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Original poster

Prostitute confession

161 replies

Whatdoido12 · 31/10/2020 09:36

Please help. I’ve changed my username as I’m so mortified.

My boyfriend of 7 years yesterday, completely out the blue, told me that about 8 weeks ago he had sex with a prostitute. He was driving and looked really ill. I asked him if he was ok and he just pulled over and told me, said the guilt was killing him.

What he says happened:
It was his friends birthday early September, they went out as a group of guys and went back to the friends house for an after party (what’s Covid, eh?). They were drinking heavily and also used ketamine and Coke. One of his friends called a prostitute - the friend had sex with the prostitute and then my boyfriend did. He said it was the worst thing he’s ever done, regretted it immediately and hates himself. He got an STI check and it came back clean. I’ve ordered a self test kit online anyway.

We had just this month started trying for a baby. We had sex on Wednesday in my “peak fertility” phase, I took the morning after pill yesterday as soon as I got home but I’m aware it might not work.

I made him sleep downstairs last night. I can hear him sobbing downstairs. He is about as contrite as a person can be currently.

My best friend’s grandad passed away yesterday morning so I don’t feel like I can talk to her about this. I feel so conflicted. I love him so much, he treats me better than I have ever been treated (apart from this, obviously) and we have been so happy for 7 years. We bought a house last year and have a dog and this has blindsided me.

I remember the morning after this happened - he came home quite sheepishly and REALLY hungover, was vomiting all day, I gave him a bollocking for staying at his mates house and taking loads of drugs, but that was that. He was very quiet and wanted lots of cuddling etc but I just naively assumed it was cause he was hungover/sorry for staying out when he shouldn’t of been.

And now I’m sitting here. I just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 31/10/2020 21:13

I always find if helps to turn these situations around - since men tend to get a free pass from.sk many people for so much in so many situations in our society

imagine a guy who's in a long-term relationship with a woman, they've bought a house together, and they're ttc a baby. She goes out with her mates for one mate's birthday, goes back to said mate's place for after-party (in spite of covid), she takes coke and ketamin at the party, her mate organises a male escort or male stripper who's not averse to providing sexual services to come to party, mate shags him ... The opportunity appears to be there for others at the party to shag him; she takes it and shags him after her mate, without a condom.

What would we think.of the woman? What would we think of their relationship? Would we think he's in a decent relationship? Would we think he should continue TTC a baby with her? Would we think he should continue the relationship with her?

I reckon most of us would think that there's something nit right with her, that she had no morals,has no standards, is damaged on some way, is a mess, is likely to be unfaithful.again, and is a poor bet for a relationship let alone the mother of your child (on your case father obviously).

That doesn't change because it's a male.

@GilbertMarkham That is such a good thought experiment which you describe so well. We would think she was an absolute nutter who'd be incapable of being a decent parent or partner.

Whereas with a bloke we might just think it's 'ugh.'

SoulofanAggron · 31/10/2020 21:40

That or 'boys will be boys.' Envy

DBML · 31/10/2020 22:11

So he’s a druggy and a dirty cheat. Sling him.

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/11/2020 00:25

The fact that he had unprotected sex with you after sleeping with a prostitute tells me everything I need to know.

No way I could have any respect or love left for someone who put my health at risk like that.

I also don't believe he's been for an STD and is doing his weeping wanker routine because he thinks he's given you something.

Trash.

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/11/2020 00:31

Whereas with a bloke we might just think it's 'ugh.'

That or 'boys will be boys

Seriously people actually think that?? All I see when I think of a man like that is garbage.

SoulofanAggron · 01/11/2020 00:41

@Closetbeanmuncher I would agree of course. But a PP up thread said 'this happens to a lot of men at some point' or something like that. Shock

CuppaZa · 01/11/2020 00:45

Ketamine, Coke, and unprotected prostitute relay? Whilst you are TTC?
He is a scum bag and I hope you realise your future children deserve a better father than him.
LTB

Muchadoaboutlife · 01/11/2020 00:50

The relationship would be over for me. Trust gone.

DBML · 01/11/2020 08:44

Exactly Cuppa. The drugs would have spelled the end for me. Imagine, bringing children into a family where daddy does recreational ketamine. People like him are irresponsible scum and shouldn’t be having children.

EarthSight · 01/11/2020 09:05

An awful situation to be in. He seems like a weak man. He told you about the prostitute not because he thought you should know, or that your relationship should be honest. He told you to relieve his own guilt and dump that info on you, and also because he knew that sonner or later this info would get out.

