Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

So a bit of an update from me... I've been chatting to Miss Walker for the last week. We spoke a bit about kissing after the first date, and it seems she's got so used to not having any physical contact with anyone for most of the year that she thinks it's going to take a while for her to feel comfortable with that, so I think there's a danger that we'll "coffee and walk" our way to the friends zone. Also, things seem to have died down a lot since we met last weekend, and I just don't feel the same excitement (which to be honest was probably based on my imagination after speaking for her so much on the app). I'm seeing her again on Saturday for another coffee and walk, but I'm not sure it will go anywhere. There was certainly an adjustment as I got used to the real her, not the imaginary her.

I also had a strange experience today. I matched with someone earlier today, and we seemed to have quite a few common interests, so we swapped numbers and spoke on the phone. Wow - we got on so well, and what felt like 5 minutes chatting turned out to be well over an hour. She's pretty open about liking me, and has suggested we meet tomorrow. I'm a little shocked about how excited I'm feeling - it's a bit like a bolt of the blue, and really wasn't expecting to feel like I've known someone for ages just after speaking for an afternoon.

Aww @TheCatWithTheHat i felt a little buzz of excitement just reading about your 'strange experience'. You never know, it could be wonderful when you meet, stranger things have happened - I'm a big fan of quick meets. That said, you do need to keep your feet on the ground. Please report back after you meet!

MrC has messaged to say he’s got some online Black Friday shopping posted to me (I lightly offered before) so hopefully that means he isn’t planning to disappear.

Either that or I’ll have a pile of new clobber to sell on eBay as I’m not returning them if he ghosts me

Also asked me to pick something online from the same company for my missed birthday so I’m going to look for something.

Must say, initially I was going to do the whole “don’t worry about it” thing but I feel now I should graciously take him at face value and accept.

I mean I’d like to do nice things for MrC (or anyone I was dating seriously) as time progresses

and if he turned down my home cooked dinners or kept saying “this is too much I can’t accept” I’d actually be quite offended.

How should contact be like in the build up for a first date . We are waiting to hear about the restrictions before setting one up
In the mean time would you contact/expect contact in the build up to that ?

Sorry for the silly question, I don't just want to be overbearing and drive him away before we have even met .

Ooooooh @TheCatWithTheHat we're all excited by this news! Do please report in with an update once you've met your 'strange experience'

You've inspired me to do some swiping just in case there's a jewel awaiting me.

Nope. All awful. Back to the sabbatical...

cat I call bullshit on Miss Walker - not used to physical contact... She hasn't been in captivity since childhood! I think she's friend zoning you.

Which makes Miss Magic so much more enticing! There's got to be something there. I have high hopes and am looking forward to an update.

@TheCatWithTheHat ooo how exciting! Looking forward to the update

Also, I accept I'm pretty ignorant about the behaviour of people with autism, but surely they're not necessarily people without basic manners?

I'm autistic, and my manners are exemplary

@TheCatWithTheHat I agree Miss Walker is bullshit friend zoning you

I find the quick ones the best... just don't do a me and get totally carried away. I'm still not over the whole Mr Planner experience.

So Mr Pet... well after meeting last week and him being super keen kept trying to take the conversation just about sex, I told him I wasn't a pleasure doll so he chatted a bit then went quiet. He was meant to come for dinner /stay over tomorrow, but as I've not heard from him since Friday I've practiced my response.... 'oh do piss off'

I'm chatting to Mr Showers ... meeting for coffee Saturday, I think I'm going to fall for this exquisitely intellectual kind respectful young man. He's married (Poly) and she's completely included in our conversations so I know it to be the case. They play together and separately and she's also delicious and bi but he approached me, not them as a couple. I will ask a lot about their dynamic when I meet him. I will be head smart.

I'm also chatting to a Mr Fix it, phone call last night (he's not from UK but here since 2007 but such a delicious accent) was supposed to meet for walk tonight but put off until tomorrow as he needed to work late. If it doesn't happen tomorrow he's binned. I can't be doing with the plan changers

Who's noticing the tough Craving tonight! I am the prize!!!

Ah @cravingthelook I have a poly beau too - his girlfriend is pregnant and he claims he’d like to get me pregnant too...feels a bit weird for me. I think I’d be ok with the whole living as a group thing but worry about my existing child

@cravingthelook sounds like you have a few interesting dates! Intrigued by mr showers!

I was going to take a break but kept messaging the folk I was already messaging.

