Food. I'm teeny, tiny me <simpers> aren't I lucky - because I have CHRONIC PAIN. DH comments on what I eat.

[MrsGRamsay]

Because of chronic joint pain I find it hard to take on sufficient calories. My DH is a good bloke - does 99% of housework etc and has learnt to cook. He's naturally slim. He will have bread with every meal 'Toast and marmite for breakfast?! Not the same without some Sourdough and cheese on the side!'; we could have Sushi and he'd crowbar a couple of slices of sourdough in.

However, I've noticed that if I admit to a hint of appetite he'll comment on how hefty the dish was, how there was enough in 'one portion' to share for two etc. I've just come back from a over a week in hospital where one nurse (lovely lady) really tried to get me to eat and have lost even more weight

But is she being sarcastic as in she is actually overweight?

It's pretty clear that's not the case given she's just been in hospital for a week and has come out having lost more weight despite a nurse trying to help her to eat.

I know there's a slightly muddled sentence in the middle but the OP really isn't hard to understand.

I knew what you meant OP. There have been several threads where tonnes of posters have gone on sarcastically about ‘teeny tiny’ women simpering etc. I knew what you were trying to avoid!

Yes it sounds like he has an issue. You could perhaps clearly state ‘I am underweight due to chronic pain, I want you to encourage me to eat.’

You need someone who will nurture you, not judge.

Out of interest op what is your joint condition which means you can't take on enough calories ?

What's all this 🤔 *

I'm sorry you're in chronic pain, that sounds awful. Could you get some kind of dietary plan, from your GP or other HCP you see at hospital? You need to show him in black and white how many calories you need to aim for each day in order to reach a healthy weight, and what kind of food you need to be eating (presumably a healthy range of nutritious food including high-calorie food and food that tempts you?). Then there's no debate to be had, you - and he - need to follow the plan that's recommended to you by professionals.

Very odd that he isn't more concerned about your weight. I lost some weight due to anxiety and all DH did was encourage me to try to eat more.

Why does joint pain mean you find it hard to take on calories?

Perhaps you should talk plainly to your dh? Leaving out the simpering?

There have been loads of threads where women who describe themselves as tiny have been laid into as teeny weeny and simpering - the OP was obviously aware of them and trying to avoid that.

Also, if your DH makes remarks on what you eat or want to eat that seem a bit off, then you need to challenge him. 'Why are you saying that when you know that I'm underweight?'

Why does joint pain mean you find it hard to take on calories?

Maybe the movement of lifting food to the mouth causes pain?

Chronic pain can cause a decrease in appetite and some painkillers side effects can be nausea. Both result in weigh loss.

Your DH sounds like a knob.

I'm interpreting it as the OP is unwell and due to this is underweight and not gaining. Her DH is a pig and eats bread with everything. However when she eats he comments to the effect that she eats too much, even though she could do with gaining some weight.

You could all try being a bit kinder, this isn't AIBU and the OP may not have English as a first language.

This ^^ It's not fucking rocket science guys. Is he trying to keep you unwell, weak, under his control?

If your husband is making comments to the effect that you're eating too much, I'd tell him to stop talking and pass the (whatever food you find most appetising).

Explain to him that you're supposed to be putting on weight, and you'll take any further commentary as a statement that he wants you to be unwell. Would he like to see you feel worse and worse for lack of nutrition, or does he want you to be as healthy as you can?

Don't put up with it! Stand up for yourself and get him told!

My DH is a good bloke - does 99% of housework etc and has learnt to cook

Nearly every time I see this in a post it precedes the description of a knob.
Anyone making snide comments about eating in the OP's situation is the walking definition of a knob.

Every time he mentions your eating, you could let out a sad sigh and say "Yes...I think I'm over-eating to compensate for your small penis".

Could some people be less like the OP’s partner and more like someone who wants to understand and help?! OP, do you think your partner is being cruel or just insensitive? I think you do need to be plain with him that you need his support and why. What are the barriers to his understanding that?

Quite sad to read about how awful your DH is being, and then sad again to read some of the comments. What’s wrong with some people?

OP is underweight, finds it hard to eat and get enough calories and her husband is trying to restrict her food intake even further by commenting whenever she does eat something. All the while he is a pig who over eats.

OP this is not on from your H. You need to put your food down firmly and say “no, I’m underweight. I need to eat when i can”.

I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome, so joint pain from hell, dislocations, and lots of opiates which reduce appetite. I also have 15 other genetic conditions including Freiberg disease which has left multiple toe fractures. An accident in Lockdown involving a full industrial bin falling on me caused a rib fracture, leading to thoracic outlet syndrome (jugular distension and arm pain). Now awaiting lots of surgery on neck, shoulder and feet. Drinking morphine for the pain. Surgeon advised weight gain as I have appetite problems like what you describe. I look terrible at a low weight. No husband to cook for me as a single parent. I get to look after me, my kids (one with autism, the other with Ehlers like me), home educate both, look after elderly parent, run family business and organise my own work-from-home job. No help from anyone, no days off as sole custody and their father never takes them for more than an hour or two. Bottom line: life can be horrific, and make you stop eating. But you can do what I do, and focus on doing the best you can. If DH doesn't feed you, get online shopping delivered based around what you will eat. Ask your GP for a dietitian appointment and get Complan drinks, or whatever quietly boosts calories like cereal bars. Your bones will thank you for the nutrition.

The simpering was OP trying to make a self deprecating joke as she was clearly embarrassed about coming right out and saying she was underweight in case people were unkind or thought she was boasting. This seems to me like low self esteem, probably due to horrible husband!

he sounds abusive hes not great

I really can’t decipher half your post, but if you can’t eat enough and are underweight, get the GP to provide some nutritional shakes for you and have them on top of everything else you eat.

I had severe malnutrition at my coeliac diagnosis and hospital dietician prescribed these. They were a lifesaver, quite literally. Even with chronic pain you’ll be able to manage them.

Please rewrite the post into clearer language without the simpering.

@DianaT1969

Every time he mentions your eating, you could let out a sad sigh and say "Yes...I think I'm over-eating to compensate for your small penis".

I like this response!