Man I have feelings for so much smaller than me- advice needed

[dollypollywolly]

Hi everyone.

I know this sounds incredibly shallow and believe me I'm not really, but I'm a single mum of 1 14 yr old, and I've been on my own quite a while out of choice. I work at a school and one of the teachers is absolutely lovely and we get on so well. We have been out together a few times as friends and he has met my son who has special needs and is amazing with him. This guy and I just have such a laugh and I am physically attracted to him and he has made his feeling clear that he is falling for me.
The issue I have is he is around 5ft5 and very 'petite' frame. I am a tall woman, I'm almost 5ft11 and although I'm also very slim (size 10) I absolutely tower over him and just feel huge. I also weigh in at a stone heavier.
I know this sounds absolutely shallow as hell, and I want to reiterate I usually am not, but after discussing this with some work colleagues, family and friends they mainly said the same thing, we would look ridiculous together, people would stare all the time, I'd never be able to wear heels, my mum even said he'd 'look like my little boy.'
I know it is not the 'social norm' and I realise people would stare and some people would most likely take the p*ss, but I'm really not all that confident as a person and I'm just not sure I'm strong enough for that. He on the other hand seems like he couldn't care less, he tells me he would embrace me wearing heels, he couldn't care less what people thought or said and it's not something he'd even give thought to. But he has been very understanding about my concerns but I know it hurts him, and ultimately would hurt him if I say I cannot continue because of this reason.
I know I am not in a relationship with him yet and I don't owe him anything but it is just so sad because I am also developing feelings for him, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him as he is a lovely man.
Any advice and thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. And also have any of you been in the same boat and how has it gone for you?

@Hopeisnotastrategy

OP, if you hang around on MN you will know many low grade men there are out there. ☹️ This one sounds like he has potential?

The other thing I would say to you is to remind you that as we get older we generally care less and less about what other people think about us. It would be shame if in later life you found yourself alone and wondering what if? Just a thought, but please don't let the ignorant and the rude steer your important life choices.

Thankyou that is lovely 😊

Well go for it then...we all have our preferences. I prefer tall men, but each to their own 🤷‍♀️

If I saw you walking down the street, I’d think ‘She’s tall, he’s short.’’

Then I’d move on with my life, which I’m pretty sure most people will.

I’m 5’6.5 and a “bigger woman” and I’m seeing someone who is my height but slight, about 50lbs less than me.

It really has been an issue for me, because everything about me is bigger than him - my head, my hands , my feet even my shoulders. I feel large, cumbersome, and manly next to him. I know if he was bigger, not necessarily taller I would be okay with it. I’m usually attracted to men that are about my height but they are usually heavier than me so this has been a struggle.

However if I felt my partner was “beautiful inside and out” (he’s an arse mostly) like you describe your friend then I would have absolutely NO problem being with him. I think personality far outweighs a few inches height difference!

I wouldn’t let go of a good thing due to height indifferences. My husband is a lot taller than me, it doesn’t both me to be honest. It’s unfair to end what could be a wonderful thing based on your physical appearances. If people stare/comment it’s their problem, as long as you’re happy, nothing else matters!

oK, not read thread, but finding someone you really like, is a good egg adn who likes you is a bit of gold mine. I would not be letting something like that put me off.

It might feel a bit odd at first, new things do. You'll get over it. And life has really, really taught me not to make important decisions about my own life based on what other people may think. I will just be a passing thought to them - fucking over my life for someone else's passing thought is madness.

I found the love of my life 5 years ago in my 50s. I am 6 feet, he is 5 feet 7.
I am 12 stone 7...he is 2 stones lighter. ( mine is muscle 😀)
I am happier with him than my 6 feet tall ex who was basically an arse.
Don't even give other people's views consideration. Many still have outdated ideas about women needing to be protected, and look like princesses

My mum towers over my dad (apparently he looked like Elvis back in the day and she was smitten at first sight). They’ve been married for 54 years not and neither of them have ever given a shiny shite about height. They’re still mad about each other. You’ve found a good man you fancy and who makes you laugh (and who sounds as tolerant as hell). FFS grab him - that’s a rare combination!

@dollypollywolly

I know a couple of couples with taller women shorter men. For one couple A it works well, the other B she never looks comfortable, and they don't look as happy.

My advice is make sure you don't hunch your shoulders and look unconfident. That looks like you're embarrassed to be with him.
Stand tall and proud - because he certainly sounds a great guy and good fun to be with. Your confidence in yourselves will reflect that you make a great couple.

Op if you like him and you're good together then please don't throw away what could be the most amazing relationship because of what other people might think. Who actually cares?

