Food. I'm teeny, tiny me <simpers> aren't I lucky - because I have CHRONIC PAIN. DH comments on what I eat.

[MrsGRamsay]

Because of chronic joint pain I find it hard to take on sufficient calories. My DH is a good bloke - does 99% of housework etc and has learnt to cook. He's naturally slim. He will have bread with every meal 'Toast and marmite for breakfast?! Not the same without some Sourdough and cheese on the side!'; we could have Sushi and he'd crowbar a couple of slices of sourdough in.

However, I've noticed that if I admit to a hint of appetite he'll comment on how hefty the dish was, how there was enough in 'one portion' to share for two etc. I've just come back from a over a week in hospital where one nurse (lovely lady) really tried to get me to eat and have lost even more weight

You need to get back control of your food op. Even if you weren’t teeny tiny (I got it) he’s being a controlling arse, you don’t need to explain or justify what you eat to him.

Are you dependent on him to cook/shop?

The cake is for you to enjoy in front of him.

Sounds like he likes you as thin as possible. If he cared about year health rather than having an ultra thin wife he'd be encouraging you to eat or at least leaving you alone and not trying to prevent you from eating. Could you confide to a medical person what's happening and get them to have stern words?

Hi everyone,
We've made some deletions on the thread, posts that are either troll hunting or just very much not in the spirit of the site. If we deleted them all the thread would look worse than it actually was so we have decided to leave some of them.
Can we re-iterate, please, that if you have concerns about a thread, we need you to report it to us to deal with? As it is, we can see that MrsGRamsay has been with us for a while.
And if a thread just isn't to your liking because of the way that the OP has written her first post, could we please ask that you skip past it and go and find one that is? We have a lot of posters in desperate need of support, there really are plenty to go round.
Thanks.

It sounds almost controlling - if I’ve understood correctly? He tries to stop (via commentary) from eating when you actually are able to eat?

That’s fucked up

I think you need to ask him outright what his problem is. Is he being greedy himself (annoying) or does he want you to stay underweight and unwell (abusive).

I am assuming the comments about the bread are to demonstrate that, while the OP's husband is happy to stuu his face at every opportunity, he seems to be actively attempting to shame/restrict the OPs diet, which isnt great anyway because of the pain meds she is on.

I agree that, even if you dont follow it, Id get a printout of what healthy diet / calorie intake you should be having.

Are the Drs concerned because you are seriously underweight - can you get any supplements such as complan/build up/fortishakes so that you dont have to eats lots, but it boosts your calorie intake. My daughter has a chronic disease where her calorific needs are much higher than the average, but she often had little appetite because of all the meds she was on.

So, if he wont just butt out because he is a bastard, perhaps professional involvement is needed.

I had another friend who's nasty controlling husband was food obsessed in respect to her diet - he would refer to her as tubby at a size 8. Her daughter developed serious MH issues including anorexia. He, however, enjoyed a full and varied diet. Some men like their women weakened and starved.

Somewhere in your initial opening jumble you quoted him as saying that you 'go on and on' or something. Do you go on and on about the pain/being overweight/hunger/his eating lots of bread?

It's hard to tell really what he's doing apart from eating lots of bread. I definitely got that much. I think he also wants half of what you're eating? But you're not teeny/tiny so you actually need the food or something?

I think a mixture of the meds/pain/irritation has made your thread a little incoherent.

I can sympathise with pain/nausea though. It's debillitating. Having someone negatively commenting on my eating habits whether I was ill or not would drive me up the walls though. I'd tell him to Fuck Off. I really would. But maybe it has crept up on you gradually and you've never noticed it happening and now it's too late to tell him to fuck off?

and yes, there have been alot of threads of competitive undereating, so I can see why the OP was worried.
But this is relationships. Have some compassion please

Should read *being underweight, not overweight. That bit was clear, that you're underweight.

@Shuddawuddacudda I think the OP means that the husband will keep going on and on if she attempts to eat a whole portion.

I mean is this really MN when OP is told off for attempting to be witty when addled on gin painkillers? Who are these posters who have been on here years and don't know a teeny tiny stealth boast?
OP you have been here ages so you know the drill LTB and toss his sourdough after him!

Hi OP - it’s a strange one. Have you directly asked your husband why he does this? I wonder if he heard this sort of language growing up and is replicating it. It would really annoy me too - you should be able to eat freely without any comments.

And if a thread just isn't to your liking because of the way that the OP has written her first post, could we please ask that you skip past it and go and find one that is? We have a lot of posters in desperate need of support, there really are plenty to go round.

Fucking brava HopeMumsnet.

@RishiMcRichface that’ll be me: on MN since 2012, never witnessed this teeny, tiny thing before. Mind you I’ve only ever been on Relationships and Sex, so that might be the reason.

[quote TiggerDatter]@RishiMcRichface that’ll be me: on MN since 2012, never witnessed this teeny, tiny thing before. Mind you I’ve only ever been on Relationships and Sex, so that might be the reason.[/quote]
Lol - no teeny/tiny things at all on the Sex board? Well that's a thumbs up for the British men then!

OP, I not quite sure I understand. Does he get cross if you only eat half a meal (because of your pain) and save the rest for later? Does he have a thing about food being thrown away, so for example if you can't finish the soup for a couple of days and it goes off?

He doesn't sound very nice and should be encouraging you to eat, not turning it into a possible conflict.

How are you today @MrsGRamsay? Have you managed to eat without his commenting ?

My last word on this subject. I am underweight because I am not well. I have seen various posts along the lines of posters being so teeny / tiny they can hardly muster the strength to drop a hankie for potential suitor to pick up. I wanted to highlight post was not a 'stealth boast' - some people on MN seem to think being thin is a huge achievement.

Now winding scrawny neck. . . . in.

@Shuddawuddacudda good one!

OP I hope you manage to find solutions to your pain problem, your weight problem and your DH problem. You have a lot on your plate (and yes, that's a joke, sorry).

We understand that you're underweight because you're not well. What is not clear however, is what exactly your DH is saying or doing. You haven't quite clarified whether he doesn't want you eating or whether he wants all the food for himself?

You do mention that he eats a lot of sourdough bread, but you also mention in your OP that he's naturally slim. This fact of the bread eating seems to irritate you. Why? If he's slim he obviously needs the calories? I'm just not sure what your rant is about (apart from that you don't want to be seen as teeny tiny or something).

Why is it so hard to understand that being in pain just might affect someone's appetite?
Sorry you are so unwell OP, I think you do have to get a bit more forceful with your dh and employ some kind of "Fuck off commenting on my food" policy.
( not a shit piece)

I have chronic pain and I'm fat as fuck as unable to do any calory burning exercise. Any tips gratefully received.

Just eat less.