Is he up to something or am I paranoid?

[Pollydaydream]

Hi all,

New poster here, I'll try not to waffle. This is a bit batty but here we go.

I'm married (together 18 years) with 2 young kids. Hubs and I get on well, he's a great dad, we share housework. I've no complaints.

We work opposite shifts. Last week, while he was sleeping, a message pinged on his phone from Instagram. I don't have that app and didn't know he had it. I opened his phone and found a normal looking Instagram account following all his colleagues, friends and family. When I opened the message though, it was from a woman he's never mentioned before. That would be odd enough, but she's actually quite famous yet he's never mentioned knowing her.

I went back through the messages and found they have spoken almost every day for just over a year. The weird thing is they talk about normal stuff,like how they spent their day of what they're making for supper. There's nothing sexual in there, although there have been a few flirty comments. Eg she had joked about posting bikini pics on holiday and he had replied "well I won't be complaining". He also responds to a lot of her instagram story posts with fire or shocked face emojis. Despite that, there is no sexting or dirty talk, but they seem very close.

I looked further and it turns out they've known each other since they were small children, but he has never mentioned her to me. She wasn't at our wedding and she's never sent a Christmas card. They did text each other on Christmas day and she cheers him on with his work challenges. I looked her up on Facebook and her account is locked, but I could see that he's liked every one of her profile pics from the last decade.

I don't know what to think. There are no dirty pics or bad talk and I know they haven't met up (they joke in their messages about it plus she lives over 300 miles away). The only other thing that is off is she seems to have gone through a break up over the last year, but when I googled her it said she's still married. On the face of it it mainly seems like a lovely supportive friendship, but if that's just what it is, why has he never mentioned her?

Do I need to be concerned or are friendships like this normal? Thank you to anyone who can help with a little insight x

Sending a picture in the bath of a glass of wine to a married man is flirty and inappropriate, maybe she likes the attention but seems quick to shut him down (the shocked face and her moving is straight back to strictly chat) I was thinking Holly too, does this woman have kids? I’m sure she wouldn’t like it if her husband had been doing this. However, he is your husband he’s the one with loyalty for you. The comments saying I don’t know what the problem is, what so you wouldn’t care you husband messaging a woman all day?? For a year and not mentioning her once. Agreeing to watch a programme at the same time so they can chat about it, that’s strange. Where are you when he’s messaging? And taking pictures of wine bottles etc. It’s so strange. I hope you are okay

Mrs Hinch 🤔

Hi all, trust me, if anything happens/has happened between them, she's getting named! Howling at the Philip Schofield comment though 😂

I know I need to confront him. It's just hard because other than this, I have no issues in my marriage. We don't really fight, our routine with the kids is like clockwork. That's why I've not lost my rag by now.

No she doesn't have children, she has a glamorous life and travels a lot. He used to work around the world before we settled. I feel like he misses that. Like she's escapism for him. The hardest part is, she seems really nice (other than being in a part time Internet marriage with MY husband).

You really do need to talk to him OP. Its worrying that he is comfortable being so secretive.

@AskMeOnce

You really do need to talk to him OP. Its worrying that he is comfortable being so secretive.

I agree, you must talk to him. It will start to impact upon your mental health otherwise. Just be direct and tell him that you're confused and upset that he has kept this friendship a secret from you.

I am surprised your husband hasn't started becoming confused about the conversations he has had with her and the conversations he has had with you. I would have thought there would have been little mishaps by now, such as him thinking that he's told you something when he hasn't (because he has told her)?

You need to speak to him OP. This really is basically an emotional affair.

@Pollydaydream

No she doesn't have children, she has a glamorous life and travels a lot. He used to work around the world before we settled. I feel like he misses that. Like she's escapism for him. The hardest part is, she seems really nice (other than being in a part time Internet marriage with MY husband).

If she leads a glamorous life I am very surprised she finds the time to text your husband. Is she a lone wolf, perhaps with few friends?

I know its wrong of me, but I am really fascinated by this thread. I can't for the life of me think why somebody would hide this friendship, surely you would chat about it to your partner if you had a famous friend. I reckon it was a love affair before he met you and before she was famous.

