Relationship with married man for a year! Now what...

[conb123]

I know it's awful and I will be judged. But I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. His partner discovered the affair a few weeks ago and he's gone back to his partner and I am beside myself. It's literally as if I have never existed. How could he do this to me. Is it time to move on? I have wasted a whole year on this man. Promises me the world then drops me as soon as she finds out.
Some constructive advice needed please.

@profilechange

I've pm'd you x

How do I read PM's?

I know someone who has been in a relationship with a married man for over 20 years, he promised to leave his wife and still hasn't. He has children with both women. I'd see this as a lucky escape and definitely move on.

'How could he do this to me.'
The same way as he did it to his wife.
You know, the person he promised to be with forever.
He isn't blameless, of course. But, you are equally to blame.
In all of this, however, his wife is the victim, so stop bleating and feeling sorry for yourself. You've known about this a long time, so did he.
His wife has had this bombshell dropped on her only recently - and you're feeling sorry for yourself....?
I suspect from your post that you would have quite happily carried on if you hadn't been found out. That makes you (and him) the lowest of the low in my eyes.

Yes of course I thought about it.
I just behaved really selfishly.
He has 2 children under 5. I have 1 child aged 4

At least you can admit that you behaved selfishly. I don't think there's any person, tantric sex position or ego boost in the world that could make me hurt three children and someone's wife. Maybe that's pious but it's absolutely true.

Are you going to fall for this again?

@conb123
You have to log on the the web browser not the app x

@gypsywater

This is pure ego

I'm not sure what you mean?

The point is he cheated and lied to his wife. So how can anything he says be believed. He has been caught out as a selfish duplicitous cheat. No point in being surprised he is capable of dumping you without a look back.

Ignore the comments from the bitter wives brigade. They are just trying to convince themselves that their cheating ‘D’H’s affairs meant nothing and it was all that evil OW! Mumsnet is full of them unfortunately! I don’t have any advice but after seeing some of these comments I just wanted to say that not everyone is so judgemental. Not every situation is black and white. He’s probably staying with his wife because it’s the easy option. You’re entitled to feel the way you do, it was an important relationship for you. Allow yourself to feel sad and grieve as you would any other relationship. Your feelings are real and you were led to believe it was the same for him, it’s natural that you will be upset.

It is a bit of paper that enshrines vows and commitments that may or maybe not there in other relationships.

@FoolsAssassin

What I never understand in these situations is why women fall for these lies when it’s a well trodden path and the Internet is full of stories of others who fell for it so not like there is no warning.

What you do now is move on and learn from it.

Exactly. I feel for those who genuinely had no idea that the guy was married but all you get from those who actually knew is self-victimising rubbish, which is very telling. They take no responsibility for their actions whatsoever and act like they're helpless little children who just had to believe whatever the married men spouted out AND just had to fall into bed with him despite knowing full well he was still legally married.

Ignore the comments from the bitter wives brigade. They are just trying to convince themselves that their cheating ‘D’H’s affairs meant nothing and it was all that evil OW!

Oh yes, that's what we're all trying to do

@Baws

Ignore the comments from the bitter wives brigade. They are just trying to convince themselves that their cheating ‘D’H’s affairs meant nothing and it was all that evil OW! Mumsnet is full of them unfortunately! I don’t have any advice but after seeing some of these comments I just wanted to say that not everyone is so judgemental. Not every situation is black and white. He’s probably staying with his wife because it’s the easy option. You’re entitled to feel the way you do, it was an important relationship for you. Allow yourself to feel sad and grieve as you would any other relationship. Your feelings are real and you were led to believe it was the same for him, it’s natural that you will be upset.

Thank you so much

His Wife is an idiot

That's cute, the mistresses sticking together...how sweet

Disgusting

To put it bluntly, are you still offering oral to the man?

@conb123 Pure ego - you're hurting cos he picked his wife. It's normal for that to sting. But we cant always be Number 1 in life. Sometimes we lose. It's part of life.

@DoWahDiddy

To put it bluntly, are you still offering oral to the man?

To put it bluntly no! Because I havnt spoken to the arsehole

'Baws
Ignore the comments from the bitter wives brigade. They are just trying to convince themselves that their cheating ‘D’H’s affairs meant nothing and it was all that evil OW! Mumsnet is full of them unfortunately! I don’t have any advice but after seeing some of these comments I just wanted to say that not everyone is so judgemental. Not every situation is black and white. He’s probably staying with his wife because it’s the easy option. You’re entitled to feel the way you do, it was an important relationship for you. Allow yourself to feel sad and grieve as you would any other relationship. Your feelings are real and you were led to believe it was the same for him, it’s natural that you will be upset.
Thank you so much.'
Fuck that. These are real people you're dealing with, with emotions of their own.
Bitter wives? Of course they are - because thier shitty husbands have behaved as if the only thing that is important is their dicks.

Yes I think it’s time to move on. He’s been found out and has decided to stay with his wife. It’s awful that you were misled into thinking your relationship had a future and then cut you off when the affair was discovered.

You’ve been hurt but, as others have said, maybe there is something you can take from it about how you ended up in the situation. Affairs rarely end well and someone (if not everyone) always ends up getting hurt.

He didn’t ‘go back’ to his wife. He chose to stay with his wife. She’s an absolute fool for taking him back, but you were always on a hiding to nothing regardless. He’ll have a new secret girlfriend in a year or two.

I reserve my sympathy for the only 'vivtim' in this whole sordid story. The wife! I haven't been cheated on but still feel for all of the women whose life has been turned upside down. How crass of someone to dismiss them as bitter. You are reaping all that you have sown.

@Baws

Ignore the comments from the bitter wives brigade. They are just trying to convince themselves that their cheating ‘D’H’s affairs meant nothing and it was all that evil OW! Mumsnet is full of them unfortunately! I don’t have any advice but after seeing some of these comments I just wanted to say that not everyone is so judgemental. Not every situation is black and white. He’s probably staying with his wife because it’s the easy option. You’re entitled to feel the way you do, it was an important relationship for you. Allow yourself to feel sad and grieve as you would any other relationship. Your feelings are real and you were led to believe it was the same for him, it’s natural that you will be upset.

Seconded

My only thoughts are with his poor wife.

It's hilarious that you actually believed he was going to leave his wife for you. You were an easy shag, nothing more.