Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@UtterSocks Mr Local sounds just the ticket actually, I was more thinking just keep clear of the apps etc until the New Year? You have such a lot on your plate already. You're not a Debbie Downer at all, you always write in such an energetic way and I feel sure that energy will see you through. When this is all over perhaps you could help me consume the weed my mad friend gave me earlier in the year that I've no clue what to do with???

@Bunkbedpeople I'll join you, I bloody love First Dates, I think it's enchanting

@Tosleepperchancetodream

Obviously it’s designed for ratings BUT I also think they do make an effort to find really good matches for the dates.

I learned lots of good dating tips as well with first conversation starters etc as well (or what NOT to do)

Speaking of First Dates, I saw a mutual friend on there, super stunning and I asked our friend what happened. She said it was actually real, she liked the guy, had a great night, slept with him, then he ghosted her. He was so blah too!!!

For me, First Dates made me realise after a long marriage and divorce in my 50s that I wanted to feel that flip in my tummy again when you meet someone new, feel the possibilities. The very old people on the show are the best I always think. If only OLD was as romantic and stage managed as TV!

Agree with the old people - also it makes me realise there’s no rush really, if I break up with someone and am dating at 65 that’s cool and there’ll be a nice dapper old geezer there for me.

Don't bank on it lol

Oh everyone I hear you all. I'm drowning in a mountain of nightmares and my best friend let me down this week, I don't think we'll ever be the same.

So if anyone needs a video call while getting trashed I'm in

@GlassHalfFull1

Probably be lots of wrinkly old fuckboys before my dapper silver fox

Hey all, I've been OLD for a while and met a couple of absolute gobshites before lockdown, plus one who chattered merrily about his ex all night.

Recently I've met a bloke I get on really with but I wasn't sure if i fancied physically. But he was growing on me.

Anyway, he's just told me that he was the OM in an affair. He knew she was in the relationship but didn't know the husband/ partner and apparently they were in love and not so simple as her just leaving. I haven't asked for more details. He told me this a propos of nothing.

I know he had no particular loyalty to the husband but I don't love the idea of being with someone who would take part in an affair. How would you feel about this? I'm not really sure what to say to him now.

There's always bloody something.

Sorry to hear that @cravingthelook about your best friend. Must be a big let down if you feel it has permanently damaged your relationship. Thinking of you.

@fatherliamdeliverance it's hard to imagine without having been in a similar situation but I guess everything you find out about a new person either makes you think 'great' or 'hmmmm' or 'yuck'

For me I would be turned off by this past relationship but probably not enough for an instant binning. I'd log it and add it to the rest of the emerging facts you are collecting and assessing.

@fatherliamdeliverance

Every saint has a past and every sinner a future - I’d monitor how things go with your dating and how he makes you feel (as you would with anyone) but I think if you’ve established a connection, see how it goes and don’t instantly dismiss him for this.

If he’s still mooning after the woman in question and seemed to have been emotionally consumed by the experience it would be a dealbreaker but if it was just presented in a factual “this was the situation” way without too much emotion or drama attached then it’s in the past.

@fatherliamdeliverance exactly what @Bunkbedpeople said, those were wise words

@Ruralbliss thanks, I know I need to talk about it, I'm really reeling though.

@cravingthelook it's a safe space here if you want to share and get others to support you.

Honestly what about some of the first messages from dire bloke off the apps?!?

I always send an upbeat first msg with a few Qs, a titbit of info about me and then get back 'Hi. How are you?'
Sooooooo dire. I feel for telling them. I did once. I said 'Really?!? That's your opening msg to a woman you are hoping to impress?' It didn't go down well

Looks like I'm being spared the dilemma of what to say to a U-turn from MrVW on tonight's planned rendezvous as no contact. I know I know this is why the advice is to block and move on. I know.

I'm analysing my feels and what I liked about him and what I really did not to apply better screening but as always if I turned back the clock I'd do it all again. Maybe I'd not have bought him a Xmas present in Nov which I now don't know what to do with (ffs) but otherwise no harm done and I've got my head held high thankful for the experience and singinging Thank U Next loudly (in my head)

I got a message from a 67 year old today saying if I'm sex starved he can help me out! Does that honestly work with anyone !?!?

