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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online dating in your 40s - Part 2

982 replies

StarlightSparkle · 30/10/2020 12:30

New thread as I don’t think we are anywhere near done on this subject!

OP posts:
Isitreally77 · 31/10/2020 18:35

I was supposed to see Mr Computer Geek next week (his suggestion) so I'm now really disappointed if we go into lockdown again especially as we both live in areas with very few cases. He didn't mind my drunk messages last night and has been messaging today so all is good there.

timetochangeagainforever · 31/10/2020 21:49

Checking in with an update that might make others feel a bit better if they can relate....

Two others I've been messaging (one of whom I've actually spoken to too) asked me on a dinner date. So, keeping my options open and trying not to get too invested in Mr Blue, I agreed to both- both are local, decent seeming guys. Both asked if I had a preference restaurant, said I didn't and would go along with their suggestions;'both asked what sort of food I liked, I replied saying I wasn't fussy etc.... both three days ago.....since then nothing from either - wtf? Why ask me?? So,tonight being bored I messaged both asking what was happening.....watch this space

Hope the birthday girls are whooping it up and having fun.

Meanwhile I've been watching Strictly, eating fish and chips and scoffing orange matchmakers ....living the dream Grin

Isitreally77 · 31/10/2020 22:29

So after hearing about lockdownAngry, I messaged Mr Computer Geek and said Monday or Wednesday or it will have to be another month before we do anything, his response was it could be months, let's do Wednesday. So we are supposed to be meeting on Wednesday evening. Not sure whether it is a bad move or not, because I'll just meet him only to not see him for a month but hey ho.

timetochangeagainforever · 31/10/2020 22:34

@Isitreally77 I'd say go for it, if we've got to suffer another four weeks lockdown, it will be nice for you to have a fun evening on Wednesday

Isitreally77 · 31/10/2020 22:44

@timetochangeagainforever that's exactly what I was thinking go and have some fun whilst we can.

Angelofdeath · 01/11/2020 06:26

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isitreally77 · 01/11/2020 07:48

@Angelofdeath. Hope you had a nice birthday.

He was messaging me last night until midnight. Think lockdown may have spurred him on a bit this time.

pineappleonpizzaornot · 02/11/2020 15:07

Hi Ladies....well in lock down again!
Its making me really reevaluate things, and Im thinking about moving back to my home town after a crying breakdown at work this morning! I moved 70 miles across the country to be with my ex, long story short, I decided to stay up North when we split as I had my job, but I dont think I can face another 4 weeks on my own, so seriously thinking about just upping sticks and going home for my own mental health. I went home for the weekend, and it breaks me to have to leave my family and drive 70 miles to an empty house.

Not talking to any irons, and really dont see that changing in the next few weeks....on a happier note, good luck to all those that are having dates and more importantly enjoying them :)

timetochangeagainforever · 02/11/2020 19:29

@pineappleonpizzaornot I think in the circumstances a move back to where you have support would be the best thing for you mentally, if that is financially viable for you good luck Flowers

Sooo Mr Blue (working overseas) is still constantly in touch....but alarm bells are starting to ring as he's talking tonight about being in a frustrating and stressful situation as the shipping/customs cost for the retrieval if his final container of supplies is a lot more than envisaged i.e. Over £100,000 - he has NOT asked me to help just said he wanted to tell me why he was down. He knows I have no money, I've made that very clear previously when we've spoken and women here please know that there is no way I would fall for anything like that (plus I don't have a pot to piss in and shit credit after redundancy divorce etc) so it's not happening. BUT it has made me wonder....I will keep you all informed.

On a side note, after splitting amicably with my husband (we are friends and I'm friends with his partner too no no concerns there) the girlfriend my ex partner who was coercive controlling and emotionally abusive and who all my family and friends despised has Facebook friend requested me today?!

I haven't accepted the request (her profile pic is of them together) but messaged her asking if she meant to friend request me. She's replied saying it was my mistake and I came up in her FB. I replied that I don't know why I did as we've no friends in common and live 100s of mikes away. Said that if she felt in a vulnerable position with him, she us welcome to contact me and that I had made a complaint to the police that us being kept on file should any future women complain about him.
She hasn't replied. I hope I did the right thing.

Finally Mr Green never came back to me, neither did the two guys who asked me fir dinner then never set a date! This OLD is another bloody world isn't it.

I hope everyone's ok

famousforwrongreason · 03/11/2020 01:29

[quote timetochangeagainforever]@pineappleonpizzaornot I think in the circumstances a move back to where you have support would be the best thing for you mentally, if that is financially viable for you good luck Flowers

Sooo Mr Blue (working overseas) is still constantly in touch....but alarm bells are starting to ring as he's talking tonight about being in a frustrating and stressful situation as the shipping/customs cost for the retrieval if his final container of supplies is a lot more than envisaged i.e. Over £100,000 - he has NOT asked me to help just said he wanted to tell me why he was down. He knows I have no money, I've made that very clear previously when we've spoken and women here please know that there is no way I would fall for anything like that (plus I don't have a pot to piss in and shit credit after redundancy divorce etc) so it's not happening. BUT it has made me wonder....I will keep you all informed.

On a side note, after splitting amicably with my husband (we are friends and I'm friends with his partner too no no concerns there) the girlfriend my ex partner who was coercive controlling and emotionally abusive and who all my family and friends despised has Facebook friend requested me today?!

