Man I have feelings for so much smaller than me- advice needed

[dollypollywolly]

Hi everyone.

I know this sounds incredibly shallow and believe me I'm not really, but I'm a single mum of 1 14 yr old, and I've been on my own quite a while out of choice. I work at a school and one of the teachers is absolutely lovely and we get on so well. We have been out together a few times as friends and he has met my son who has special needs and is amazing with him. This guy and I just have such a laugh and I am physically attracted to him and he has made his feeling clear that he is falling for me.
The issue I have is he is around 5ft5 and very 'petite' frame. I am a tall woman, I'm almost 5ft11 and although I'm also very slim (size 10) I absolutely tower over him and just feel huge. I also weigh in at a stone heavier.
I know this sounds absolutely shallow as hell, and I want to reiterate I usually am not, but after discussing this with some work colleagues, family and friends they mainly said the same thing, we would look ridiculous together, people would stare all the time, I'd never be able to wear heels, my mum even said he'd 'look like my little boy.'
I know it is not the 'social norm' and I realise people would stare and some people would most likely take the p*ss, but I'm really not all that confident as a person and I'm just not sure I'm strong enough for that. He on the other hand seems like he couldn't care less, he tells me he would embrace me wearing heels, he couldn't care less what people thought or said and it's not something he'd even give thought to. But he has been very understanding about my concerns but I know it hurts him, and ultimately would hurt him if I say I cannot continue because of this reason.
I know I am not in a relationship with him yet and I don't owe him anything but it is just so sad because I am also developing feelings for him, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him as he is a lovely man.
Any advice and thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. And also have any of you been in the same boat and how has it gone for you?

Me personally, being a very tall woman(6ft+), I can’t deal with it. I was married to someone shorter for 12 years and it made me feel huge, cumbersome, manly, unattractive

Yeah, a lot of times it isn’t being scornful.
It’s just embarrassing to be a tall woman. You feel ungainly and huge no matter what. Ah to be dainty and small ....

But the man sounds lovely and no one is going to make you feel like a tiny woman but if he makes you feel good, then you’ll quickly get over those feelings and insecurities

OP honestly I think there is a difference between people potentially noticing the physical disparity between you and people caring about it / judging it. Frankly yes, people might 'notice' but you are fretting they would then dwell on it, and think (as your horrible sounding mother has suggested) that it looked ridiculous. I can promise you I am no saint, I can be as judgemental as the 'best' of them but I can hand on heart say I wouldn't give this a second thought. I would probably literally see you together and mentally note that you were taller and then move on. I promise I would be much more likely to remember if you were well suited, if you laughed together, if you were good fun etc.

So i really think you should stop worrying what people will 'think'. They won't think. They'll just notice, and then move on with life.

Does that help put perspective on it?

It's a very good showing of his character if he can take you telling him this and not tell you to do one really. If this was a man saying he wasn't sure if he could continue pursuing a relationship because he was a bean pole and the woman was very overweight he'd be absolutely ripped apart. So to do this when it's about something he can't even help and has probably faced real insecurity and even bullying over and tell him you might not continue because of it is just not on. You could have made your decision and let him down gently but now if you don't go on with a relationship he'll have one more person, someone he obviously has real feelings for, to add to all the other people who used this to hurt him.

If this really is the only reason it really doesn't seem worth losing him over. If you care about him or want him that much and it might go further then you'd probably find the confidence to get on. If someone was to make a comment about your son you'd presumably say something. So perhaps you'd find yourself caring about him so much that you would just want to make sure he wasn't hurt by the occasional bullying comment, which would probably not often come and even less likely to your face, rather than being uncomfortable for yourself.

Well, if you don't fancy him, you don't fancy him.

It actually sounds as if he has so much going for him that it cancels out the one supposed negative (height) and also if you've been single for so long, you don't exactly have men falling over themselves to date you (unless you are incredibly fussy). Sorry to be blunt.

Does your height and size 10 figure make you think you are superior to him appearance wise?

He honestly sounds ideal, but don't date the poor man because he has a good job, etc and you don't really fancy him! Just tell him no, and let him go.

If you really feel strongly about it, let him go. But I do know one couple of a similar height and weight difference and they seem to have a wonderful spark. But you only have to visit the dating thread to see how hard it is to find someone decent! I would see how things go with him personally.