Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Whoknows11 hope your date is going well.

Totally agree with you there @Mayzee re. the dire men. @Ruralbliss a large part of the upset you are feeling I am sure is due to exactly this - the way you have been treated, and having the gut feeling that someone is slowly sidling out of view rather than being man enough to face the situation head on and actually talk about it. It's hideous having to fill in the blanks - and if you're anything like me you fill those blanks in with loads of catastrophising "I'll never meet anyone as good" thoughts.

I'm sorry you're left at home feeling so shit. You deserve more. I'm glad you came onto the thread for some distraction.

MrR is tired and sleeping badly. I hate feeling like this but for some reason I am finding it easier this time around to keep my feelings of insecurity away from him and each time before now that I've had a wobble, he has very quickly distracted me from it with consistent contact. But even as I write that, I feel a sense of dread because the change almost feels as though is inevitable and just a matter of time. Argh.

Thank you! I'm home and safe!
He seems a lovely guy and we got on well. No kidding happened but unsure at whether he thought I wouldn't be up for it with the virus!!
I think he's definitely worth a 2nd date and hoping he agrees!
Who messages who first I wonder?!

I meant kissing!!

Well, looks like bailing guy did me a favour. I'd been talking to a new guy last couple of days, just had a phone call with him.
He came across as a kind, respectful, articulate gentleman. He liked me, the chat was flowing. He asked questions and told me about himself with honesty.
He's an hours drive away, he doesn't care. He suggested a couple more calls then meeting for a walk the next time I'm child free.
I'm going to try not get too excited, just enjoy the chat. I shall call him Mr Pipes. He just sent me a photo of him with a puppy (not his) #toocute

Mr Bail (yes he's getting that name) is now being super nice and wants to make me lunch tomorrow.

@Whoknows11 yeay for good date, if you like him take the pressure off and send the message.

@Ruralbliss

🤗 🥰 🍷🥂🍫 we need it x

@Whoknows11 I am glad the date went well

Oh FFS Craving and rural what kind of utter clungetrumpets are there in the world that they don't appreciate the value of fine, fine witty women like you?? Pffft . Really glad you're back in the saddle already as it were, craving.

Fistbump for your successful date whoknows!

I'm shit at underwear - the most glam I get are Gossard Glossies which I LOVE... what the feck do men even want in terms of underwear - I have no idea.

IME, no matter how gorgeous and sexy your underwear is, what men want most is you out of it. Now I buy underwear for myself, really.

I'm having a really boring weekend, because children. (Although I was on 6 Music earlier!!! I spoke to Liz Kershaw and the Nation At Large, and got my request played!! Which was very scary and exciting!!).

Chatting away to all my Fab friends, except for the one I really really want to- Mr BigCityBoy....Damn, I really didn't intend to get the feels, this is unfortunate. I think it'll be best for me not to contact him, these are hurty feels, and he's made it clear he's not up for a relationship....Thank God he's going away for a couple of months soon..there's nothing like a bit of physical distance to help you distance yourself psychologically.

I've been having fun chatting with a fresh bunch of potential candidates from Fab (the attrition rate is savage- very few of them manage to make it through to a meet) - was chatting to the sexiest police officer yesterday! I'm pretty alternative, so there was a massive thrill of the taboo!

But, I think I can feel myself craving something deeper. Trying to battle my massive disinclination to go back to the endless swiping of the apps, because I know I'm going to have to sooner or later...

@cravingthelook
Interestingly enough MrC did joke about a village childhood livened up by a peek at the lovely ladies of his female relatives Kay’s catalogues so I’m not sure if this is the look I’m aiming for...

@Ruralbliss you really don't need Mr VW around if he is a reminder that he's not that into you. You will drive yourself mad with this one.

@cravingthelook an hours notice would mean being dumped personally. I've had that whilst at the hairdressers and that sinking feeling was awful. He deserves to be put to the back of the queue.

Had a long chat with Mr Yoga last night which was lovely but I don't think we will be seeing each other properly for a while. He has legitimate concerns for his parents and needs to be there for them for now and I'm just a bit of a risk covid wise. He said we have tried and failed to socially distance meet in the past and he doesn't want to risk it for a bit. I think i could be strict though. But he wants us to stay together and see how things go and I feel the same. So this will certainly be a weird period and I'm going to have to pretend he lives in Australia or something!

@Eesha you are being very stoic about the situation with Mr Yoga - this pandemic is so hard for so many people and I admire your pragmatic attitude and think that yes this is going to call for imagining an ocean between you. At what point do you think he will be happy to accept the risk? MrR has his elderly mother with him, and so we face a similar dilemma although so far we have still met up for walks outside (and one massive breach of the rules last time we met). It is a very difficult situation because you have to take your cue from them, as they are the one with the responsibility. I'm not sure what we'll do once lockdown ends, as we had understandably planned a weekend together, but now I'm in Tier 3, so that's probably off. Am just sick of the whole situation now!

@Whoknows11 that sounds great - was it weird walking around in the dark?! Really pleased you had a good time - ref what happens now, I think it doesn't matter who messages first, although it soon becomes apparent if there's any excitement mutually for a second date IME.

@cravingthelook there's nothing like the sudden appearance of a new option to cheer oneself up That sounds like it was just the ticket last night. Are you going to see Mr Bail today? What was his excuse for cancelling? An hour's drive away for Mr Pipes isn't that bad - I'd certainly not be put off by it (MrR is more than that).

