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Original poster

first date regret

570 replies

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 14:59

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 03/11/2020 22:41

You did nothing wrong. Just remember it as a fun evening and sexy night!

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 03/11/2020 22:43

I wouldn’t reply and I doubt you’ll hear from him again if he’s unfollowed you on everything. At least he’s let you know where you stand now so you can move on.

KnittingNurse · 03/11/2020 22:47

What a complete dick. Hope it doesn’t make you feel too down, you didn’t do anything wrong.

TwentyViginti · 03/11/2020 22:49

You did nothing wrong. Just remember it as a fun evening and sexy night!

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 03/11/2020 22:50

I wouldn’t reply OP and I doubt you’ll hear from him again if he’s unfollowed you on everything. At least you know where you stand now and you can move on.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 03/11/2020 22:57

Who's this?
And block..

Fr0thandBubble · 03/11/2020 22:58

OP please listen because this is really important. You didn’t “do” anything to turn him from a man who really liked you to a man who didn’t. He was pretending all along. He was only ever interested in chancing his arm at a one-off hook-up, and the talk about taking you for dinner and the nice-guy act was just that - an act. He knew he had to act like that to get you into bed - he knew if he had said to you “I don’t ever see us being together long-term to be honest” BEFORE he had suggested the hotel, you would have told him where to go.

Don’t let this arsehole of a man make you start thinking there is something wrong with you - there isn’t.

Just go into things a bit more sceptical next time - there are too many shitty men getting away with stunts like this and it makes my blood boil.

copperoliver · 03/11/2020 22:58

If you want to Reply say I don't want to be with you long term either love you were someone to past the time with until someone Better came along. Bye. X

Fr0thandBubble · 03/11/2020 22:58

And DO NOT REPLY!!

MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 23:00

Well, the good news is that - since he revealed himself to be a self-serving dick - you also don't see yourself with him in the long term.

He is very smug op, he doesn't need anyone to love him as he has himself.

MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 23:04

I would block him as others have suggested. He seems to be enjoying pretending to benevolently let you down, as though he's such a catch.

You had some good sex, with men like him, you really have had the best of him. The rest of him sounds crap and he could never make you happy.

PatchworkElmer · 03/11/2020 23:04

What an arsehole! Don’t reply to him. Ever.

yvanka · 03/11/2020 23:08

Honestly, if you never reply to any of his texts he will think about you a lot. "Wow I overestimated how much she liked me... Maybe I am interested?" kind of thing. It's pathetic but true.

yvanka · 03/11/2020 23:09

There is literally nothing you could send him that would be as powerful as silence.

BlueThistles · 03/11/2020 23:11

what a horrible little arse -hole... Angry

OP you are worth ten of this bleating little cretin..

Good attitude you have... onwards and upwards lovely Flowers

CremantCharlie · 03/11/2020 23:12

He never wanted a relationship, he wanted a shag. You did nothing wrong, you were taken in. Learn from it, by all means have a one night stand if you want to, but lower your expectations on what that leads to. It might be a relationship, it might just be v.casual. It is still a man's world, I am afraid. Not sure why they don't use hook up sites, would save wasting people's time and feelings. I am surprised he even bothered sending that final text.

MerryGrinchmas1 · 03/11/2020 23:14

I'd be a bitch and say "Same here, I've got Chlamydia. You need to go and get tested" 🤣🤣

Groovinpeanut · 03/11/2020 23:15

OP he's shown his true self now, he's a player. All the shy, gentle act is no longer needed in his eyes.
Just treat him and his ego with along with his crappy messages with the contempt they deserve and delete and block.
You did nothing wrong, he's an idiot. Just delete his details and block him.

Lex345 · 03/11/2020 23:21

If you are going to reply, "lol" . And never another word.
What a dick. You are well rid OP

Osirus · 03/11/2020 23:32

@lugzy083

He didn’t even apologise, just said ‘I don’t see myself ever being with you long term if I’m completely honest’
An ex said this to me once.

He came back a few years later and we got back together, now married with a child!

Funnily enough, that first time around I did all the chasing, phone calls etc. Felt he was a bit “hard to get”.

Second time, I didn’t chase, call or message first ONCE.

What I’m trying to say is that there was such a difference in how he treated me that I KNEW he liked me. I never had to guess.

You just know.

Bunkbedpeople · 03/11/2020 23:34

I agree with pps he’s just a very weird, manipulative and cynical person.

It’s interesting you mentioned he didn’t come across that way

I’ve found with online dating a lot of “nice guy” types seem to want to reinvent themselves as cool player types and use it as an ego boost to make them feel like they are mans men who have their pick of women.

They seem to think acting like a rude arsehole is going to turn them into some “alpha Male” type with total control Hmm

You’ve got exactly the right attitude, just move forward with the rest of your life as well as meeting other dates.

I wouldn’t invest too much energy in having the last word with this one (though I agree he’ll probably come back sniffing for a hookup with a “fishing” message at some point. But by then I expect you’ll have another couple dates or something else to keep you occupied).

dazzlinghaze · 03/11/2020 23:37

Ugh, he sounds so gross. The cheek of him talking about "long term" as if it's a given that you could see him as a long term prospect. So arrogant.

Civilhelp · 03/11/2020 23:38

I don’t think he ever saw you as long term , he doesn’t want long term . I think he has a gf or some one on the go personally. Most guys who don’t would just ask you back to theirs or ask to come to yours .How would he know if it is long term after one meet . I’m glad he has said this though as now he is gone ( for good I hope , please block him ).

I had a guy who didn’t want long term and he did keep texting asking for sex. He’s stopped now though thank god .

Regularsizedrudy · 03/11/2020 23:49

Uh men never fail to disappoint. You didn’t do anything wrong or anything to “turn him off” you. He’s just a dickhead. He was always going to do this no matter what you did or who you were. You’re worth a million of him op!

changingnamesandkeepingsane · 03/11/2020 23:49

I'm sorry. What a snivelling little bollocks. I suspect he didn't like the fact you had gone cold, seems too convenient that he followed up an unanswered message with another message giving you your cards.

As a previous poster said, this has fuck all to do with the sex. He was always a shit.

Onwards to better men (he's set the bar spectacularly low, so an upgrade shouldn't be hard).