Is this normal - new 'boyfriend'

[whoknew1]

Right. If you started dating someone and after around 1-2 months and them being in your house 4-5 times, they hadn't offered any help with cooking or cleaning, would that be normal, as you are the host and you are not a couple yet?
Also, please imagine a situation that you have a little issue with your car. You asked a friend for help but he cannot sort it out. It's hard to find a garage open or able to accommodate you at a short notice due to covid. So, as a result, you have no car to get to work until it's sorted and you find a garage. A man you have been dating knows about the situation, he expresses that 'yes, I know it's a pain' and you got to 'keep looking for a garage, that's all you can do'. He has 3 days off work now and hasn't offered any help or even looking at your car (despite being a lorry driver in the past, so I take he knows something about cars etc).
Is this normal?
Am I expevting too much thinking he should have offered help with cooking, cleaning and at least trying to look at the car? I haven't asked specifically for help as it's just embarrassing for me to do so, if he does not just want to help naturally, if that makes sense?

Jeez, just dump him!

I've dated men like him hence why they stayed only as dates. My husband on the other hand, came over to my car when I broke down when I went to meet a friend, stayed with me until the recovery turned up, lent me his car (he insisted that he didn't need it) and generally supported me. Helped me find a garage even though he wasn't experienced in garages as he had a brand new car, he phoned all his friends until he found one. I didn't marry him because he did these things but these led to a committed relationship. Op, this isn't normal and it just shows he's just not that into it. I've wasted so much time with guys like this and know the feeling. It takes upto 3 dates they say however, by the first date you should already know if he's into or not.

I don't think you can expect too much first 4-5 visits as they will feel uncomfortable to feel at home in your surroundings but not saying it should stay that way, don't be quick to offer to make them food, start telling them to make their own tea/breakfast when they feel like it, my bf of a year is now feeling comfortable to do this like this morning he got up before me and I wasn't hungry so he knew if he wanted food then he was to make it himself.
With the car I wouldn't expect a new boyfriend to help out, more out of pride that I'm a capable woman who can find a garage to get it sorted.

Why oh why are we pages (and threads in) still discussing essays of things you don't like about him. I think you just enjoy running him down to be honest and enjoy people piling in. Just dump him fgs! If this is 4 or 5 dates in and you're moaning paragraphs about him....

It sounds to me like he is a dud. I'd get rid.

He is not that invested in this and simply takes what you give without feeling he needs to impress you/give anything back.

He wants light hearted fun without obligations. Not someone who sounds like he is in it for the long term and you two don't seem compatible as you have very different expectations/standards. Get rid.

This guy has shown you who he really is, you’ve got the measure of him, so please pay heed.

All these unlikeable traits will become worse, they won’t disappear and get better.

You really need to end this relationship as you’re never going to get what you need.

The washing up dishes, I really wouldn't expect that of someone who had been over 4/5 times.

The car thing, I would maybe expect him to try and help me sort it by getting in touch with a garage etc.

Dating is supposed to be about you finding a man who fits your criteria. It does not sound that this man has

I have friends I've known for decades, who've been in my house hundreds of times but I don't expect them to help with cleaning. Nor do I expect them to fix my car. If they invite me to theirs for a meal , I expect them to cook it (I might take the pudding and a bottle of wine).

Oh OP,

Bin him.
He is a selfish waster.

You deserve so much better.

Anyone is not better than no one.

He's a lazy, inconsiderate ,selfish twat. Get rid. Before you know it you'll be living with him or married and cleaning up after him forever.

This 🌺

Why do you just assume he will wash up or put things in the bin?

He has probably breezed through life being a lazy, scruffy arsehole because no one told him or asked him to do things. Just huffed and puffed on MN instead.

If I cooked a meal for someone I would ask them directly, but nicely to wash up. I don't pick up wrappers or crap after anyone in my house. I just say 'put that in the bin please'.

@whoknew1

OK so why I showred after dinner and so on: We went for a day out in my car, to a town 1hr away, which we both like and to an expensive pub which he likes and he insistet going to. I haven't been there so I didn't mind. We were to have lunch only but ended up having full meal, him with dessert and lots of alcohol. We paid each for what we ordered and I thought at least we will not have to rush back for dinner or can have just a light meal in thr eve. But by the time we were back, around 6pm, he was already 'starving' and kept going on about what we eat for dinner. So I cooked dinner first and then went to shower later as it rained a lot and we went for a long walk, so I needed to freshen up. Tbf I felt stuffed after eating this 1st 'lunch' and then a bit of the dinner I cooked, he is always hungry. Next morning he was going on about breakfast, I was not even hungry yet but said OK let's make breakfast then/should we start making breakfast. Again, he said yes and just sat there and waited. When I was dressing I asked: are we gonna have a cup of tea or coffee first? He said yeah and again, no tiniest move from the sofa. I was fully dressed and ready for the day, he came downstairs in his pants, left bed a mess, hasn't brushed his teeth. Only got dressed while I was cooking full English, and he hasn't even asked if to help lay the table or so. Yes, I could have asked for help. But I just wanted to see his natural behaviour which I saw and this is very off putting for me. I would have always asked, as a guest, if someone needs a hand or at least left the bed I slept in tidy.

Jeeeeesus Cheeky git isn't he. I've got a lovely image of him in my head. Wayne Slob springs to mind. He's a lazy selfish stingy git and a crap shag to boot. Move on lady. You're better that that

All right.
I ended it today.
This time he accepted it without trying to change my mind.
I deleted his number.
Feeling tired and sad but there is a sense of relief above it all.
Moving on and definitely not trying to 'date' for at least a couple of months.
Thanks for everybody's comments.

Well done! No regrets.

Good on you OP 🌺

Well done op I am so glad to see this update . I know it's going to be really hard but you will find and deserve a hell of a lot better than this man . He on the other end well , this will be his life forever no doubt ! X

Whoop whoop stay strong 💪

I'd expect him to do basics yes

Well done.

You are setting up the standard for what you expect. He has been fed watered and breakfasted whilst he watches you do it. You ask him for help with wash up and tidy up and if he hasnt a clue about a car or knows a pal who can fix cars he is not an addition to your life. He is somebody you have to "look after" whether you are in a relationship or not with him.

That’s a red flag. He is lazy

OP ended it already 🌺

Good move OP.

Onwards and upwards!