Taking party drugs is one thing (something I wouldn't want in a partner), but prostitutes like they're a normal take-away is on another level.

carbhunter · 01/11/2020 09:18

I couldn't get over this. LTB

SimplyRadishing · 01/11/2020 09:23

FlowersFlowersFlowers

I am so sorry this must be just devastating for you.

madcatladyforever · 01/11/2020 09:28

Its particularly toxic because he sounds like the kind of man who is easily led by other men and can't say no to them. He's low down in the pack pecking order which is even worse.
A real man would say no thank you and walk awY.

Azerothi · 01/11/2020 09:34

I am kind of wondering how high and drunk he was to be able to ejaculate and get an erection. Could he not have at least put a condom on to avoid the obvious sloppiness?

Maybe I'm missing something here?

AnxMummy10 · 01/11/2020 09:36

So sorry this has happened op. Better you found out now before having a child with him. He really is the lowest.
Prostitution, cheating, drugs - you do not want this as the father of your child and your life partner. How are you today op?

BeQuick · 01/11/2020 09:43

I think some of the responses here are unnecessarily aggressive towards the OP.

She is struggling at the moment to process what she has heard and the new information about ther partner that goes against everything she has known about him for the past 7 years.

It's quite possible that, up until this point, he has treated her better than she's ever been treated. She's experiencing huge cognitive dissonance and trying to reconcile the man she has been in a relationship with and planned a future with for 7 years with this new man she has known for a couple of days. Yes, of course she needs to end it but she needed somewhere to process her thoughts. Not somewhere where people's anger towards this man and the situation are being directed at her.

blindinglyobviouslight · 01/11/2020 09:45

That woman would not have knowingly gone into a house of drunk men. She probably has a pimp and is being coerced and abused

This is an excellent point. We only have your boyfriend's word for it that it was straight sex, one after the other. The reason he might have needed cuddles and reassurance from you was not because of his guilt at cheating on you, but because him and his 'off their faces' friends did something much worse to that woman which disturbed even him in the cold light of day.

You'll never know will you? Because you can't trust him.

ILoveYoga · 01/11/2020 09:48

OP - he’s really shown you who he is. Open your eyes and act on this

He takes drugs

He has sex with other women

He uses prostitutes

He thinks so little if you that he has unprotected sex - right after his friend - with a prostitution and then had unprotected sex with you. The trust right there having unprotected sex is so so bad. It could have serious impact on your life forever.

You need to really think of this is truly who you want to be with. He’s shown you who he is. What’s more, his friends are a reflection of the type of behaviour he thinks is acceptable. If they thought this was ok behaviour, are you comfortable with him being around this?

Tiredmum100 · 01/11/2020 10:30

I would have to end the relationship. I could not respect him or plan a future with him. He's disgusting and should be ashamed of his behaviour. You deserve so much better.

Ce7913 · 01/11/2020 11:24

@Whatdoido12

"...He got an STI check and it came back clean. I’ve ordered a self test kit online anyway..."

I'm sorry to say that he is absolutely not guaranteed negative for HIV for a good couple of months yet.

A detectable antibody response to HIV antigens can commonly take three months to appear in your blood, and, more rarely six months.

Hence the 3 and 6 month follow-up tests.

As any doctor would have already informed him at his initial test had he apprised them of the circumstances that brought him in to be tested.

I am so angry for you, OP. He is fucking despicable. Funny how his sad little boy tears didn't stop him from purchasing and degrading a vulnerable woman to climax, cheating on you, or exposing you and your potential progeny to all manner of diseases.

nosswith · 01/11/2020 11:25

End the relationship if you have not done already so since yesterday morning.

GilbertMarkham · 01/11/2020 11:28

His story is bad enough but I'm not sure I even believe it.

It all smacks of the longstanding tradition of "not my cigarettes, not my porn not my alcohol, not my drugs, it wasn't me driving, not my decision to go into lap dancing club/brothel/get prostitutes, not my prostitute ..... It was mate's" when people are caught or have some reason to tell, and want to portray themselves as swept along, put in a position by others, "led" etc.

Whether they were actually a lot more proactive and what actually happened is a whole other story .... As bad as it is I'd be skeptical about his story, it may actually be worse.

It's also pretty unusual for someone to do something like this once, totally out of the blue.

IJustWantSomeBees · 01/11/2020 11:30

@Nandakanda the fact that it is common for men to use and abuse vulnerable women does not make it acceptable or normal.

GilbertMarkham · 01/11/2020 11:34

Then there's the issue of the prostitute going into a property with how many drunk, coked up etc men on her own.

Posters have commented that this makes it even more likely she was being pimped/put in s vulnerable position ... But on second thoughts I wonder if it happened at all. It's a very very risky situation fur any sex worker to put herself in and you'd imagine they'd avoid it all costs and suggest "service" elsewhere, on a strictly individual basis. I have my doubts about his story.

ballsdeep · 01/11/2020 11:36

Well he sounds a catch op. Why the hell would you want to have a baby with a drug addled loser who cheats?