first date regret

[lugzy083]

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

I think if you chase the wrong men it creates a power imbalance . If they have hardly any interest they may sit back and let you chase them . The right ones you won’t have to chase and if they are decent but not interested they will be up front about it .

I'm petty and a bitch and I would reply "your not getting your £15 back, you ignorant shit" and then block him

@WithLotsOfSprinkles0

I'm petty and a bitch and I would reply "your not getting your £15 back, you ignorant shit" and then block him

😄

@WithLotsOfSprinkles0

I'm petty and a bitch and I would reply "your not getting your £15 back, you ignorant shit" and then block him

Me

@WithLotsOfSprinkles0

I'm petty and a bitch and I would reply "your not getting your £15 back, you ignorant shit" and then block him

PMSL 🤣😂

Delete his number. He’s not interested.

Jesus he said he was knackered. Stop looking at the times he's been on and analysing why he hasn't replied. This is the problem with texting etc, if you don't get an immediate response you get idiotic advice telling you he isn't interested. No one here can possibly know that!

Ah OP! Back when I was in the dating game this happened to me twice, except I'd left it until the 5th date with both. Both were going really promising before hand and it left me with shitty self esteem! I assumed i must be a really shit Shag 😂 my advice is delete his thread on WhatsApp, delete his number, and this will help you move on. Like you've taken control of the situation and put it to rest. I met my now OH the day after the last one stopped replying and it was so easy with him, no guessing, no games just straightforward. Hold out it'll happen. And if you continue meeting him now it's kind of soured a bit and sparked an insecurity within you that would be difficult to shake so best to cut your losses! Sorry I know its mental torture the dating game at times!

This is the problem with texting etc, if you don't get an immediate response you get idiotic advice telling you he isn't interested. No one here can possibly know that!

@BuffayTheVampireLayer I'll be interested to see what the update is, if we're fortunate enough to get one. People who are busy usuallu make an effort to actually be responsive when they get a spare minute to themselves rather than ignoring / dry responses

Unfortunately it sounds like he's let you down gently. I don't know many nice boys who suggest £30 hotel rooms on a first day.

I wouldn't message him again until he sends you something promising.

Read the book ‘why men love bitches’. Biblical!

If he's the type to lose interest after he gets what he wants (and it does look to be the case, sorry) then it wound have happened whether you had sexual on date 1 or 5. At least you know now and haven't wasted any more time on him/got more attached. A couple of vague messages then ghosting is pretty much the norm these days sadly. At least you had a good time.

I think you just need to take a step back and enjoy it for what it was, don't overthink it or overanalyse, you had a good time together-you stayed overnight together (I actually think that is more intimate in some ways than the sex) and he has text you saying he is knackered. He hasn't been dismissive, he hasn't ghosted you. See what the next couple of days bring, if he doesn't get in touch then I would say its probably done, but a bit early to draw that conclusion yet. Also, I see no problem with sex on the first date if both want to. Its nothing to be ashamed of or something to hold back.If someone only wants sex, that will be true on 1st date, 5th date, 100th date. Sexual compatability is important. Married for 14 years now so it turned out OK

If it was me I'd be aloof- men usually come running if they don't see you being clingy lol 😆

If it’s just the chase he likes then you have saved yourself the next five or whatever dates building him up in your head before he finally ghosted you after sex.

Have sex when you feel ok about it if you have a willing partner. Enjoy the sex for what it is. Don’t agree to it if it doesn’t feel right. You are an adult with agency and shame shouldn’t come into it, just what feels right for you.

Ultimately he is interested or not in a long term relationship beyond the first sex, whether that’s after one date or five.

Chalk it up but for goodness sake, don’t feel bad about it. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. So he may not be the one - so what? You haven’t wasted time with him assuming you’re looking for a long term thing, and not have you fallen in love and had your heart broken.

Read these books

The Rules (particularly this one)
Why Men Love Bitches
He's just not that into you.

People here will say they are mysogynistic, old fashioned rubbish.

I say you won't end up in this situation again. Honestly if he was interested he would have suggested dinner, he wouldn't have been too busy in work to reply, he would have jumped on your suggestion to meet up. You don't need to second guess men, they make it clear.

If he's been online and hasn't opened your messages take it as an indication he isn't that keen on chasing you. If a man is interested in you he will GENERALLY make it clear by his actions of contacting you and making future plans.... if he's interested you would need to question if he is.... sorry to say. Its hard especially when you're interested and they aren't....

Also ...probably a reasonable chance its another woman/women he's chatting with on whatsapp if he's regularly on there....if he's on there that much he'd send you if he wanted to. He might not tell you a straight out not interested because he's keeping you for when he's having a lull and wants drinks/dinner and a bit of bumping uglies

Op, how are you this morning. I’m guessing he didn’t text? Although I hope he did.

I think if not you are safe to assume the meal is not happening and it’s done. Try to put it behind you and think of it as a bit of fun.

We all know this happens, especially in online dating and there is thread after thread on here about men ghosting after sex.

I think it’s so common that women should be prepared for it to happen and if it wouldn’t bother them and they want to go for it anyway, fine. If it would give them angst, then plan not to have sex and protect themselves from hurt.

Yeah I've woken up to nothing from him, even though I know he gets up really early for work and he used to text in the morning feeling pretty deflated about it all but hey, at least I know now

I know it's the usual conclusion on MN, but are you sure he's single? When you said he went quiet after sex smacks of guilt.

Just put it behind you op. He’s much more of a player and much less sweet than you’d given him credit for.

Think of it as a bit of fun and that was it. He should have had the balls to tell you but he didn’t, he’s not worth your energy.

Sorry to hear, OP.
My advice would be to definitely not message him again. Delete his details. As PP have said, put this down to experience.

Gutted for you OP, we all know how it feels, don't despair,
If he does text please let us know, I'm weirdly invested in your love life now 😉

Rightly or wrongly, 'most' guys aren't interested in a serious relationship with someone who is willing to sleep with them on 1st date...

Do a survey, which Sandy (from movie Grease) guys prefer, 9/10 will say pre-makeover.