I haven't accepted the request (her profile pic is of them together) but messaged her asking if she meant to friend request me. She's replied saying it was my mistake and I came up in her FB. I replied that I don't know why I did as we've no friends in common and live 100s of mikes away. Said that if she felt in a vulnerable position with him, she us welcome to contact me and that I had made a complaint to the police that us being kept on file should any future women complain about him.
She hasn't replied. I hope I did the right thing.

Finally Mr Green never came back to me, neither did the two guys who asked me fir dinner then never set a date! This OLD is another bloody world isn't it.

I hope everyone's ok [/quote]
Ugh guys asking for dates and then never contacting us again. What’s that all about?

Isitreally77 · 03/11/2020 06:38

So I'm supposed to be seeing Mr Computer Geek tomorrow, all is well and he is still messaging but I can't help worry that he will cancel again. Or if we do meet I'll like him and he won't like me. I think the other thing that has affected my moods are the gyms shutting again, it's one of my happy places, I feel safe and good there. I only joined in December last year but I go every day and have made so much progress, Mr Computer Geek said I must be fit and in good shape so I sent him a photo and he said I looked good (made my day getting that compliment). Its so hard to think positively when all around you it's going to shit and I know for the next 4 weeks I will have no gym, no seeing my friends, no shopping and now back to working from home every day. So I really hope Mr Computer Geek turns up, we hit it off and he stays in touch through lockdown. I need something to look forward to.

VivaVegas · 03/11/2020 08:14

Isit I completely understand where you are coming from, lockdown is so hard when your single. When I don't have my son I go the the gym a lot, meet friends for coffee, dinner etc so the next month will be hard. I coped in Spring as the weather was nice and my garden needed a lot of work. Plus I was seeing someone and although we didn't meet we were in daily contact which made a difference.

Hopefully we can all get through this and come out the other side.

I have a date tonight, early doors and he's not really my type, a bit flash which put me off when he first liked me, so I ignored him but then he liked me again so I thought why not, it's not worked when I've gone for what I think is my type!

His messages are nice and funny, a friend of a friend knows him so he's a known quantity and genuinely single looking for the right girl.

We are meeting straight after work and I'm in 2 quandaries for I drive or taxi (we are meeting at a bar) and what do I wear. For daytime dates I've worn faux leather skinny jeans, nice leisure (not gym) trainers and a nice long top and for evening dates I've worn dark skinny jeans, healed boots a nice top and a leather biker. As this is in between I'm a bit stuck. He only had one profile photo and it's not full length so I have no idea what his dress style is.

I normally just go with the flow but I'm feeling a bit stress. He says he's been on dates but not fancied any of them and he'll be my 6th date and other than one where we saw each other a few times it's been the same for me.

I also think he obviously wants done lockdown company 🤔

Angelofdeath · 03/11/2020 09:07

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Angelofdeath · 03/11/2020 09:31

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Isitreally77 · 03/11/2020 11:06

@VivaVegas I was the same i coped in the first because the weather was nice and I made the most of the garden. Hope it goes well tonight. I have everything crossed.

@Angelofdeath thank you. I'm panicking now as he has read my message and not responded. I don't want to keep messaging him but I'm now worried he has cold feet. Confused

Angelofdeath · 03/11/2020 12:11

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Isitreally77 · 03/11/2020 12:33

I sent him a message asking if we are still on as I've just been asked to go out with friends tomorrow night(I haven't but he doesn't need to know that). The waiting is the worst bit. I'm beginning to think all men are arseholes and I'm not cut out for dating, if this one does what the others have I'm giving up.

Angelofdeath · 03/11/2020 13:15

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Isitreally77 · 03/11/2020 13:48

@Angelofdeath apparently he was in hospital for an operation today but its been cancelled. So here's hoping tomorrow still goes ahead.

Angelofdeath · 03/11/2020 14:19

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Isitreally77 · 03/11/2020 14:45

@Angelofdeath Don't know, I'd like to believe he is being honest but I always think the worse case, saves from hurt and heartache.

Angelofdeath · 03/11/2020 15:49

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OutingMyself · 03/11/2020 20:36

I've completely gone off online dating for the moment. I've let the guy I went out with down and fizzled out the other one I was speaking to. My heart just isn't in it and I feel relief I've done with it for the moment. Who knows, maybe I'll give it a go again a at some point. It just seems like so much stress for little reward!

OutingMyself · 03/11/2020 20:38

I've completely gone off online dating for the moment. I've let the guy I went out with down and fizzled out the other one I was speaking to. My heart just isn't in it and I feel relief I've done with it for the moment. Who knows, maybe I'll give it a go again a at some point. It just seems like so much stress for little reward!

sugarlost · 03/11/2020 21:10

@OutingMyself I'm with you. I need a mental break...also feel a bit more confident even I'm now online.

@Angelofdeath forgot to ask about Mr School Run...I still have my fingers crossed!

@Isitreally77 I have no faith in alot of these men online... but you never know. Fingers crossed for you too.

@VivaVegas good luck with your date..be nice if one of us gets one Grin

@pineappleonpizzaornot move back Grin

@timetochangeagainforever Mr Blue.... Alarm bells are ringing!!!