Prostitute confession

[Whatdoido12]

Please help. I’ve changed my username as I’m so mortified.

My boyfriend of 7 years yesterday, completely out the blue, told me that about 8 weeks ago he had sex with a prostitute. He was driving and looked really ill. I asked him if he was ok and he just pulled over and told me, said the guilt was killing him.

What he says happened:
It was his friends birthday early September, they went out as a group of guys and went back to the friends house for an after party (what’s Covid, eh?). They were drinking heavily and also used ketamine and Coke. One of his friends called a prostitute - the friend had sex with the prostitute and then my boyfriend did. He said it was the worst thing he’s ever done, regretted it immediately and hates himself. He got an STI check and it came back clean. I’ve ordered a self test kit online anyway.

We had just this month started trying for a baby. We had sex on Wednesday in my “peak fertility” phase, I took the morning after pill yesterday as soon as I got home but I’m aware it might not work.

I made him sleep downstairs last night. I can hear him sobbing downstairs. He is about as contrite as a person can be currently.

My best friend’s grandad passed away yesterday morning so I don’t feel like I can talk to her about this. I feel so conflicted. I love him so much, he treats me better than I have ever been treated (apart from this, obviously) and we have been so happy for 7 years. We bought a house last year and have a dog and this has blindsided me.

I remember the morning after this happened - he came home quite sheepishly and REALLY hungover, was vomiting all day, I gave him a bollocking for staying at his mates house and taking loads of drugs, but that was that. He was very quiet and wanted lots of cuddling etc but I just naively assumed it was cause he was hungover/sorry for staying out when he shouldn’t of been.

And now I’m sitting here. I just don’t know what to do.

[chocoholicc]

Nah I'd of made him sleep on the doorstep. LTB

[Techway]

@Elle10x0, good relationships are not messy. Your bar must be low if you think its worth staying with a man like this, just because they have a house together.

Men, women and children have been legally & illegally abused over centuries and it only by good people standing up and refusing to take part in does it end.

There is something on his thinking that allowed him to think this was ok. That is the crux of this, it is his beliefs abput drugs and women that lead to this behaviour. You don't change your beliefs quickly which is why most people don't change.

[Legooo]

Op just to say...this is how he is before all the boredom and relentless drudgery if early childhood.

You really don’t want to be forever tied to a man that could treat any woman as a wank aid and fuck her straight after his mate has. No matter how drunk or drugged in he is.

Give your future dc a chance and choose a better father for them.

To add to that. He may feel awful and guilty now, but if you disrespect yourself enough to forgive this...he may find it a lot easier the next time he ‘messes up’.

[ChristopherLillicrap]

I asked him if he was ok and he just pulled over and told me, said the guilt was killing him.

So even his confession was about making himself feel better.

He was very quiet and wanted lots of cuddling etc

And then he expects you to be making him feel better.

I can hear him sobbing downstairs.

Remind me again who the wronged party is here? And deliberately crying loudly enough so that you'll hear him and take pity on him?

Nah.

[HIVpos]

[quote Ce7913]@Whatdoido12

"...He got an STI check and it came back clean. I’ve ordered a self test kit online anyway..."

I'm sorry to say that he is absolutely not guaranteed negative for HIV for a good couple of months yet.

A detectable antibody response to HIV antigens can commonly take three months to appear in your blood, and, more rarely six months.

Hence the 3 and 6 month follow-up tests.

As any doctor would have already informed him at his initial test had he apprised them of the circumstances that brought him in to be tested.

I am so angry for you, OP. He is fucking despicable. Funny how his sad little boy tears didn't stop him from purchasing and degrading a vulnerable woman to climax, cheating on you, or exposing you and your potential progeny to all manner of diseases.[/quote]
@Ce7913. 95% of HIV infections can be picked up after 1 month and 99.9% after 3 months. If the result is negative at this point then there is no need to test after this.

[Ce7913]

@HIVpos

Thank you for adding to and correcting my response with public health guidelines.

My point stands, however.

Firstly, because this waste of skin had unprotected sex with OP on Wednesday 28th October - not even 8 weeks after potential exposure.

Secondly, because the six month test is recommended before TTC.

...I personally don't think anyone would choose not to have the certainty of the six month test if it were available to them.

As someone with an AI disorder, there's no way I wouldn't, particularly if I were wanting to conceive.

[JurassicParkaha]

The occasional drug use, depending on your social circles and city, I can understand. Only if it is indeed occasional - and he is someone who knows his limits. I have plenty of friends (men and women) who do them at big raves/festivals, but they don't resort to deviant behaviour on them. Drugs are not an excuse for bad behaviour. Though, if you're trying for a baby it really is time for him to give up that hedonistic lifestyle. And if he knows you do not condone drug use, then he definitely shouldn't be doing it.

However, cheating with a prostitute is a reason to leave, and never look back. Not only is it cheating, it shows a lack of self control, and you don't want to worry that every time he goes out with the 'lads', he's going to slip up and do something terrible. No way to live. It's sleazy, and during covid times, and altogether shows he's not ready to be a partner much less a father.

[AskMeOnce]

Why are you trying for a baby with a drug user? Please raise your standards.

[Oatbaroatbar]

This is disgusting.
Having sex with a prostitute, sloppy seconds, needing cuddles from you and sobbing loud enough for you to hear. Please leave him, he’s vile.

[NutellaAdoresMe]

For anyone that can stomach it take a look at a website called "Barepunting.net" it's very Grim.
It's dedicated to only bareback sex with prostitutes.

[blinkybill47]

I have a no drugs rule with dp ..... he knows if he were to touch drugs he'd be our on his arse.... and a prostitute..... I don't care if I was part of the British monarchy.....we'd split... id of pushed him out of the car and drove off..... saying his friend slept with her first is probably bullshit too... they probably both got one... or he alone did....

If you stay with him... you're setting a standard of allowing your future baby dad to go on hard drug benders where he sleeps with prostitutes and God knows what else.... leave with some self respect