Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

[StarlightSparkle]

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

My Ds is 17 off to uni this sept , being totally selfish ( for once !!) i dont want to meet someone with young children i've done all the days out stuff , having to find babysitters etc dont want to go through it again with someone elses kids.

I feel your pain, @Angelofdeath - my kids are junior school aged. I figure if I end up with anyone, it’ll probably be someone in a similar boat, who also has young kids.

@angelofdeath i mean, if i had young kids i would go for someone who had young kids, as its easier because you both are used to spending time with young kids. Plenty of dads with under 10's , just for me ( im 47) ive done it and dont want to go back to the start line again so to speak. You'll be fine 🙂

Some of the ones who don’t see much of their kids are very touchy about it. That guy who had a massive go at me because I dared to ask how often he sees his kids! At least they weed themselves out.

I’m chatting to a guy who has a secondary-school aged daughter who he looks after most of the time. He seems nice - so annoying that we can’t meet as he’s not in my local area. We’ve agreed to meet when restrictions are lifted but that could be ages.

Any guy who has kids and doesnt see them or pay for them is a massive red flag to me .

So ladies rightly or wrongly I reached on on Friday and sent a text....do you want to chat? 15 mins later he rang and we talked for an hour and a half. We both said how we felt and both more or less stuck to their position but we had a better idea of each others perspective. I'm still stuck though as we left the conversation...it was very late...without a decision one way or the other. No contact yesterday at all, I took the stance I reached out Friday so wasnt doing it again. Do I just take it that's it or what do you think?

I have news. I signed up for Match 10 days ago - not particularly impressed but the quality of blokes on there and some that like me, I've sent messages to and get ignored. A few that are chatty are not really my type.
However, out of the blue today, a guy I have known for a few years has been in touch on fb. He is separated and we are going to get to know each other properly and see where it might go. He is local too.
I might stay on Match till the end of my month's subscription but have cancelled auto-renewal.
Shame he did not speak up sooner, I could have saved 40 quid

I do find old tiresome though - did Zoosk in the summer and again just odd blokes all in one place and some saying about meeting, as at that time we could and then never making firm plans.

Hi Ladies - @LuckyLinda3, I wouldn't reach out again, Im quite stubborn but have learned I need to reign that in slightly, but I wouldn't reach out a second time, as I would be worried it might "set a trend", maybe thats me being cynical? But, you gave an olive branch and still have no answer. I would leave him to ponder on what you talked about. If he comes back he does, if he doesn't....well then he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be .
@Angelofdeath - I also think I am like you and run away and think the worst all the time, think Im a bit fed up of trying to read between the lines with men! Never straight forward is it? Maybe he was on the phone? Im assuming with you saying you have come off it, you arent talking to him anymore? It would be so nice if it was just straight forward and not feel like you are hanging on a cliff edge waiting for someone to push you off!
I have started talking to someone, I will call Mr Plod, Im not sure how we matched as he is 50 miles away, and when we both realized, we kind of said "oh thats too far, what a shame", but we have carried on talking, I think we have just both enjoyed chatting too much to say "see ya!"he has a good sense of humor and is making me laugh, and I think Im making him laugh too . He got a bit flirty last night and I said if that is all he is interested in that Im not for him! He surprisingly came back "no, not at all", that I seem a really lovely lady, down to earth and he is really enjoying talking to me. He messaged this morning and we have chatted most of the day, not sure if we should swap numbers or not? I actually fancy him, and wouldnt mind a bit of flirting....its been a whole year for god-sake!! Oh and as you have guessed hes a policeman, and I have heard some awful stories of dating the police!

@pineappleonpizzaornot he messaged yesterday again and we had 2 or 3 bouts of back and forth texting. It was just back to our normal banter and then he asked why I had had a change of heart last Wednesday. I said it wasn't that my feelings about him changed just that I needed a certain level of commitment to the firm dates we make and he agreed that he hadn't handled that well. I do think that's hes unsure of me though as he has asked if theres a chance my ex could re appear and I made a joke about tinder that he seemed to take exception to. Maybe he doesnt want to get hurt either. The communication is way less but I'm ok with that as maybe theres more pressure with his work than I understood. He has said he wants to meet up again and we have strong physical chemistry so I think I'll just play it cool and see. Again any advice will be warmly received.

@LuckyLinda3 - Well it sounds as though neither of you have given up! And, we probably forget on here that some men may also have been messed around and hurt in the past. Its tough at the moment with all the restrictions in place not being able to "date" properly. I would do exactly what you have said and play it cool and see where it goes. Is there a chance your ex may pop up again? Has something been said for him to ask that?

@pineappleonpizzaornot his wife cheated on him and they dont speak anymore but the kids stay with him...a positive in my book. I'm very amicable with my ex and I think he feels threatened by this. I am happy single, I loved him 100% but hes changed and it's too hard to be with him now as his issues have made him utterly selfish. My new iron talked in a way that gave me the impression he was very interested up until I ended it on Wednesday! Maybe we are both being cautious and protecting ourselves!

@LuckyLinda3 - It does sound like you are both being cautious, play it cool and see what happens. Hearts are wonderful things until they are broken, then they have a cage around them and I think it changes how you think with every possible relationship you will have again. I remember being so carefree never overthinking, then mine got broken and I think it broke me too.....now I am probably too careful and think every bloke has an ulterior motive (i think most of them do actually!) but not all of them I live in hope

Ha ha so true @pineappleonpizzaornot. I want to be cool and carefree but I'm inclined to overthink. But he makes me feel so good about myself, no pressure sexually that I really enjoy his company. And I know hes attracted to me as he makes that very clear. I think I need to chill and just see where it goes.. so refreshing to hear you say you were carefree too but changed. Sometimes I feel like everyone else is so cool and I'm sweating it.

@LuckyLinda3 - My prime example about me overthinking is something that happened yesterday....Im happily talking to Mr Plod, he replies to my message with just 1 emoji, and Im thinking , right well thats that then, he obviously doesn't want to talk to me anymore as that emoji is a shit reply, he is obviously being subtle and trying to wriggle out of talking to me, how the fuck do I reply to an emoji, and in my head it was all done and I was never going to talk to him again as he so obviously didnt want to talk to me and the 1 emoji said as much! So I never responded......half an hour later he messaged me asking what was I up to and is there anything good on Netflix I would recommend! So, he did want to talk to me, and I just panicked and thought the worst! Me 4 years ago, would have replied to the emoji and not overthought it one bit! Lets be glass half full.....we haven't got anything to lose, and its much more fun

He has just replied with 4 emojis to a message !! Oh my days I spoke too soon!

@LuckyLinda3 - Its so nice that he makes you feel good about yourself - I need a bit of that I have spent the last year thinking I am too fat, too old, too wrinkly, too ugly and nobody will ever want me, it was my ex that did that to me, and to be fair he looked like sloth off the goonies , the Mr Plod that I am talking to is bring a bit of the old me back, my personality is coming out with him, and its a nice feeling

Yeah I so get that...its such a boost to see the old you emerge again and you're right it feels great..and you are none of those things, you deserve to be made feel the special lady you obviously are @pineappleonpizzaornot.

Aww thanks @LuckyLinda3, well we have swapped numbers so we shall see......if he turns into a dick pic sending twat it will be another to the blocked list....glass half full