Prostitute confession

[Whatdoido12]

Please help. I’ve changed my username as I’m so mortified.

My boyfriend of 7 years yesterday, completely out the blue, told me that about 8 weeks ago he had sex with a prostitute. He was driving and looked really ill. I asked him if he was ok and he just pulled over and told me, said the guilt was killing him.

What he says happened:
It was his friends birthday early September, they went out as a group of guys and went back to the friends house for an after party (what’s Covid, eh?). They were drinking heavily and also used ketamine and Coke. One of his friends called a prostitute - the friend had sex with the prostitute and then my boyfriend did. He said it was the worst thing he’s ever done, regretted it immediately and hates himself. He got an STI check and it came back clean. I’ve ordered a self test kit online anyway.

We had just this month started trying for a baby. We had sex on Wednesday in my “peak fertility” phase, I took the morning after pill yesterday as soon as I got home but I’m aware it might not work.

I made him sleep downstairs last night. I can hear him sobbing downstairs. He is about as contrite as a person can be currently.

My best friend’s grandad passed away yesterday morning so I don’t feel like I can talk to her about this. I feel so conflicted. I love him so much, he treats me better than I have ever been treated (apart from this, obviously) and we have been so happy for 7 years. We bought a house last year and have a dog and this has blindsided me.

I remember the morning after this happened - he came home quite sheepishly and REALLY hungover, was vomiting all day, I gave him a bollocking for staying at his mates house and taking loads of drugs, but that was that. He was very quiet and wanted lots of cuddling etc but I just naively assumed it was cause he was hungover/sorry for staying out when he shouldn’t of been.

And now I’m sitting here. I just don’t know what to do.

(No doubt he has some unprotected sex to own up to - but I'd have my doubts that it was with a prostitute his friend called out to a house party with multiple men, whom he "had second hand".

i'm so sorry OP. I'm afraid that for me this would be the end of our relationship. Trust is so important. Drugs and prostitutes are no foundation for a relationship, marriage and parenting.

I think this is something that happens to a lot of men once or twice in their lives, usually when pissed off their faces. **

ERM no it's not. I don't know a single person who has slept with a prostitute or no one in my circle takes that amount of drugs!

He has made a massive mistake and he sounds truly sorry. Just looking at it from a different angle to everyone else saying leave him. He told you. How many men have done these things and women and just carried on like normal. There’s loads of people probably people who have replied to your post who ha e no idea what the actual truth is in their relationship. He told you because he loves you and he can’t live with himself for what he has done. I’m not saying it’s right of course it’s terrible but I think if you love him you can get get past it with a lot of talking and work. Good luck op I hope you are ok x

OP, it is hard. Do not rush into anything. Give yourself time to think. It is not easy to throw away a 7 year old relationship. It is the only time you found out he used drugs since Uni? Order the drug hair test for him, find out the real situation. If it was a one off and prostitute was under complete influence of drugs and alcohol maybe it is a chance to get through. He did confess, guilt is eating him. So lots of factors to consider. It might be a massive lesson and wake up call for him.

Please try not to worry about HIV. Prostitues due to the nature of their occupation do tend to look after their health and do regular check up.

I do not understand why some users are so fast to label. Shit happens to all! And so do horrendous things under the drug and alcohol influence. And some learn from it. Relationship might survive should OP decide to give it a go under her rules.

All the best to you, OP.

@Skyla2005

He has made a massive mistake and he sounds truly sorry. Just looking at it from a different angle to everyone else saying leave him. He told you. How many men have done these things and women and just carried on like normal. There’s loads of people probably people who have replied to your post who ha e no idea what the actual truth is in their relationship. He told you because he loves you and he can’t live with himself for what he has done. I’m not saying it’s right of course it’s terrible but I think if you love him you can get get past it with a lot of talking and work. Good luck op I hope you are ok x

I couldn't get past it and I love my husband to death..no way.

Fleas couldn't limbo dance under the bar for relationship behaviour that some posters on here promote.

My first reaction when I read your post was ‘yuck’
He is nasty, drug taking , easily led, reckless, stupid, cruel, weak ,misogynistic, shameless piece of shit.
Is this the person you choose to be the father of your kids?
I am sure that he has done more than he admitted to

Almost every poster who comes ok here with pretty much nom option but to separate from their partner and become a single mum had warnings before she got to that point, often warnings before she had a child with him. Warnings they ignored.

I don't know what sort of relationship and life (and father for kids) you want to inflict on other women.

Fleas couldn't limbo dance under the bar for relationship behaviour that some posters on here promote. Yes.

ERM no it's not. I don't know a single person who has slept with a prostitute or no one in my circle takes that amount of drugs!

I know, that post made me laugh and think wtaf in equal measures.

