Food. I'm teeny, tiny me <simpers> aren't I lucky - because I have CHRONIC PAIN. DH comments on what I eat.

[MrsGRamsay]

Because of chronic joint pain I find it hard to take on sufficient calories. My DH is a good bloke - does 99% of housework etc and has learnt to cook. He's naturally slim. He will have bread with every meal 'Toast and marmite for breakfast?! Not the same without some Sourdough and cheese on the side!'; we could have Sushi and he'd crowbar a couple of slices of sourdough in.

However, I've noticed that if I admit to a hint of appetite he'll comment on how hefty the dish was, how there was enough in 'one portion' to share for two etc. I've just come back from a over a week in hospital where one nurse (lovely lady) really tried to get me to eat and have lost even more weight

@famousforwrongreason

I have chronic pain and I'm fat as fuck as unable to do any calory burning exercise. Any tips gratefully received.

Visit the Bootcamp board for weight loss. Low Carb/High Fat (LCHF). We are on Week 5 out of 10 weeks but it’s a very welcoming environment, an easy way to eat, and no exercise required for weight loss.

He sounds like the opposite of a feeder op. And he needs to get to fuck. Hope you've got support elsewhere.

Is it possibly his way of expressing frustration that it's hard to plan for your appetite, given he presumably does most to all of the meal planning and cooking? So perhaps he underestimates how much food to make (hence, eating lots of bread every meal), and then when you do unexpectedly want to eat more than he'd assumed (which is great for your health, btw), it's frustrating to him because it's difficult to anticipate. Maybe he was hoping for a second helping or to take leftovers for lunch? I know there are times when dh is really hungry because he's too distracted to properly eat during the day at work, and he wants to eat loads more than I had anticipated, but I'd planned that amount of food to have leftovers for my lunch...so frankly, it's annoying.

Could you ask him to plan to make extra food of things you usually really like so you could freeze leftovers? Then you could make something extra on certain days - for either of you, depending on who is more hungry that day.

@Shuddawuddacudda

We understand that you're underweight because you're not well. What is not clear however, is what exactly your DH is saying or doing. You haven't quite clarified whether he doesn't want you eating or whether he wants all the food for himself?

Well, it looks to me as if anytime OP is able to actually eat something, her DH is commenting on her food as if she's eating too much, despite the fact that she's severely underweight. In other words, he an arse.

Anything she's enjoying/managing to get down, he's taking off her and eating himself. With a load of sourdough to bulk it up.

So, a tin of soup. If the OP manages the whole of it, she will have consumed a reasonable amount of calories. It's effort, but something she can manage.
But she's not allowed to do this. Because before she's finished, or declared herself defeated, her husband comes along and takes half of it.
So he eats a small bowl of soup more or less as a sauce for all his bread and cheese. And OP is left with a meal of about 200 calories.

Leftovers that she enjoyed and thinks she could manage again - nope, scoffed.

And it really does sound quite intentional.

So OP doesn't just have the problem that she struggles to consume food. She's not being allowed it in the first place.

Have you pointed this out to him and asked him to explain himself OP? I'd be feeling tearfully angry and frustrated in your position I think.

OP, your second and third posts only explain what the simpering stuff was about, you still havent said what the actual problem is? Your OP, is a rant, we get that, but wtf was it ranting about?

@GoJoe2020

OP, your second and third posts only explain what the simpering stuff was about, you still havent said what the actual problem is? Your OP, is a rant, we get that, but wtf was it ranting about?

Try reading the post by LimpidPools immediately before yours. It's a good summary.

you still havent said what the actual problem is? Your OP, is a rant, we get that, but wtf was it ranting about?

@GoJoe2020 I'd say it's pretty clear what the problem is, she sums it up near the end of her first post. OP has been medically advised that she needs to eat more, but whenever she eats anything her husband makes comments about how much she's eating, implying she's eating too much.

It's really unconstructive and unhealthy.

@LimpidPools I don't even think it's mainly (at least not solely) that. Whenever she eats he's casting aspersions about her eating, saying she's eating an abnormal portion, when she isn't. A larger than average portion when she can manage it would probably be fine anyway (not that she's even eating that) because she's trying to gain weight or maintain her weight based on medical need.

This needn't be only because he wants the food for himself- a lot of (twattish) men are weird about women eating.

Sorry op. I do not understand your post. I understand the chronic pain as I deal with that myself. Do you mean, that your dh judges what you eat?

@Interestedwoman

you still havent said what the actual problem is? Your OP, is a rant, we get that, but wtf was it ranting about?

