Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

@pineappleonpizzaornot I’m generally lurking in the back ground reading the threads. Urgh I hate emoji replies, thumbs up is the worst. It’s so difficult to know how to respond, if at all. As an over-thinker I too create every scenario in my head. I think men just don’t look into such replies in great detail. X

Have been on a few dates with a guy (before lockdown) & I really like him but his texting is driving me nuts. He normally messages first, to which I reply in a reasonably quick time frame and then he leaves my reply unread for hours and hours...can be up to 8 hours. By the time he replies I'm so over that conversation & can barely remember what it was about. Basically it's impossible to have a back and forth conversation with him. Now should I say something or keep quiet as we haven't seen much of each other due to lockdown & I don't want to seem like a nag telling him off especially as we haven't been able to have any fun together for ages? Do you think it's unreasonable?! Surely everyone checks their phone from time to time & at least last thing at night, first thing in the morning?

To be honest @sharonJJ55 I often take that long to reply to people! Is he likely to be busy? Kids, full on job, etc? I do check my phone before bed but if someone has asked a few questions and I’ll need to write a lengthy reply, sometimes I’m too tired so I’ll delay until the next day.

I’ve been chatting to a guy and getting on well and in my last message asked him a couple of questions - that was 2 days ago. Taking over 2 days to respond, especially when one of the days was at the weekend IS rude. I don’t think it’s so bad to not send messages for a couple of days if the conversation came to a natural end but if you’ve asked someone something it’s bad manners for them to take days and days to respond. We haven’t met yet so possibly I’ve been ghosted again!

So ladies we are back texting again but it seems different. No morning or night texts and much less communication but when we do it's still easy and flirty. Hes off today but has appointments for both himself and his son and then hes working until saturday. I do realise we used to text an awful lot and possibly too much. I'm thinking now has his feelings changed or is he unsure of me given I effectively dumped him last Wednesday. I'm planning to just give it a bit more time as I do feel we would be in a better place if we actually met up again. We've always been really good at that. Would you be concerned at the change in tempo?

Hope you are all doing good....any developments your end?

I'm so pissed off! Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable.....the mr plod was all going well, lots of messages going back and forth and lots of banter (sorry for that word) and last night we exchanged more pics, nothing rude, but he was telling me he was fantasising about my body....I did feel uneasy, but I did think maybe I was being a prude, then today he has sent one message, thats it! He told me after I sent more pics of myself (all clothed) he isn't on social media (married?!) He said I was absolutely gorgeous, all the normal crap, and then just nothing!! I messaged this morning saying was all he wanted pictures, he said no and he's been really busy, then nothing, I messaged tonight saying it seems like all he wanted was pictures as I've heard nothing all day (the day before he was messaging all day) the reply I get is "no!" That's it, that's all! I really feel pissed off, am I wrong? I'm so close to sending him a shitty message and then blocking. I have just read this post back and he's a total dick isn't he??

Thanks angel. He's on latest today, so he's had all morning, and he messaged all day yesterday while at work. So it's not looking good, I do feel like just saying "fuck off". And he sent photos and he's not all that 😂

Lates*

And....I look really bloody nice on my photos!!

Its total head f@#k isint it..I just think men and women are so different sometimes. Like you I just feel impulsive then out of sheer frustration. Sorry Im not more helpful.

Sorry was meant for @pineappleonpizzaornot!

Thanks @LuckyLinda3- I should have realised, he was too sexual from the start, thought I had made myself clear in that note with him though! Fed up of being fucked around so he's getting a "you're an arsehole" message. Probably shouldn't but hey ho, why not!

Sorry Pineapple, that really sucks. I would definitely send the fuck you message! It’s made me feel better in the past to get my two pence in before they block me!!

Lucky for your situation I reckon he might just be feeling a bit unsure? Maybe a bit uncertain if you are chatting to him just as a friend now or if you want more. I’m not sure how you can resolve other than being quite direct and upfront but it’s hard if you’re not feeling too sure either! Perhaps if you keep chatting it will go one way or the other? Not being able to meet certainly doesn’t help.

