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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

first date regret

570 replies

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 14:59

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

OP posts:
Pokerfaced · 02/11/2020 21:52

Also, @Bluntness100 looks like a smaller Minnie Driver.

FrappuccinoFan · 02/11/2020 21:52

I’m the same age as you and personally don’t think he’s that into you, as he would have found the time to reply if he couldn’t get enough of you. He would have kept the same energy he had through texts before you saw him.

CanThisBeOverSoon · 02/11/2020 21:53

@GondolaBing

You need to step back OP.

YOU are the prize. He should be pursuing YOU. And if doesn’t then he does not deserve you.

Exactly this 👆🏻

FrappuccinoFan · 02/11/2020 21:53

But having said that, it is a bit of a weird time with lockdown 2 looming, so perhaps keep the door slightly open here

QWeRTY12340 · 02/11/2020 21:54

I’ve just been through the same OP but after 4 dates- reading everyones replies has helped me also! Just shows if someone is after sex it wouldn’t change the outcome you waiting or not as it didn’t with me.

Also love that quote about if its love it wont hurt as that is true you don’t want to feel this stressed and upset so early on with anyone. Plenty more fish 💐

Belleblush · 02/11/2020 21:57

Oh this is disappointing. I hope he messages you for another date. If not, brush yourself down and forget him x

jrb123 · 02/11/2020 21:58
Flowers
Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 21:59

@Pokerfaced

Also, *@Bluntness100* looks like a smaller Minnie Driver.
Her hair is curlier ans she’s way prettier, and I’m not smaller, I’m five eight, but yes, similar I guess. You win.😃
MLMbotsgoaway · 02/11/2020 22:00

@Onadifferentuniverse your username is apt.Grin

Zucker · 02/11/2020 22:02

He called off your actual lunch date and fit you in for a walk/drink, which handily enough led to a hotel. I think you've been led up the garden path here. Please for your own self esteem don't chase this "nice guy".

arethereanyleftatall · 02/11/2020 22:04

Ah, all this speculation. Thing is, we don't know. None of us do. He's either
A) not in to you
B) tired
C) busy
D) playing games.
Who knows. All we do know is - it's not your turn to text. So, leave it now.

orangetop2 · 02/11/2020 22:05

@Zucker

He called off your actual lunch date and fit you in for a walk/drink, which handily enough led to a hotel. I think you've been led up the garden path here. Please for your own self esteem don't chase this "nice guy".
After reading op last bit I had the exact same thoughts as this
JocelynSchitt · 02/11/2020 22:06

You need to step away from the phone.

Annamaywong25 · 02/11/2020 22:11

My guess is you will hear from him again......when he next wants sex. Hmm

BlueThistles · 02/11/2020 22:18

Oh no.. this is too cruel OP.. I hope you hear from him too Flowers

if you don't he's behaved badly .. he was the one who wanted the night to ...continue Hmm

Stay Happy OP.. Smile

Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 22:20

he was the one who wanted the night to ...continue

They both wanted thr night to continue. She’s an adult and she made a consensual decision. She did nothing wrong.

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 22:23

Looks likely I won't be getting any message tonight. I just think it's not very hard to send a text saying he's not interested in meeting up again. This whole not replying thing is just awful and makes me feel so rubbish after such a nice evening Sad

OP posts:
Halliehallie9828 · 02/11/2020 22:24

Sounds like you had a good night either way.

Iv had sex on a first date... I always look at it like this. If they don’t message then it doesn’t matter as in the moment I had a good time and enjoyed myself. No regrets.

I hope he messages but if he was that tired then maybe he’s not feeling chatting .... I think he will reply by 10.30am tomorrow Grin

Civilhelp · 02/11/2020 22:25

If he doesn’t reply he is a douche but at least you know . If he does then go from there .

Zolaanna · 02/11/2020 22:26

He's rude! You don't want someone who is rude and can't prioritize you for a 5 min message

BlueThistles · 02/11/2020 22:26

he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel.

OP agreed.. it doesn't stop the original idea being HIS ... Hmm

They both wanted thr night to continue. She’s an adult and she made a consensual decision. She did nothing wrong

and NOBODY suggested she did anything wrong jeeeees Confused

He's potentially behaving badly by now ghosting OP... we don't know yet..

MLMbotsgoaway · 02/11/2020 22:29

Think of it like this. We are about to go into a month long lockdown - so if you hadn’t met up tbis all probably would have gone on to-OMG and froing throughout. Better to know now if it’s not (and better to have had sex than not - as it might be a while).

Dawnlassie · 02/11/2020 22:31

Seriously some of you lot are head cases. Give him a little time to reply, perhaps he doesnt want to come over too keen. Its as if you are all keep to bin off any man that doesnt reply to a whatsapp after 17 nano seconds. Men are not as addicted to their phones as women are.

OhioOhioOhio · 02/11/2020 22:31

Yeah, sorry op, he's telling you everything you need to know. You are not the priority you hoped you were. Onwards and upwards.

2020wish · 02/11/2020 22:31

Ah this happened to me before. Few lovely dates, seemed really into me. Slept with him and he left next morning similar to urself and messaged soon afterwards about how he had a lovely time but then nothing that night after a few genetic dry messages that day about work. After two days I called him out on it asking was he still interested in another date etc as I’d rather just know. And he replied something along the lines off oh I’m
A lovely girl but maybe we should keep slow down/ text others. lol i didn’t reply after that and moved on. But best believe he messaged him a few weeks later on a sat night asking to meet up. It was clear he thought Of me as easy sex.

I would take it as a lesson learned and walk away with ur head held high x