snogs with some bassists and the lead singers of a couple of little known punk bands but that's all!

And yeh, I've come to terms with the Mr Local thing. We actually have nothing in common although he is so nice and easy to hang out with and we do get on really well - but there's the age gap of 12 years too. I'm kind of OK with him just being a fuckbuddy because it is SO fun and not complicated by me getting hopes or dreams of anything more. I'd like sex more than once a week though as he is absolutely fucking incredible, it just gets better every single time. But then once a week also keeps it exciting! He's just ruining me for anyone else unfortunately. I can't imagine anyone being better than him.

@UtterSocks You may well have snogged my ex iron.... He was bassist in little known punk band 😂😂😂

Bloody hell re Mr Local and his high benchmark setting prowess in the sack! Lucky you but ffs it's not permanent and can't be guaranteed other men won't be as fabulous.

@UtterSocks you sound like you have your head screwed on with Mr Local and won't get your head turned by him. I felt the same of my previous FWB, no future, just sex and it was really easy for me.

Currently trying to mentally step back from Mr Yoga a bit because he has said he has a lot on his plate with family and also I just want him to miss me a bit. I've had two friends tell me it seems like I'm doing a lot of the running and I don't think it's healthy for me to be so smitten/nice all the time. I have a couple of offers from men I knew from dating sites before so there are other options but I've been really clear to them that I'm seeing someone I'm really serious about.