Relationship with married man for a year! Now what...

[conb123]

I know it's awful and I will be judged. But I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. His partner discovered the affair a few weeks ago and he's gone back to his partner and I am beside myself. It's literally as if I have never existed. How could he do this to me. Is it time to move on? I have wasted a whole year on this man. Promises me the world then drops me as soon as she finds out.
Some constructive advice needed please.

You were only with him a year and for that entire time he was married, so yes, you were insignificant to him in the great scheme of things, you were a bit of light relief, clearly his wife is the significant one (not that she's won any great prize). He's made his choice amd it's no surprise, so you'll just have to deal with it, I have no sympathy either

I am sorry, OP; it must be very painful for you. For better or worse, he's made his choice and yes, I do think you need to move on.

Better that you break up now, rather than put your life on hold and live in the shadows for the next decade, just waiting for him to leave his wife so that you can start a proper relationship. Don't berate yourself about choices or what may or may not have been. Try to take whatever good you can from the situation and move forwards. And, for what it's worth, the old adage that one should never go back is really true. Even if he and his wife don't stay together, don't go back to him.

You deserve everything you are getting my dear👍

@CurrentEvents

Zero sympathy for you and your predicament. You're the author of your own misfortune. Take a good hard look at your home wrecking self and ask yourself if his wife and kids deserved you and him taking a sledgehammer to their lives because you fancied fucking each other for the thrills. Sure, if it wasn't you it would probably have been someone else, but it was you. You did this knowingly and selfishly. I hope it takes you longer to get over this than it does for his wife.

Could not have put it any better!!!

now what = its over, it was sordid and never going anywhere. Move on with your life. Work on yourself. Put your kids first. Make better choices, for you.

(Not married, never been cheated on, that I know of - except a relationship at university when very young (and even that hurt a lot))

You're brave to post this on mumsnet

Whatever you do, do not take him back. If his wife decides she's worth more than this lying cheat of a husband and slings him out remember you were second-best, just keep saying, he chose her over me, he chose her over me, and move on. Plus he will lose some of his charm once he's unwanted and available. And don't be sucked in again! Read the Relationships board and discover your self-worth.

Ignore the comments from the bitter wives brigade. They are just trying to convince themselves that their cheating ‘D’H’s affairs meant nothing and it was all that evil OW! Mumsnet is full of them unfortunately! I don’t have any advice but after seeing some of these comments I just wanted to say that not everyone is so judgemental.

🤣 😂

grabs popcorn ☺️

Constructive advice?

1. Don't sleep with married men. 2) Ask yourself why you were dim enough to fall for the oldest, most cliched script in the world.

Someone close to me did this. They knew absolutely I objected and didnt approve.

She was married. He was too. Her husband found out. She continued the affair. Her husband left her.

Married man divorced his wife for other reasons.

5 years of this. 5 bloody years and my friend is still doing the pick me dance.

He won't take you. If he won't leave his wife after a year he never will.
L

Honestly dust yourself off and move on. Why would you want to be with someone so comfortable with lying. If he's treat his wife this way for a year, you've no hope

@CurrentEvents

Zero sympathy for you and your predicament. You're the author of your own misfortune. Take a good hard look at your home wrecking self and ask yourself if his wife and kids deserved you and him taking a sledgehammer to their lives because you fancied fucking each other for the thrills. Sure, if it wasn't you it would probably have been someone else, but it was you. You did this knowingly and selfishly. I hope it takes you longer to get over this than it does for his wife.

If anyone is the 'home wrecker' then it is the spouse that cheats. they are the person with the commitment/kids/house etc. They are the ones who stood in front of witnesses to plight their troth etc. They are the ones with a spouse at home. married people tell all manner of half-truths/skewed truths and outright lies in these circumstances and people can genuinely be confused but I would NEVER put the blame on anyone other than the cheating spouse of whichever sex. Put the blame where it belongs.

I doubt you'll get much change out of anybody here but there should be plenty of advice online to mull over. Painful as it is, it's time to move on. You lost your head over this guy but there is little to be gained from beating yourself up over it. I would be careful who you share this with too as you'll only invite abuse. Sometimes it helps to write it all down, to express how you feel , but otherwise just keep shtum. It's human to make a mistake , just don't make a habit of it.

This must hurt OP.
Most married men don't leave their wives. If they were going to do that they would have done it already.
He lied to you, he may have been lying to himself as he lied to you.

Give yourself time to lick your wounds and then move forward.

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander
Surely its the other way around? The women are "bitter and twisted" (although I wouldn't use those words, I'd say heartbroken and hurting) because their not so 'D' Hs cheated?

Yes, it was the women I was referring to. I was saying that it's not surprising so many men play away when so many women are capable of being so vile.

[quote TibetanTerrier]@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander
Surely its the other way around? The women are "bitter and twisted" (although I wouldn't use those words, I'd say heartbroken and hurting) because their not so 'D' Hs cheated?

Yes, it was the women I was referring to. I was saying that it's not surprising so many men play away when so many women are capable of being so vile.[/quote]
So it's the woman's fault her husband is a cheating cunt? Right.

I'm well aware that you were referring to the women BTW. But the reason most of those women are bitter and twisted is because their husband cheated. He didnt cheat because she was bitter. What would she have to be bitter about?
Of course we can't ever blame a man for being a shit. Its always a woman's fault

"How could he do this to me?" - Are you fucking kidding??? How could he do that to his WIFE? You know, the woman he met and began a relationship with years before you, who he stood beside in front of all their friends and family and vowed to love and cherish and be faithful to forever?

Who the fuck even are you? Nobody. That's who.

And he's a cunt.

I was saying that it's not surprising so many men play away when so many women are capable of being so vile

God, this age old misogyny again. Blaming women for men having sex.

You need to bear in mind op that if he does come back to you, there is fuck all chance (zero, none) that he was the instigator. He will have been kicked out by his wife. He will of course claim he has chosen you and left his wife. There is no way on earth that would be true.

Karma, for the skanky I'm afraid.
What did you expect, I pity his poor partner tbh, you deserve to suffer.

Have you got tested for sexually transmitted diseases yet?
Put your focus into parenting your kid instead of what garbage you can get porked by. How embarrassing.

I always find this hatred being shown towards someone for believing someone else's lies quite unedifying.

Women who are cheated on aren't bitter and twisted pushing their poor husbands away, they are supporting him, looking after his kids, having sex with him and going about their lives utterly oblivious to the carnage that is about to blow everything apart.

The resentment and bitterness comes from what their husbands did to them. Betrayed them with women who IMHO have no morals.

It's fucking hard, so fucking obliterating that I wouldn't even wish it on the women who do this, fuck other people's husbands without a by or leave for the children involved, or the nasty, vile women on her blaming the betrayed wives for their husbands actions.

I feel for you as you have been misled by this man.He wants his cake and to eat it over and over again.Look Im not excusing you, but you are in for a good old roasting here!Many men find family life dull and will often look "elsewhere". You will not be the first or last in this position thats for damn sure!Please run a mile in future, if even a sniff of commitment to someone else! These men are happy to take off you ,but wont often give up a comfortable lifestyle easily .They will crawl back to their poor long suffering wives ,tail between their legs!