Mr tall - we've been messaging for a month and we've never met or even videocalled. Says he really likes me but I can see he's been online (WhatsApp) and on tinder. So I need to realise he's not interested and look at actions not words 🙄😢

Mr fox - since our first date (3weeks ago) he's not asked me on a second but we still sometimes message. He's never been great at messaging. So think he's not interested either 💁🏻‍♀️

Think I need a break for Christmas and hopefully the dating pool improves for 2021 😂😂

@LongtimelurkerL I've been in Poly relationships before (not sure how long you've been on the thread) and ok with proper ethical non-monogamy. Even I'd go into something as a secondary very carefully.

Woah, get you cracking those knuckles craving!

Do you think it will be a problem, emotionally, falling for someone who's already lovingly attached? I'm fascinated by the notion of polyamoury, but wondering how it works with jealousy, division of time etc....I find the idea of kind of going through jealousy and out the other side very appealing, but genuinely don't know whether it would work for me or not.

I don't know @crackofdoom with Mr Tea I went in knowing I was 1 of 4 and as much as I adored him I never fell, I can't tell you if that was the circumstances of 2020 or me holding back or if it was just not going to happen anyway. In that case the end came naturally and we are still friends.

I felt quite jealous with Ms Jam but that was a division of time thing and since talking it through it was her mental place at that time. I love her to pieces and no longer have that jealousy.

It's all just potential but I'm going to see how it goes with Mr Showers but honestly no one has instantly attracted me intellectually the way he has. Our conversations just went boom immediately.

@jigglypuffcookie ... step away from those two, you already know, irons who are interested message and go on dates.

Mr Planner needs to get out of my head. Not heard from him in 2 weeks (I think 17 days was the longest gap)
I think he'd be in my head even if I never heard from him, and this is my problem not his. But I'm the prize and he's missing out.

That's the hardest part @cravingthelook they take ages to leave our minds then text as soon as we are starting to move on!

I will be stepping away! Funny how I needed to hear it from someone else and write it down to realise it 😂

Yeh another “slightly fascinated by the idea of polyamory” types here

But not sure if I’m just thinking it’s a good idea in principle but how it actually works IRL

At the moment, MrC seems to be edging into boyfriendzone.

Not a foot wrong and we can hopefully get straight in with the bubbling/joint quality time when he returns.

But also can’t help but be slightly intrigued/drawn to MrMilitary. I accept there was some mutual fuckwittery/miscommunication at the start (made worse by me being ill and ending up blocking him as I couldn’t cope) - I guess the lure of wanting to make amends and start with a “clean sheet” with him is there.

And if I’m honest I’d like to meet them both when they get back into town - but I think if MrC is moving towards the boyfriendzone it might be weird?....

Not sure if polyamory necessarily is the solution, maybe it’s just me! Or if I should calm the fuck down and concentrate on MrC.

The trouble is although I’ve had these guys as “romantic interests” for a while and it seems reciprocated from both, in terms of actual face physical time it’s been sparse due to their jobs. So I need more info really.

Plus I don’t even know if it’s just me being a closet commitmentphobe kind of enjoying the single woman lifestyle and not actually deep down WANTING a boyfriend I see regularly?

Just rambling, hope it will sort itself out.

MrC is messaging regularly, MrMilitary has made a point of letting me know he’s in town for a big chunk of time from next month.

(I’m kind of feeling like I’m technically a port hussy chasing after sailors and boys in uniform but given that I haven’t even been out for a date in three months that’s probably not strictly accurate )

@Bunkbedpeople

This bit hit home
Plus I don’t even know if it’s just me being a closet commitmentphobe kind of enjoying the single woman lifestyle and not actually deep down WANTING a boyfriend I see regularly?

It's not that I'm a commitmentphobe but I genuinely like the idea of variety in my life. I'm pretty intense and spreading that out among people seems a good idea. 😁
I want amazing connection but deep down I can't see myself marrying again or living with someone or any of that stuff. That's why Mr Planner and I clicked. We both got it.

Just back from my date with Mr Spark, he was surprisingly the (almost ) perfect gentleman.

Conversation flowed and I had a great time. I think he took what I said on board and hence why he was on his best behaviour, I guess time will tell whether it's genuine or not. He said he'd really like to see me again on Saturday.

My iron you've all said I should stop talking to is a weird combination of cursory but caring.

Says caring things and asks questions whilst being quite curt

Not sure I should bother contacting anymore

HI all - catching up after a manic few days (work is insane, I've done 3 x 12 hour days recently

@Bunkbedpeople PMSL at Port Hussy. Wish I didn't live inland, I might join you haha (even though I know you aren't really one!). Keep us posted on how it goes with Mr C.