@crackofdoom what was your request on 6Music?! How exciting. 'Really boring weekend because children' is a sentence that I love and very apropos for me this weekend. (Christmas Tree moaning shopping yesterday although going to the beach today for some more moaning walking about and having fun..). Yes the endless swiping - so dull - I could have times when I would reboot Tinder, and literally swipe through every single person in my area within a 15 mile radius before getting to the stage of a half-interesting message exchange.

Thanks to all my well wishers. We text a fair amount after our walk and he seems keen for a 2nd date!
I know dating is exciting but I also find that I'm quite nervous. It's the whole intimacy thing that I struggle with in the beginning. I think I just need a glass of wine or two but no pubs are open!! Not sure how I feel about inviting him over to my house as the expectations will be high!
Anyone in my position of what to do on the initial dates when everything is closed?!

Yes @cravingthelook that is great news that you had your evening spiced up by a new iron phone chat! Awesome. I tried my best to get something similar sorted here but nope the only match who seemed at all interesting was busy

Wow @crackofdoom you were on 6music that is a brilliant thing to happen on a dull wet Saturday. How brill.
Liz Kershaw's brother Andy used to use our loo in the 90's when we lived above a recording studio with no loo.

So grateful for this thread.

Looking forward to a day ahead with better energy levels than yesterday's shell of a woman. Slept for 13 hours so feel all better now. Hope to crack on with painting stairs while kids are at their dads so I can return to work tomorrow with things achieved.

I hear you all re Covid risks to be factored in another reason why now would be a good time for a sabbatical.
My vulnérable mum is shielding until vaccine issued but a few days ago took a fall down stairs so I had to visit and check she wasn't broken and suddenly felt crap that my so called 'support bubble' with Mr VW could have meant infection spread to her due to his slackness with the rules. That would have been v v v bad.

@Eesha could you and Mr Yoga book in virtual dates via zoom as we have been doing with friends and colleagues? Grab some wine, dress up, chat etc.

My ex iron of lockdown#1 and I had some really fun nights doing synchro watching of comedy across the miles. Both tucked up in bed but pausing if one of us needed a wee, snacks etc then stopping to discuss various bits. We'd be on phone for 2-3hrs some nights and felt like a great time was had.

Those are my ideas for you guys during these challenging times.

After what I thought was a good date with Mr Spark earlier in the week, which finished with him saying he wanted to see me again and then messaging the same the day afterwards, he then ghosted me so he's been blocked.

I saw my fwb last night who I have been seeing regularly for 3 months. He declared he was getting a bit of the feels for me, then in the next breath revealed he has a girlfriend but all he can think about is me... ffs. Had a huge row as I would never have got involved with him if I knew he wasn't single.

So I'm feeling pretty despondent. Why do so many lie or just not be up front about things? Fee like my instinct/radar is way off and I can't trust anything now

@30somethingandstillsingle oh no, thats terrible about your FWB already having a partner. How did he explain that one?

@freelancedolly Mr Yoga feels that he wouldn't forgive himself if they got ill whilst he was seeing me in that way and I get it. I'd be exactly the same if it were my parents. It's just they obviously take priority and I guess this will be till there is a vaccine. I think the only risk for me is that he later might say he doesn't feel much for me and then I've wasted my time but that's always a risk. We both don't want anyone else so just have to go with the flow.

@Ruralbliss great ideas! We quite like having long calls from time to time and he has said he has 'other skills' so I'm really hoping these are romantic letter writing skills as that's definitely the way to my heart!

@Eesha he said the typical 'doesn't get what he needs at home' apologised for lying, said that when I asked when we first started talking he didn't tell me the truth as he knew I wouldn't meet him, but now he has the feels he had to tell me the truth... I'm so angry with him. We have shared some really good times over the last few months and I'm sad it's come to an end (the sex was amazing ha). I would've been open to trying properly dating with him too, obviously not now.

Woah @30somethingandstillsingle that's a pretty big whopper and a shitty revelation. How long have you been seeing each other? A few months. Bloody hell the shitty two timing bastard. You have every right to be livid and gutted. I'm so sorry.

@Eesha Endings are so horrible. Especially unexpected unanticipated ones.
What will you do if anything? You're a strong person if you can put him behind you and move forward with little in the way of moping and feeling shite.

I'm tempted to admit defeat and run a personal challenge of staying off the apps but as I was trying to explain to my best mate it's hard as don't want to miss 'my guy' out there by not swiping. Her view was that it's important to lick wounds and get back to a good place before trying to connect with another which is a vais viewpoint but harder in practice.

@Ruralbliss around 3 months, it was only ever casual fwb, but I feel so annoyed that he lied and also feel awful for his girlfriend.

Sorry @30somethingandstillsingle got the wrong username there.
Bloody awful. What on earth was he telling his gf when he was with you? Made soooo much worse by being in Covid crisis.
Awful awful awful.

So he must have gone out looking for a bit on the side but lied to you as knew you wouldn't be interested so has been hugely untruthful and disrespectful to you and his actual gf.

That's proper grim.
I'm so sorry what a horrible situation. And good sexy too! Aaargh.

@Ruralbliss Personally if I were you, I'd get back on the apps casually. This wasn't the love of your life and you could simply have a nosey and see from time to time. Guaranteed you'll have an interesting chat soon enough and you'll see there is better out there to engage your brain.

At the moment Mr Yoga and I are continuing as before but no plans to see each other other than maybe a walk in a fortnight. I know I'd be really sad if things didn't work out and it would hit me hard but I also know that I'll then go on some heartbreak diet, look amazing and slowly things would be less painful. I genuinely believe if things are meant to be, they will be.

Christ 30something thats quite the bombshell! What an utter tosser 🤬

Blimey @30somethingandstillsingle what a moron