The female equivalent would be;

"I went to amy mate' birthday party, went back to hers, took coke and ketamin, she called out a male stripper who was up for sex, more than one of us fucked him .... Oh and I was in a long-term relationship, living with a guy when I did it".

Well I'm no angel but I haven't done that, and I'm certain at least most of mates haven't either. I'd consider a woman who had to be poor relationship material, just like I consider a man who has to be.

Like some people on here, I would suspect that whatever he's admitted to – he's done far worse. I would be shocked if he's admitted to everything.

However, I also must question the idea of anybody trying to conceive with somebody that they knew had only recently taking drugs. You need to take yourself out of that situation, protect yourself, and build up yourself.

Jesus op this is shocking i couldn't come back from this.im so sorry must be such a shock. Have you any rl support? X

My God.

That woman was just a hole to him.
Nothing.

Run.

I wouldn’t be worked up over taking drugs once since college, u say it’s not usual so I could get passed this but no way could I see past sleeping with a prostitute and then on top of that he had unprotected sex with you, literally putting your life at risk. I couldn’t see him in the same light again and all trust would be gone so that would be the relationship over for me. Very tough on u op after 7 years

Relationship might survive should OP decide to give it a go

I guess it depends what bother OP about this, the drugs, the cheating or the using a prostitute.

The latter is the biggest issue for me. Especially using a prostitute so desperate/ forced that she will walk into such a potentially unsafe situation. I couldn't get past the fact that he would use a woman like that. Not care about her or her pleasure, not see her as a person, but just use her body to wank into, not caring about what circumstances may have led her to be there doing that. Just couldn't respect him again.

OMG! If this is the kinda crap he's doing before you start a family.. imagine what you're setting yourself up for further down the line when you're at home with a baby!

Agree with the others.. he could have said no, and it shows the type of person he is! Get. Out. Now. While you still can! You can do so much better than this!!

I'm completely anti drug so would have fucked him off just for the drugs. Ok coke isn't so hardcore these days everyone seems to take it but ketamine they give to horses for fucks sake.

Drugs isn't an excuse to have sex with someone else, let alone paying for it. And sloppy seconds.

Like if you were TTC I can think of much more important things of spending money never mind what he's done to you.

On top of all that potentially spreading covid too.

Sounds like he needs to grow up

Trying for a baby should be a really loving, happy time and you should be so involved with each other, not partying with your mate, getting off your face and shagging someone else when you are having unprotected sex with your partner and potentially making a baby.

Sorry this has happened to you love, be strong, only you know if you can forgive him or not. It seems so random and out the blue, has he deffo not done anything like this before?

A friend of a friend has admitted to using prostitutes several years ago and 5 years later I still think badly of him if I see him about.

I can’t imagine that I would ever be able to look at my DH again if he told me had slept with anyone else, a prostitute us worse, I would be worried that she had been traffic or coerced into the situation.

I would ask myself if I could forgive him and look him in the eye again and how I would feel when I looked at him in a year or in 5 years. I don’t think I would be able to look at him with anything but sadness and disappointment

Its not just that he did this is the whining cry baby confession of a beta male. Urghhh i could never respect that ever again.

My DP and I don't use protection. If he slept with anyone/a sex worker I'd be fuming.. let alone the trust has gone / drugs etc.

Where you at, op ?

Holy fuck, unprotected sloppy seconds with a prostitute then unprotected sex with you, potentially infecting an unborn child??? Does he not care at all???? Im shocked

Please try not to worry about HIV. Prostitues due to the nature of their occupation do tend to look after their health and do regular check up.

@BusyEvenForBee We know by her alleged actions in this story that she doesn't take care of her health though, if she will have unprotected sex with clients (or it is being done to her against her will- a lot of men are sneaky with condoms- stealthing is rape of course.)

Having a test doesn't prevent you catching an STD. HIV and STDs are things people should worry about more than they do nowadays, and use condoms.

Why bother excusing this guy and giving him another chance?

And no, I've done some pretty bad things when drunk but I've never shagged a prostitute. My ex claimed to have seen a prostitute 'only once, on a stag weekend in Amsterdam when I was 19'- he turned out to be a complete and utter sleazeball in numerous ways, so I'd never let that red flag slide with anyone now. His explanation of the circumstances was probably a lie, most things that came out of his mouth were.

I think PP's are right, he's probably playing down what he's actually doing.

I'm so sorry this has happened OP, the best gift you can give your future children is to father them with a decent man. Is he the role model you want to help raise your child. Imagine raising a daughter with this man, knowing what he thinks about women, imagine finding out your grown up son has followed in his father's footsteps. There are so many other men out there, it's not a case of him or nobody.

You can't buy consent, that makes your DP a rapist IMHO. They would never have got a Belle Du Jour type of prostitute in those circumstances, she would have been the most abused/desperate woman, possibly trafficked.

I hope you find the strength to leave this man, there isn't a happy future for you in this relationship