Got a few chats going on but can't see any leading anywhere. All hours away!

@Ruralbliss have you heard from him about tonight? Sorry couldn't gauge from your post.

@bangheadhere40 sorry for confusion (and for sex starved 67 year olds trying their luck with you 😱) zero from Mr VW so that's that. Prick.
Being a nice person it always amazes me how shit and callous people can be.

Have decided that I'm never again going to say yes to a second date with anyone who doesn't ask Qs about me on first date.

Not having this rule in the past has lead to some unsatisfactory romances which although fun I'm not up for that anymore I'd rather be single than have a non satisfying love life now I think.

rural that is unbelievably rude. I'm astonished at the callousness of some people. Bad Mr VW! So sorry 💐
Good rule to have though. If you don't show me some interest, it most probably means you're not interested. And don't get that I'm the prize and worth making an effort for. Rubbish way to acquire that rule though.

@Ruralbliss that is just crap, isn't it? I find it so irritating how little respect some people give to a person they've been dating/shagging/etc for several weeks - that it's okay in their world to just disappear or quietly renege on arrangements. FFS. This shit shouldn't be hard for grown ups to negotiate. That's what fucked me off about my last iron - too pathetic at the age of 50 to be able to have a Slightly Difficult Conversation and so instead just lied feebly about being stressed and needing space whilst actually going back onto Tinder. Grow a pair FFS! The bottom line of course is that who the actual fuck wants to have a relationship with a man who can't have awkward conversations? Not me.

Glad I got a couple of going out things done over last few months so staying in not so bad

Am knackered from taking on additional temp work but have to say it’s been positive for my mental health though it’s not strictly on my set career path and just for quick bridging money.

Just the shallow stuff like getting out the house and day to day trivial conversations has been helpful.

might wander out with a coffee for some errands later .

Being cautiously optimistic and doing all my grooming bits this weekend in anticipation of a MrC return (mindful it could be delayed again so we’ll see)

So lots of water, fruit, depilation, was hoping for a last minute Primark underwear dash but closed so I’ve got my eye on some lingerie on eBay.

MrC has generally been very complimentary on clothes so I think it would be appreciated.

It’s quite nice thinking about dating at “innocent trying to please each other and enjoy getting to know each other face value” rather than analysing/worrying and getting dragged into power games.

I’d like to maintain this vibe in any future interactions even if things don’t go through with MrC.

I’ll also say that I’m slightly relieved that MrC is hopefully returning ahead of my emotional “weak spot” MrMilitary

(Relieved and maybe slightly disappointed...

It’s like we’ve touched on this thread - the situations that have hurt us often are more of an emotional lure than more fruitful aspects of life.

There’s a basic human urge to love and solve and heal, and if an interaction only worked 65% we we want to go back to it and “fix it”.

But I want a solid relationship not a passionate overdramatic thing so I need to make the right decisions here).

Anyone else for WEEKEND ROLL CALL?

If you don't show me some interest, it most probably means you're not interested
@WeWantTheFinestWines getting this laminated😅
I’m chatting to a new guy this week and he has made contact every day, has been really respectful, funny, I smile when I see his name pop up. It’s awful that I’m expecting it to go wrong and it’s too good to be true...hoping to meet for coffee over the weekend so will give him a name then if I think he’s worthy

Good you’re getting out there @Mayzee hope the coffee goes well

Yay @Mayzee that's the sort of connection you want from the off isn't it. Great news. Keep us posted.
Looking back I was always slightly disappointed in any comms from Mr VW.

Yes @freelancedolly and @WeWantTheFinestWines definitely some choice wisdoms there worthy of laminating and remembering. Very good summaries.

How did you realise your pathetic ex-iron was back on Tinder?

I remember the horror of seeing my first romance post marriage Tinder profile being updated in real-time as we were still matched & he too was telling me he was too depressed/messed up to continue going out with me. A week later he was broadcasting out to the world via Instagram he'd met the love of his life. He was a narcissistic twat and I was tempted to warn his new love.

@Bunkbedpeople what's the deal with the uncertainly of Mr C visit timings? Good to have a reason to preen and have new undies.
I saw a meme recently that made me smile I'll see if I can find it and post it.