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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

first date regret

570 replies

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 14:59

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

OP posts:
Zolaanna · 03/11/2020 19:16

Omg he's such a dick. He could have clawed back a little bit of dignity by at least letting you know he's not interested in pursuing anything.
He hasn't even got enough maturity to be adult and be straight with you.
He sounds like a kid.
So rude.
I'm fuming for you.

Yeah ignore him. I would delete all messages and his number so you're not tempted to tell him he's a nob

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2020 19:21

I also think keep control here, keep him guessing, don’t respond op. He’s sitting there thinking you’re desperate for him and he needs to fob you off, show him you’re not, and keep your dignity, take back some control snd just don’t respond. No matter how hard it is

He will be expecting you to respond. Even a thumbs up gives him the power to ignore you.

So just don’t respond. Ignore it, leave it on read. And don’t respond at all ever.

heartshapedfaces · 03/11/2020 19:23

reply ‘who’s this?’. no don’t really, just ignore

MLMbotsgoaway · 03/11/2020 19:25

Aw sorry you feel crap OP. But see it as a narrow escape and also a learning experience. What can you learn from this date?

CremantCharlie · 03/11/2020 19:28

Please do not contact him again. Particularly if you have drunk alcohol.

Suzyseis · 03/11/2020 19:43

Honestly, delete his number so you don’t get tempted to reply. You sound lovely. He’s a dick.

icelollycraving · 03/11/2020 19:47

I suspect the reason for a hotel is because he isn’t actually single. Twat.
Delete. Block,

RainbowParadise · 03/11/2020 19:48

Ah OP 💐 tinder veteran here, best advice is keep your expectations on the floor 😂 I've had loads of shitty behaviour off of men on there. My rule for myself now is do what I want if I think I'm going to enjoy it and won't be bothered if it doesn't go further. Or at least keep it to damage limitation and not get too disappointed. If someone doesn't reply to a message, 9 times out of time I leave it. Might occasionally send one more text although tbh these days I really don't bother.

Dating is hard work. I admit that I've become so used to being ghosted, I probably do it a bit myself now. I'm just desensitised to all the crap behaviour and think everyone just expects it!

SweetCruciferous · 03/11/2020 19:49

@MrsTerryPratchett

This is a perfect time for a 👍🏽

You replied, but with the contempt it deserves.

Ooh @MrsTerryPratchett you cold Halloween Grin
Onadifferentuniverse · 03/11/2020 19:50

You’re not being honest either tho op?

These games are never a great start to any romance.
Honesty and openness are so important!

Onadifferentuniverse · 03/11/2020 19:51

Just reply with what you’ve noticed and end it there?

DontCryForMeNextdoorNeighbour · 03/11/2020 19:52

Block and delete. Men like this are life lessons.

DontCryForMeNextdoorNeighbour · 03/11/2020 19:54

👍
@MrsTerryPratchett I like your style!!!

TeachesOfPeaches · 03/11/2020 19:57

We're just about to go into a national lockdown and he is too 'tired' to go out in the evening this week. More like he is squeezing in as many Tinder shags as he can Angry

GondolaBing · 03/11/2020 19:57

I would reply in a way to that gives you back control of your own life and self esteem.

Something like “no worries. Have a great lockdown. Until we chat again x”

This will put you back in the driving seat

SunshineCake · 03/11/2020 20:01

@GondolaBing

I would reply in a way to that gives you back control of your own life and self esteem.

Something like “no worries. Have a great lockdown. Until we chat again x”

This will put you back in the driving seat

It really doesn't.

Until we chat again Hmm.

GondolaBing · 03/11/2020 20:02

She doesn’t have to chat again. That’s the point.

Zucker · 03/11/2020 20:04

Silence is the best option here. They can't stand being ignored Wink

MrsBobDylan · 03/11/2020 20:10

Ah sorry op, dating is a roller coaster.

Fwiw I had plenty of cheap, seedy one night stands and while I don't look back with fondness, my only real regrets are for the times I 'hung on' wondering if someone was interested.

I wouldn't bother replying, he thinks he's a right catch and you are someone to be 'managed' as he is so irresistible.

Also, anyone who complains about tiredness after doing a day in the office is an attention-seeking wanker. I did lots of office days after no sleep (all nighters when I was young/babies who wouldn't sleep when I was older) and I never once complained about tiredness. Who the fuck cares?

Consider him binned!

chemicalworld · 03/11/2020 20:11

another vote for silence. I did once let rip at someone who did this to me, because I genuinely thought he was a good guy. Sadly you cannot trust what they say on the date. To protect myself I would not sleep with someone till I felt a real connection or if I knew I was in a place where I could leave it behind without feeling shit about it.

Take back the control for yourself.

RainbowParadise · 03/11/2020 20:13

Hmm I don't know.... sometimes I worry ignoring them makes them think you're upset and I don't like that 😂

I recently got in touch on FB with a guy I went to school with. We went on a date years ago and ended up snogging a few times, lots of flirting and stuff. We're early/mid 30s now. He was getting quite flirty on messenger and said about going for a drink, I agreed. Then the day before he sent a really brief message to cancel but said we'd rearrange. Like fuck, knew straight away he was taking the piss. I just sent a brief friendly reply along the lines of 'No worries, of course another time 😉'. I was a bit pissed off but hardly that arsed- I just didn't want him thinking I was upset by him! No way would I message again and if he messages me, I'm going to reply and be friendly but very brief and if he says about meeting I'll be too busy 😂

Groovinpeanut · 03/11/2020 20:31

Tired after work this week?
It's only TuesdayConfused
OP just delete this fool, he's a total idiot.
He's not worthy of your time or interest. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

FrappuccinoFan · 03/11/2020 20:38

I would do something like ignore him and change my WhatsApp display pic/post on social media so he’s aware he’s being ignored,

FrappuccinoFan · 03/11/2020 20:38

I would do something like ignore him and change my WhatsApp display pic/post on social media so he’s aware he’s being ignored,

Littlepaws18 · 03/11/2020 20:43

I absolutely feel for you! What an utter arse he is! If he didn't like you he shouldn't have suggested sleeping with you. And you are right his last message is crap. He would move heaven and earth to see you if he wanted to be with you. Apathy is so cruel. But at least you know now. If he makes anymore half arsed attempts at contact ignore it, you are worth so much more. X