Breadcrumbing?

[notsurewhattodo22]

I'm feeling really down...I posted a while ago but it's no better.

I split with my ex ( if you can call it that) about a month ago. There was no real finality, we had a bit of a tiff and he said he couldn't give me what I want / need..and he wasn't prepared to.

Since then I've not seen him but he's kept in touch by text. There has been no mention about me and him...just boring stuff really. I initially tried to make it up but he said he wasn't sure and since then he's not mentioned 'us'.

It's doing my head in as I can't move on as I'm reminded everytime he texts. I also can't bring myself to ignore or block him as I still love him and there's that tiny bit of hope. I know he doesn't feel the same and he has no idea how sad I am about it. I don't want to humiliate myself going over it again.

He says he's very depressed at the moment so that keeps me there as I don't want to be nasty to him. He's been pretty bad to me though.

I feel like he's breadcrumbing me but I'm not sure....he could just be depressed and want a friend.

The lack of an ending though and then intermittent texts asking how I am is making me very confused.

I want to stand up for myself
...
he's not treated me very nicely

If he doesn't treat you well, then the way to stand up for yourself is just to never respond to him ever again.

Nothing nada nowt

Simple. Not easy, but really very simple.

Ffs. Op. Have you STILL not blocked him?

What are you gaining from all if this?

I am brilliant at standing up for myself.

I don't think I have ever told someone the way they speak to me is unacceptable, except for children of course squints at teenagers

I have said "I'm leaving" then left.

I have hung up on people mid-sentence.

I have walked away from people wordlessly.

Bullyboys gonna bully. Really fucking hard to bully someone who is somewhere else doing something else with someone else.

Bullies do not believe themselves to be in the wrong and their victim whining (as it sounds to them) does not change their mind. Ever.

You are rating words over actions. Bullies suffer by your actions. Show him you find it unacceptable. Show it by fucking off away from him. Not by chasing after him begging him to please please please listen.

This sounds more like an obsession with him and it's very unhealthy. From everything you've said, even when you were in a relationship with him...it's clear it wasn't balanced.

It wasn't a relationship with equality and respect and as always The person who cares least in a relationship holds the most power

If you really want to hit him where it hurts block him. No confrontation (they love this!! This is their fuel!). He is playing a really nasty game with you and in my bitter experience you will not win. You may think you want a final confrontation but believe me, it will end badly. He may even try and lure you back in only to dump you again at a later date. This cycle can go on for years. For your own sanity, block him now.

@CandyLeBonBon

Ffs. Op. Have you STILL not blocked him?

What are you gaining from all if this?

I feel the same. Good luck OP!

I reckon attitudes like this come from too much American teen TV: snappy comebacks, rudeness to each other, bullies changing when the nice girl shows them the way, girls as accessories to men. That's not real life. That's not how you deal successfully with mean people. How you deal with them is by removing yourself from the drama. That makes for crap tellybox so they make up nonsense instead.

Real life is women doing their local equivalent of saying "get tae fuck" or "aye right you are" maybe with an eyebrow raise and then fucking off. Maybe later saying to Maureen other hard as nails local friends exist to say "You would not believe the gobshite I met earlier."

I mean I want to stand up for myself and tell him how he spoke to me was unacceptable....he's not treated me very nicely and has never acknowledged that.

There's something you're not getting OP. He doesn't care! You can't get him to feel bad when he doesn't think he has done anything wrong.

You are so angry. I wonder if you're directing your anger at him when you are, in large part, angry at yourself for allowing yourself to be treated so shoddily.

Op you are addicted to the drama. You’re spending every minute thinking how you’re going to put him in his place, make him realise how horrible he’s been to you... yada yada. It ain’t gonna happen cos he doesn’t give a stuff.

You are fuelling this crap by keeping in contact with him. Just stop the contact with him whether you block or not, it really doesn’t matter, just STOP the contact.

You don’t love him, you’re just addicted to his treatment of you which is very unhealthy. Most people would have got bored by now but here you are again and again going on about the same old bollocks and doing nothing about it.

My post is not meant to be nasty but you need shocking out of the ridiculous situation you are in which you are fuelling by staying in contact. You can take control but you are choosing not to.

You’re still posting about him but have done nothing to put an end to it. I’m going to be blunt but he really really doesn’t care about you. The fact that he keeps texting doesn’t mean he cares. As I’ve said several times already he is enjoying messing with your head, he is drawing fuel from these arguments.

I can’t stress strongly enough, value your mental health and dignity and block him and then join the 30 days no contact thread for support!!!
You haven’t actually taken any action despite loads of advice.

I blocked him

Told him I didn't want to keep in touch anymore and blocked him.

We got into a to do again.

This is hard.

He replied before I did saying he agrees

From here you can't realistically think this will ever be a wonderful relationship where two people support and love each other, have each others backs and will make the effort to keep things fresh.... that is not the trajectory here. Assuming deep down you know that but are not wanting to face it, we can probably agree that you are just prolonging the agony by not letting go.
Release your grip on the hopes that he will come round, fall madly back in love and you'll skip into the sunset. It will be painful, that finality, but much less so in the long run.
Be strong. You can do it

Well done on blocking him. That's a big step.

Don't unblock him ever. It may take months to get him out of your head.

Finally. You have taken the power back. You have taken back your self respect. Good on you! Allow yourself to enjoy that aspect at least.

OP, I'm going through something very similar and blocked mine today too. Well done. I've been following your thread and trust me when I say I know exactly how you feel. I asked him to return my block so that even if I unblock, I can't contact him.
Feel like absolute crap. Hope you feel better soon

Well done, it’s a huge step. Focus on looking after yourself now, give yourself something to look forward to every day. It will take time to get over and I remember being told that healing isn’t linear, there will be good days and bad but don’t give in.

Promise yourself you will keep him blocked for 30 days. There is usually a support thread for that running on MN. You will not be alone.

Oh my 😪😪😪😪

We got into a to do about the other night.

He said I'm always blameless, I change things to suit me etc. Basically what he does.

He has never apologised once.

I went a bit mental at him which of course is me being 'crazy'. It's a year's worth of frustration though.

Then he nicely said yeah that's fine I will remove you....like I meant nothing.

I am completely addicted to something. He's made me doubt my own sanity and if I am in fact crazy. He's always so calm and logical.

Regardless of that I was in love with him. I can't stop crying....have been here before many times. He doesn't care

This is horrendous.

I need another contact thread but can't find.

Why did I keep going back....it is like self harming.

I can't believe I did it. It's always been one sided. He just doesn't care.... he patronizes me though, makes me doubt myself. Maybe I am as bad as he says.

@notsurewhattodo22 "Why did I keep going back....it is like self harming."

• Yes it is. I'm in the same situation with a narcissist. Just remember not to take any of it personally (the big problem for me) a decent person would not treat you in such a way, there is something wrong with him, he has very low self esteem among other issues.

I am going to go no contact for 30 days but my advice is to use that as a starting point, he should be blocked out of your life forever.

I can't see the NC thread either. How odd. Start one yourself? Others will definitely join you.

Recognising it as a harmful addiction is a huge step in the right direction.