Is he up to something or am I paranoid?

[Pollydaydream]

Hi all,

New poster here, I'll try not to waffle. This is a bit batty but here we go.

I'm married (together 18 years) with 2 young kids. Hubs and I get on well, he's a great dad, we share housework. I've no complaints.

We work opposite shifts. Last week, while he was sleeping, a message pinged on his phone from Instagram. I don't have that app and didn't know he had it. I opened his phone and found a normal looking Instagram account following all his colleagues, friends and family. When I opened the message though, it was from a woman he's never mentioned before. That would be odd enough, but she's actually quite famous yet he's never mentioned knowing her.

I went back through the messages and found they have spoken almost every day for just over a year. The weird thing is they talk about normal stuff,like how they spent their day of what they're making for supper. There's nothing sexual in there, although there have been a few flirty comments. Eg she had joked about posting bikini pics on holiday and he had replied "well I won't be complaining". He also responds to a lot of her instagram story posts with fire or shocked face emojis. Despite that, there is no sexting or dirty talk, but they seem very close.

I looked further and it turns out they've known each other since they were small children, but he has never mentioned her to me. She wasn't at our wedding and she's never sent a Christmas card. They did text each other on Christmas day and she cheers him on with his work challenges. I looked her up on Facebook and her account is locked, but I could see that he's liked every one of her profile pics from the last decade.

I don't know what to think. There are no dirty pics or bad talk and I know they haven't met up (they joke in their messages about it plus she lives over 300 miles away). The only other thing that is off is she seems to have gone through a break up over the last year, but when I googled her it said she's still married. On the face of it it mainly seems like a lovely supportive friendship, but if that's just what it is, why has he never mentioned her?

Do I need to be concerned or are friendships like this normal? Thank you to anyone who can help with a little insight x

Not that an emotional affair is harmless, it takes a lot of the intimacy from your relationship. Your supposed to be his best friend and know everything about him.

Hi, not Holly herself but that sort of vibe, yes.

I know I need to say something, although if hes had a notification that someone else has logged into his Instagram then it might be him bringing it up with me 😳

@Sweetchillichicken Nope, I thought HW straight away!

@Pollydaydream

Hi, not Holly herself but that sort of vibe, yes.

I know I need to say something, although if hes had a notification that someone else has logged into his Instagram then it might be him bringing it up with me 😳

When I got a new laptop and logged into Instagram I had an email to say I had logged in using a new device - it told me what device it was and gave me an option to click if it wasn't me, I guess to change the password. So I think he will get a notification on email.

I'm so intrigued to know who this may be...

Davina McCall??

Going against the grain here... could it just be meaningless banter?

Bloody hell...who is it!!!😂

I can't see why the husband would keep I quiet.
Surely most people would mention, at least in passing, that they're friends with this woman, whether it's long standing or newish?

Perhaps on some level he gets a bit of a thrill conversing with a celebrity??

Nothing intentionally untoward but it strokes his ego in some way.

I would be a little hurt if my husband had such a relationship but mainly because of all the secrecy around it.

Is it fearne cotton

I hope its not Phillip Schofield , he gets everywhere !

I don't see a problem with this, it's nice to keep in touch with old friends, male or female. Your Husband hasn't told you about her, as he probably knows you are the type of person who can get uptight about the mention of another woman.
Its quite shocking how many women spy on their partners phones. It's so wrong and underhanded.

Denise van outen??

God I really want to know who this is!
I'm getting Katherine Jenkins vibes...

Also, this is weird. Come on. The fact he hasn't mentioned this to you is surely not okay if you are married.

I'm going to think up a list of all the wholesome sort of celebs.
I must know!!!

@1forAll74

Really?

So your sat with your partner watching telly and you ask what we gonna watch ?
Hang on let me text this woman I'm keeping secret from you to see what shes got planned for me .

We speak every day and frankly shes more of a priority than you, we share everything.

Nice to keep in touch.

Nadiya Hussain? I'm also desperate to know I wouldn't be happy about this either OP and I couldn't not bring it up.

I was thinking Anthea Turner

I’m guessing Emma Willis.

Regardless of who it is though op, he is treating you with very little respect by having this online “relationship” as that’s what this is. He’s investing more time in another woman than you.

@fortsalem

We need to know who it is first

Yes! This!!!

This is so awful op. I can't believe you haven't confronted him yet. It's literally as if she's his girlfriend - messaging every single day, exchanging pics and flirty comments, watching series together with a bottle of wine - and he's never even MENTIONED her?? Fuck that shit.

It's.... Rebecca Vardy!! 😂 oh maybe not the wholesome thing.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

Ok so I must admit I missed the bit about every day. And the fire (oh you're so hot) and shocked emojis (oh that's so racy I love it) would piss me off. Clearly he has a massive crush on her and if she decides to ditch her hubby and tell him he is in he would be there.

I would start to follow her - you have to request it of course but if she denies your request it's pretty suspect. Presumably she knows your name. She will then tell him of course and he will then start acting oddly starting with getting angry at his 'invasion of privacy' at which point you play dumb and make up a good story.

Then you ask him why it's an invasion. What's been going on? Have they been in contact?

Why are men so fucking stupid. Hanging on to a crush on his dream woman all those years - hows that supposed to work with you? I would ask him that actually. "How is that supposed to be ok for me? Would you want to be someone's second choice, the one they settled for?"

Chatting once every few weeks or month and liking pics of her cat = fine. Chatting every single day, not mentioning you and doing the whole fire emoji thing = a massive, public crush on her. Fucking humiliating if you ask me.

I agree that she should request to follow, but OP is not on Insta. Therefore she would need to create an account, not in her own name.. then follow a load of people and build up a following. To request to follow when you're new to insta and have no followers will just look suspect.

Maybe the best bet is to just confront the DH, going to all the trouble of the above seems daft now I come to think about it!!

Gosh how are you keeping this to yourself? I would have to had confronted him by now, he’s almost leading a double life that you know about
My first thought was Carol Kirkwood although I’m not sure if that’s the right age. Why can’t you just bring her up in a conversation or outright ask him what the hell’s going on?