Relationship with married man for a year! Now what...

[conb123]

I know it's awful and I will be judged. But I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. His partner discovered the affair a few weeks ago and he's gone back to his partner and I am beside myself. It's literally as if I have never existed. How could he do this to me. Is it time to move on? I have wasted a whole year on this man. Promises me the world then drops me as soon as she finds out.
Some constructive advice needed please.

What I don't understand is when a woman posts on here about her husband having an affair and calls the OW names people pile on and have a go telling her all ther anger should be directed at the husband and shouldn't be angry at the OW as she never made the vows. Yet when an OW posts on here everyone posts abuse, calls her names, tells her she's got what she deserves etc 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have you even stopped to think about the pain his wife is feeling right now? How much more intense and long-lasting that pain will be because of your’s and her husband’s actions? Maybe think about that and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

@NCForXmasTat
No, people point out they're both vile as they have done here.

Did you honestly think it would end any other way?

He wanted a sneaky shag. He got caught. He was never leaving her. You mean nothing to him. Stop being so gullible. Move on.

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@NCForXmasTat
No, people point out they're both vile as they have done here. [/quote]
Yes and rightly so but what I mean is the cheated on wife always seems to get told off for calling the OW names and many people will say the OW hasn't done anything wrong as she doesn't owe the wife anything.

The wife is a mug to take him back and you were a mug to put up with being a side piece for a year. But that’s in the past now. Focus on getting stronger and building your self-esteem. Your next guy will be single and 100 times better.

Yes, that's kind of true, but ONLY on the threads where the op apportions no blame whatsoever to the man. Posters have to go over the top to correct the balance!

Yes and rightly so but what I mean is the cheated on wife always seems to get told off for calling the OW names and many people will say the OW hasn't done anything wrong as she doesn't owe the wife anything

Well different people give different responses. The people on other threads criticising people for calling OW whores, are not the same people as those on this thread calling the OP a skank, are they?

'How could he do this to me' lol. You were a side piece, he didn't give a crap about you, stop being a victim when you knew you were screwing a married man. Just stop.

Also he didn't go back to her, he never left her.

Unfortunately you were never anything to him emotionally, and you accepted that this might happen as soon as you saw someone who was married. Unfortunately whilst we would like to think we mean more, we don't.

ThatWasLulu Im sorry to hear about what happened to you .Sounds like you had a lucky escape! No idea why some families would meet another woman ,when their Son is still married.Glad you are happy now .That Bastard is a disgusting piece of low life!

Believing the tired old cliches that flow out of an adulterers mouth is indefensible, like, there’s a script these dirtbags use, to the letter. Anyone who actually believes that shite is just humiliating themselves.

What happened after she found the messages? Did he message you or did she?
And then did he just stop contacting you?

I wouldn't call it a relationship for a start, He's married, you were just a bit on the side. Not sure what advice you are looking for. As someone who was cheated on for years and still not over it, I really can't be bothered trying to make you feel better. Find somebody single, and hope to god if you make it to marriage it doesn't happen to you.

What you’re experiencing is karma. And I can’t say I feel sorry for you.

Practical advice (which will sound really harsh) is to pretend he's died. Block him on everything. Never look at his social media. Delete every message your ever sent each other. Then really it's just distraction and investing all your energy in other things - contact old friends, message someone else whenever you feel like you're weakening and might message him. If you're stuck at home at the moment in lockdown make a plan for each day that involves exercising, watching stuff, plan meals, etc.... The basics become incredibly important when we're grieving for something (which is what you will be doing) so remember to eat well, don't drink too much alcohol (a little is fine, but it's a terrible depressant), exercise, sleep. It sounds so very basic, but if you do all these little things to look after yourself it adds up.

Be grateful that it was only a year and learn from it. So many single people out there. Why ever bother with anyone who isn't ever agaub? You'll see this same scenario play out with people you know over the years and be thankful you've learned your lesson now. You're honestly going to be so much better off.

@dottiedodah
No idea why some families would meet another woman ,when their Son is still married

Because sometimes the wife is a witch and the family is relieved to see him with someone nice and hopes it will become permanent. I've seen it several times.

Well it was only a year, not five years, not seven years. It could have been. You living in a never to be realised dream world and him stringing you along.
He's shown you where you are in the pecking order now so walk away.
They say it takes a week for every year you have been with someone to recover, so that's 3 months of pain and then you'll be ok.

[quote TibetanTerrier]@dottiedodah
No idea why some families would meet another woman ,when their Son is still married

Because sometimes the wife is a witch and the family is relieved to see him with someone nice and hopes it will become permanent. I've seen it several times.[/quote]
May be the family should have encouraged him to leave the witch instead of encouraging him to be a lying, cheating piece of scum..says a lot about the family! They think someone who sleeps with a married man is nice

"How could he do this to me"???
Exactly the same way you and he did this to his wife,

What goes around comes around.

Thank you, I've enjoyed seeing the other side of the devastation.. Be thankful you don't have to live with the vile cheating scum of a man.. learn from this and hope you are never the wife! Men really are the pits!

You were just somewhere to park his dick.

Move on.

At the most basic level he proved that he wasn’t a nice guy from the beginning. A decent guy with 2 little kids under 5 would have been either supporting his wife or if the marriage had broken down he would have left and supported them from a distance. He chose to shag around behind her back so therefore he is not a decent guy.

He will never leave is wife for you. You have been on the sidelines for a whole year already. Not to mention he is an absolute liar. You could never trust him. Why would you even want to be with someone like that. Move on with your life and don't waste any more of your time.