@LongtimelurkerL I like the idea of group living too! I often think I'd do well in a commune. Or maybe a cult haha. I do like company!

I'm fascinated by all your musings on messaging styles, anxiety, and why certain people fuck you up because of how the relationship ended and how badly you let them treat you rather than any intrinsic worth of theirs. This all resonates with me. And also the whole "if a guy is interested he will let you know".

Even knowing this, I still can't stop thinking about Mr Beard (5 months after it ended) even though I can see he was absolutely the worst sort of person for me to fall for when I did after a long horrible marriage. Still, like you with Mr Planner @cravingthelook - I can't get him out of my head, despite all the other irons. And of course he slides into my DMs just often enough to fuck me up.

I've actually come off the apps now apart from OKC which I've not deleted but not been on for weeks either. I'm whittling down the numbers as I'm just weary and tired and don't trust anyone anymore (not even myself) but still have a couple around.

Two and a half months in, Mr Local is still very much my sexy Tuesday guy (strictly FWB) and Mr Ginger is remarkably persevering. I do like him actually - though sort of flip flop a bit. Like someone said up thread (several of you) - dinner and dates, good - but I'm done with walking round a cold park with a crappy cup of coffee. I wouldn't do that for bloody Cillian Murphy, frankly. AND although he talks a good game about wanting to be my boyfriend (he deleted the apps, or so he says, after date 2) I don't think he is being honest about how much time his ex-partner spends at his house. And his kids live him, so I can't go there. I get that not everyone can afford to run two homes and of course his ex doesn't work while he does two jobs so unless she stays at her mums or marries a millionaire I guess he is stuck with her. I just kind of don't want the whole bloody mess. I have my own freeloading twat of an ex to deal with. I don't want his as well.

Have let Mr Golf go (again - pub lunch fine, walking round a park, nah) and am just indulging in chats with some others. Interestingly one is polyamorous so I'm fascinated by your liaison @CravingtheLook. I'm following your adventures with attention as I am not sure what to do about meeting him (let's call him Mr Motorhome). He also has a very complex back story though (don't they all) so am dancing around him a bit. And a filthy guy I'll call Mr Muscle who lives just that bit too far away and I'm quite relieved as he's a bit intense. It's like putting my hand in the fire though, I keep chatting to him as he intrigues me.

Anyway with my working hours, in reality I'm doing very little apart from my Tuesday night hot sex date with Mr Local. Which is going nowhere but is often the best 4 hours in any given week.

@TheCatWithTheHat I like the sound of your new lady - I'd go for it if I were you. Miss Walker sounds like she is making an excuse to friendzone you and you seem too nice for that.

Hopefully when lockdown lets up next week things will be a bit better for all of us!

@UtterSocks sadly not a lot of dashing goodbye kisses and rum involved so far, just all a bit dull and low key. Port hussy definitely not as exciting as it sounds

I agree with your reservations about MrGinger by the way - someone’s living situation DOES make a difference - I’m happy going frugal dating, don’t care if the guy lives in a poky little studio or a mansion.

But I really don’t want to be in the position of always having to host because of someone’s “complicated” living situation - it’s a dealbreaker for me. Even if the guy was perfect in other way

Hope you get some chill time soon weekend can’t come soon enough!

@cravingthelook I'm intrigued by your poly dating. Do you meet on normal dating apps, or are there different apps for this kind of dating? It's not something I'd consider I don't think, but it's fascinating reading about it.

As for being friend-zoned by Miss Walker - I think that's most likely the case, but I don't actually mind. A year ago, I'd have been frantically analysing each text message, anxiously tearing my hair out convincing myself that she really does like me, but now I just accept that if it happens, she's not the right one for me.

As for the new lady - we had another long chat on the phone tonight, got on really well, and are planning to meet tomorrow for a coffee. There are one or two red flags though, one of which is that she's not yet divorced, and only separated earlier this year. She seems to be doing all the things she felt she couldn't do before, so I do wonder if I'm part of the fantasy of a new, exciting single life. However I'm going into this with my eyes open.

We do have a lot in common, and she's managed to keep me on the phone for over 2 hours today which is pretty impressive given I don't really like speaking on the phone that much.

I've also arranged a date for next week with someone I've been chatting to for a week or two (I need to come up with a name) once lockdown finishes, which I'm also looking forward to. She's been a bit of a slow burner, but since I arranged the date she's more chatty - although I do wonder if some if that is down to the excitement of a date that has toilets and alcohol rather than just coffee and a cold walk