I finally heard back from the one who’s kept me waiting since Saturday (Mr Tall). Apologised for the delay but didn’t say what had caused it. Guess I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and keep chatting for now. I’m still chatting to the one I had a virtual date with though I don’t think we have much in common and now chatting to another one, Mr Bookworm!

Well I told him he is a weirdo, a weirdo that likes to get women's photos and wank to then and then not message them.....and he looked like paul burrell....and then I blocked him 😂😂 arsehole!

I feel better now! Thanks @Starlightsparkle....I don't have the time or the patience to wonder and wait anymore. You either stay in contact or you don't, and of you don't have the decency (after you've told me you want to fantasise about me) then piss off! Weirdo! Wanky weirdo arsehole!

I've just read my messages back and I probably sound really immature, but I'd said to him I'd been messed about before, and I was very wary, and I get t the whole, I'm a nice bloke, and I wouldn't do that and I don't just want sex, I want to get to know you etc, you're really lovely and down to earth and I'm really enjoying talking to you etc etc. Why do they do this?? I could deal with "I don't think this will become anything", or "you're not my type", just the whole ignoring thing I find so rude and hurtful! What's wrong with them?! Men are from mars women are from venus!

@pineappleonpizzaornot you're not immature, we've all been there. Is it so difficult to just be up front with us. Fair play for having the balls to call him out on it

@Angelofdeath he has been messaging all day and looking to meet up again. He asked if I had had a change of heart and that he always felt what we had was too good to walk away from and that he realised that and thought I would too once I had time to think. Not sure what to make of that but anyway I think I'll give it a wee bit more time.

Pineapple you're better off out of it. My EH was a copper, had an affair and was nasty as hell over it, turns out she wasn't the first. Since then I've found out it's so common for them to be up to no good. I wouldn't go near another one.

Thanks Ladies, @VivaVegas - I have heard a few horror stories regarding policemen! Obviously these are justified! I feel better this morning, and I am pleased I had the balls to tell him where to go and then blocked on all platforms, dont care if he thinks Im a weirdo, there was no excuse to be so weird and rude! Anyway, I have found a house, and hopefully moving in at the end of Jan...I am just across the street from eldest, and round the corner from my Mum and brother......so much better than 70 miles away from them! . So I have that to look forward to.....and I will be even more cautious now with OLD....bollocks to glass half full!

Also, woke up to a message from a guy I work with (he sent this message at 1.40am) this morning, telling me he had just woken up from a dream about me! then made it obvious what he did....eurgh! I really do despair!

Apologies everyone I haven't checked in for a while. Things with my last iron didn't work I just was not attracted to him at all. So typical when he really wanted a relationship with me. Can't force these things can you 🙄. I've been chatting to a new one for about 2 weeks now and he is just absolutely my cup of tea. We have had loads of video chats and phone calls and have met up a couple of times for a walk (I know that's against lockdown rules but I'm struggling on my own at the minute) we have literally spoken about anything and everything. I am completely myself with him. Only downside so far is he lives an hour away but we both drive. I'm trying to be cautious but he just gets me - he has even told me if he doesn't reply to a message straight away he's just busy at work and he calls me every lunchtime.

I think I need you all to try and pull me down from the clouds here I just have such a good feeling about him and zero red flags

@Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz aw thats great. Sounds like you are a great match. Wishing you all the best and just go with it and enjoy it. Great to hear positive news.

Hi all, I’m dipping my toe into a bit of OLD for the first time in a few years and your experiences really resonate with me so I was hoping to join this chat. @pineappleonpizzaornot I love that you called Mr Plod out on being a wanky weirdo, good for you! Next! @LuckyLinda3 I’d sit on my hands and let him take the lead for a bit. This is something I wish I could do, I find myself getting stressed when I don’t know where I stand and probably pushing them away.

@Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz he sounds lovely, it’s so nice that he reassured you about delays in response before you had a chance to get worried.