I'm tall (5'10), several of my ex's have been shorter than me and it made not a jot of difference to either of us. One of them came up to my shoulder when I was in heels and I don't think one person ever passed comment (not to my face, anyway) about it. My DP is 6'3 but I still have a "thing" for shorter men I think, I fancy both the twins from Selling Sunset for a start 😂

Are you allowed relationships with your son's teachers?

Message him and ask him on a date! X

Op, I think you need to stop worrying about other people also.

The bottom line is you fancy him. Personally I couldn’t be with someone who is very much smaller than me, I would feel really uncomfortable bending down to kiss them or the physicality of it doesn’t appeal to me. So I have simply never found I actually fancied a man who is much more petite than me. I wouldn’t care what others thought if I did fancy them, I simply do not have that physical reaction to men who are much smaller than me.

But you’re th opposite, Because you do fancy him, you’re just worried about being judged. That should not be a reason to stop you.

Yes, give him a chance if you like him.

In reality, most people wouldn't give you two more than a passing glance. Most people are mainly concerned about themselves to notice much about others.

@Giningit I too have lost count of how many short men have said that to me in a bid to ‘woo’ me. My response is always that it’s absolutely not true and yes size does matter. 😂

It’s about me and how it makes ME feel, not them. There’s plenty of non-Amazonian women out there for them to go for. When you’ve spent your entire life having abuse shouted at you by random strangers, people you’ve just met at parties, and even your own mother, and you’ve remembered every single word of it, then you can come back with an opinion on being the ‘big girl’ and how it affects relationships. I’m lucky that I’m extremely confident because anyone shy would’ve crumbled years ago. Being the taller one in a relationship makes me feel unattractive and unsexy. It’s got nothing to do with what the man looks like really.

I understand the insecurity about being taller I'm only 5ft 8" but was about 5ft 6 at 13 so taller than most of the boys who having seen my nephew and friends kids seem to shot up at 15-17. I always felt gawky next to the petite girls all the boys liked but honestly looking at the photos of 16 year old me I was gorgeous.

Life is to short to not go for this relationship if it doesn't work it the world won't end but it sounds like it could so go for it op.

My MIL sounds similar to your mum my husband has practiced ways to shut her down and I have to say he is happier for it. Have a stock answer for if she comments about his height, like no on else thinks it's weird it's just you or the crude version yes he's small but the sex is amazing.

Good luck OP 😁

So not as issue, even less so as he doesn’t care. My best friend is married to a man who’s around an inch shorter than her and on their wedding day she must have towered over him in sky high heels as she had a pair of properly gorgeous Choos that had 4inch heels. I don’t remember noticing that at all, only noticed how happy they were.

A couple I know consist of a woman who is a professional model of 6'2" and her husband, a dorky guy of about 5'5". No, he's not rich or older. They're madly in love and wouldn't give that up because of what a gawping idiot might think. She's so stunning people probably don't notice him when they see her anyway.

@StormBaby Why do short men do that? So embarrassing 😂. I’m just not attracted to them. Again, just a preference. Plenty of other women for them to go at.

I'm 5ft 9 but have dated a few ladies 5' 11 and 6ft. My girlfriend of 5 years is 5' 10 over 6ft in heels. Never been a problem and its confidence and kindness that makes a man not his height. I can see how it may be a concern on this shallow superficial world we live in. However just see where this goes. You might be missing a real chance of happiness.

If he’s lovely and makes you happy, and he makes your son happy, then sod the rest and go for it!

Three of my friends are tall, one 5ft 11, one 5ft 9 and one 6ft 2. All have lovely partners that are shorter than they are, but I’ve never seen or heard anyone make an issue out of it. If you were dating a woman would it bother you? Or is it the old ‘men need to be able to protect their woman’ thing? If you’re happy your family and friends shouldn’t really give two hoots about his height.

OP - this all depends how you feel - whatever anyone else says about not letting it bother you. I’m also tall and slim but also felt big, heavy and unfeminine with shorter men. I would only have been able to be with someone who was taller than I was because of how it made me feel to be with someone shorter. I knew rationally that it shouldn’t matter but it mattered to my esteem, and I couldn’t do it.

The fact that he isn’t bothered about the hight difference says a lot about his confidence OP, he sounds great. I’m 5ft 7 and like to wear heels and shorter men I’ve dated in the past have been ‘intimidated’ by my height when I haven’t been bothered about theirs which always made me loose interest. Nothing worse than an insecure short man, he sounds like he has true confidence which in my opinion makes up for the height. An ex boyfriend was the same height as me but actually loved me wearing heels and being taller than him when we was out together he found it sexy. He sounds like he’s really into you so I think you’re crazy to miss that chance based on what others would think.

I've never had an issue with a man's height before. It has been the petite, small build that I decided wasn't going to work for me.

It made me feel huge in comparison and I hated that I weighed more. However that is just me and I'm sure many people will look negatively on me for it.

You have to do what feels right for you