@GoJoe2020 I'd say it's pretty clear what the problem is, she sums it up near the end of her first post. OP has been medically advised that she needs to eat more, but whenever she eats anything her husband makes comments about how much she's eating, implying she's eating too much.

It's really unconstructive and unhealthy.

Ye, but where does the bread/sourdough come into it?

On the one hand the OP is at pains to explain that the reason that she's underweight is because of her chronic pain condition. On the other hand, I feel that the sourdough-eating-DH is getting the brunt of her frustration maybe. I hate these threads where posters keep you guessing.

In any case, for weight gain, I was on these little drinks called Ensure. They gave me the mini drinks as I couldn't stomach the normal sized drinks. They've pretty much a lot of your nutrients with potassium, magnesium and something else missing (can't remember what). Each little drink (a bit like a yoghurt/milk drink) had about 350 kcals. They had protein in even! They're best chilled as they're mingin at room temperature but they really built me up when I was very ill a few years ago. The hospital discharged me on them and then the GP put them on my repeat prescription.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I didn't understand any of that really but this bit:

. I said I could eat because not much and he said didn't make sense because would only keep going on and on. He had with two slices of bread (of course) then mentioned plenty enough for two.

I'm stumped!

you and me both

These are the drinks. nutrition.abbott/uk/product/ensure-compact.

He could well be making comments about portion sizes as well, Interestedwoman. That's certainly implied in the thread title.

I'm convinced he wouldn't have considered eating any of these things if he hadn't seen OP eating them first. But if he had chosen independently to make himself one of them as a meal, you can bet he wouldn't have served himself a half portion.

This needn't be only because he wants the food for himself- a lot of (twattish) men are weird about women eating.
You won't catch me disagreeing with this!

I understood the op perfectly well (apartment from the "on and on" bit).
It's certainly a worry than your dh has an issue with you having an appetite. I think you need to talk to him and find out what it's all about. And also be more assertive, "I could probably eat all of that so just let me have a go please".

OP I sympathise with your chronic pain condition.
Constantly being in pain can make you so frustrated and some men are not the most tactful carers.

I hope you get some relief, keep on top of the pain relief, try and add calories, fortisips are good but expensive if not on perscription.

Try and get puddings down you and easily digestable foods.
Hubby should be more thoughtful about saving the foods you can eat for later.

It’s nothing to do with him what you eat. If you feel like eating then you should eat. You don’t need to ask him just eat. And take no notice if he comments just ignore and eat what you want. If he is stopping you from eating then that is abusive and you should leave him.

OP did you put the simpering in and teeny tiny stuff in to detract from the fact that your DH is more focused on what he wants and needs to eat rather than you. That rather than worry about how much you are eating/weight you are losing he just sees it as extra food he can eat.

Because I think you are using some humour here to mask the problem because actually your DH isnt being nice or supportive

I empathise OP. I was extremely ill following a brain injury, and I struggled to eat. When I did eat I vomited much of it back up. I went from a pleasantly plump size 14 to a skeletal size 8 and some people actually CONGRATULATED me on my weight loss. I will never forget a daft SIL asking me what my secret was. Err, near death, constant nausea and excruciating headaches actually. Scrambled eggs are a good easily digestible source of protein if you can manage them, take care and tell your DH you need to eat for better the sake of your health.

I read it as her husband is a greedy bastard who wants half of anything she eats. Hence the enough for 2.

@Shaniac Yes, that makes sense. I think those saying that are right, he's after OP's food.

I read the mentioning the husband's sourdough as just saying that he's kind of criticising OP's portions sizes when he doesn't eat like a bird himself.

I think I understand OP's post pretty much, and the tone of distress.

As someone else earlier in thread, this isn't AIBU or bear-baiting society. If people don't understand an OP, they can simply ask for clarification - without taking the piss or being openly hostile and sneering. Or just "move on" to a thread that makes sense to them. People must be very bored, unpleasant or oblivious to others' feelings to find this a productive way to pass the time.

OP has probably left anyway. I hope you're alright, please look after yourself.

Is it really that hard to understand?

Because of chronic joint pain she finds it hard to eat enough calories. Her DH is a good bloke does housework and cooking. He's naturally slim. He eats a lot and bread with everything

However, she's noticed that if she admits to being hungry he'll comment on how big the meal is. She has just come back from over a week in hospital where she has lost even more weight and he's already made a comments about her food, all whilst eating large amount himself plus bread.

She rarely have an appetite because she's "FUCKING UNWELL" so you would think he'd be happy that she was eating at all.

I think posters were just trying to assess the seriousness of it.