I can understand your reticence in not confronting him, give him enough rope and all that.
If you can hold it in, it must be hard.

Don't post her name on here.
I'm sure he must miss his jetsetting life but equally your missing him and the closeness that he should share with you.

Selfish deluded git.
And as for her, I don't care who she is, she should know better, justifying it as a childhood friendship when it's every day.

Yes maybe shes going through a difficult time with her own marriage and she feels safe with an old friend but she must know shes intruding.
Using him for support and he's lapping it up.

Eighteen years married with 2 kids, she must know!
Self entitled cow.

The actual conversation seems harmless, however the fact its everyday is strange. And that he hasn't ever mentioned her to you, especially as she's a celebrity. And as she's single, did they message every day when she wasn't?

Yes the conversation seems harmless.... whilst shes luxuriating in a bath of bubbles toasting champagne looking like ZaZA Gobor.

Meanwhile said wife is lugging arround two kids, seeing to their demands, feeling very ordinary.

Stacy Solomon?!!

@1forAll74

I don't see a problem with this, it's nice to keep in touch with old friends, male or female. Your Husband hasn't told you about her, as he probably knows you are the type of person who can get uptight about the mention of another woman. Its quite shocking how many women spy on their partners phones. It's so wrong and underhanded.

I have to say I agree with you about the spying. I have a friend who listened at a door (having said she'd gone to bed) and heard her partner slagging her off to his mate. I told her she shouldn't have stood there listening if she wasn't prepared to hear something she wouldn't like! I just think if you snoop at doors, phones, social media etc, you're eventually going to unearth something that will upset you.

@Pollydaydream

No she doesn't have children, she has a glamorous life and travels a lot. He used to work around the world before we settled. I feel like he misses that. Like she's escapism for him. The hardest part is, she seems really nice (other than being in a part time Internet marriage with MY husband).

It's Stacy Dooley isn't it???

I know it sounds really wrong but all your guesses are giving me a laugh, it's nice to have a bit of community during all this ❤️

We got together when we were 18 so I don't think they've dated but I think that's why he's intrigued. Yes she looks lovely and I know from when she tells him her life isn't as perfect as it appears publicly, but of course she looks lovely, she has time and money and people who look after her. I have no time, limited money, and people that I have to look after rather than the other way around. I look nice when I make the effort but there's no point making an effort for work especially during covid (I'm a nurse). We can't all drape around in designer dresses all day.

I think the worst part is I can understand the shocked and fire emojis on her pics because men are very visual like that and don't think. It's the fact that they discuss everything, however mundane.

@JaffaCake70 that's why I haven't lost it yet. I dont know if this is me making something bigger than what it is. It's confused me so much and the mixed bag of responses here only confirms that this is a really bizarre situation!,

@Onthedunes ZaZa Gabor 😂😂

[quote Pollydaydream]@JaffaCake70 that's why I haven't lost it yet. I dont know if this is me making something bigger than what it is. It's confused me so much and the mixed bag of responses here only confirms that this is a really bizarre situation!,[/quote]
I think your plan to buy one of her books is a good one, see if he mentions her when he notices it. If he doesn't mention that he knows her when he sees the book, he's def concealing something a little more worrying. Sending hugs OP.

OP has your book been delivered yet?
I think you seem really nice and calm about this - i wouldn’t be able to keep quiet about it to DP!

I'm not a great believer in 'emotional affairs' but it does seem off to keep something like this going without your knowledge. My DH has a number of female friends, so I'd find it especially odd if he were to have one he hid from me.

As soon as her book arrives start slating it.
See how he reacts to that haha.

The not mentioning it but speaking every day is weird.
You sound so lovely op I hope it is innocent. How would you feel if he could absolutely prove that nothing has happened? Would you be happy for the ‘friendship’ to continue?

The finest line ever between innocent /cheating imo..
Way too invested in this ' friendship' to be totally innocent..
So many red flags op.
Have you a plan as yet?

Is it Shirley Ballas?