Man I have feelings for so much smaller than me- advice needed

[dollypollywolly]

Hi everyone.

I know this sounds incredibly shallow and believe me I'm not really, but I'm a single mum of 1 14 yr old, and I've been on my own quite a while out of choice. I work at a school and one of the teachers is absolutely lovely and we get on so well. We have been out together a few times as friends and he has met my son who has special needs and is amazing with him. This guy and I just have such a laugh and I am physically attracted to him and he has made his feeling clear that he is falling for me.
The issue I have is he is around 5ft5 and very 'petite' frame. I am a tall woman, I'm almost 5ft11 and although I'm also very slim (size 10) I absolutely tower over him and just feel huge. I also weigh in at a stone heavier.
I know this sounds absolutely shallow as hell, and I want to reiterate I usually am not, but after discussing this with some work colleagues, family and friends they mainly said the same thing, we would look ridiculous together, people would stare all the time, I'd never be able to wear heels, my mum even said he'd 'look like my little boy.'
I know it is not the 'social norm' and I realise people would stare and some people would most likely take the p*ss, but I'm really not all that confident as a person and I'm just not sure I'm strong enough for that. He on the other hand seems like he couldn't care less, he tells me he would embrace me wearing heels, he couldn't care less what people thought or said and it's not something he'd even give thought to. But he has been very understanding about my concerns but I know it hurts him, and ultimately would hurt him if I say I cannot continue because of this reason.
I know I am not in a relationship with him yet and I don't owe him anything but it is just so sad because I am also developing feelings for him, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him as he is a lovely man.
Any advice and thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. And also have any of you been in the same boat and how has it gone for you?

You are shallow. Who cares what people think. Sounds like you’d be lucky to have him. Get over yourself

@OwlOne

I did used to hate on line dating profiles where the first thing the man put down about himself (even though there's a field for that) was TALL.

@dollypollywolly I think as a single parent there is a lot of pressure on us, with more judgemental eyes on us, like, oh there you are, fucking it up AGAIN! And that comment may show that I'm still susceptible to caring what people think but I think a lot of people feel they have the right to have more of an opinion on single parents. I am detaching from people's toxic judgements now. But at the same time, I'm not keen to put myself through public declarations of ''Omg I met this guy!!!'' followed 5 weeks later by ''no. forget that'' and then deal with all the implied criticism that I could have avoided all of this if I'd been WISER.

Oh god I completely get this. It's SO HARD. Hugs x

@Whocutdownthecherrytree

You are shallow. Who cares what people think. Sounds like you’d be lucky to have him. Get over yourself

Ha! Thankyou 😘

@ReneeRol

You are both attracted to each other, he is (by the sounds of it) a very nice man, you get along well together... Don't lose the possibility of a great relationship because you worry about the opinions of shallow people like your mother.

Most people don't think that way.

If you want to be happy you can't spend your life fretting over how some irrelevant person somewhere might think your situation weird and snigger. Don't limit your life like that.

I love this. Thankyou

@Slightlybrwnbanana

I have a ds who is likely to be very short and I really hoped that having the other attributes you mention would make up for his stature in the eyes of potential partners.

Absolutely and I'm sure he is and will be an amazing young man

It works for Bernie Ecclestone

Oh, and I meant to add that in no way did I intend to criticise you as such for worrying about what people think. Many of us have that mindset, not necessarily about relationships but about all sorts of things. I've spent (wasted) years fretting about my own appearance and it's so hard to kick that to the side despite the objective part of your brain telling you that most people won't be looking at you with horror.

I guess what I was trying to do however was to give you some perspective which might help you go forward (hopefully into a long lasting and happy relationship). Finding someone you're both attracted to AND whose personality ticks all your boxes, no red flags, no concerns about trust is such a rarity and so hugely valuable. I kind of imagine putting them on an old fashioned scales where you balance that with your concerns about height, and there's no contest - the person, not how tall they are, would carry far more weight.

@Snog

It works for Bernie Ecclestone

Absolutely! That's actually his daughter but his wife is even taller I believe!

@catsmother

Oh, and I meant to add that in no way did I intend to criticise you as such for worrying about what people think. Many of us have that mindset, not necessarily about relationships but about all sorts of things. I've spent (wasted) years fretting about my own appearance and it's so hard to kick that to the side despite the objective part of your brain telling you that most people won't be looking at you with horror.

I guess what I was trying to do however was to give you some perspective which might help you go forward (hopefully into a long lasting and happy relationship). Finding someone you're both attracted to AND whose personality ticks all your boxes, no red flags, no concerns about trust is such a rarity and so hugely valuable. I kind of imagine putting them on an old fashioned scales where you balance that with your concerns about height, and there's no contest - the person, not how tall they are, would carry far more weight.

You absolutely haven't criticised me what you write is lovely and very insightful, Thankyou. Critics who have been judging of me on here are the exact type of people that make judgements that worry me in the first place if you get what I mean! They just seen angry which is sad!

It’s only an issue if it’s an issue for you, fuck what anyone else thinks

This. Go for it and practice your comebacks:

'I know but his penis is enormous and he's incredible in bed.'

(A friend of mine uses this one all the time with women because her lovely boyfriend is ugly and she is gorgeous. Nobody ever comes back after that one).

'Ah ha ha you are so right, he is much less attractive than me. Yet I spend every moment we are alone trying to keep his testicles drained of cum and doing absolutely anything he wants in bed. Have you never wondered what he has that you don't?'

(Same friend, to men this time- she has a certain characteristic style doesn't she?)

'Do you know I had people say I shouldn't date my last boyfriend because he was black. I'm afraid I just don't share the same opinions as you and them'.

'Really, that would bother you? Oh I'm so sorry you worry about things like that. Life must be really hard'.

'Hey [your boyfriend's name] come over here and listen to what [dickhead's name] just said, it's hilarious. Go on [dick head] tell [BF] what you just told me.'

'You are right, but nobody is perfect. We can't help who we fall in love with. [Dickhead's partner] complains about your weight/spots/penis size/saggy tits all the time but they still love you for who you are.

I think if you like him so much then why not give it a go? It sounds like you get in really well.

The only other thing I would say is maybe be careful about talking about not being ready for a relationship right now with him as he could misinterpret that as that you will change your mind at some point so he will just keep hanging on waiting for things to turn into a relationship when you may not want one? I think you need to decide whether you want to pursue a relationship or just remain friends.

My Aunty was much taller than my uncle. They were married over 60 years and adored each other their whole married life.

A poster already mentioned disability. Consider if either you or your partner became injured or for some reason visibly disfigured. With half a face missing, would you be lovable? Would he? (If you had a child, would s/he?) You would still be socialising together. So what if people stare? They might, at first, in surprise at something a little unusual. Then. they get used to it. (Good riddance if they don't!)

Children are the greatest, when they see someone disabled, especially another child, and just ask "why are you walking funny?" or similar, and then, having received a simple answer, resume playing.

I don't think you are shallow, I understand where you are coming from. A good friend had a similar issue. She told me she decided to pretend she didn't care about it, and after a while she did not have to pretend and she just stopped caring about it. What matters the most is how you feel about each other and how he makes you feel, it would be a shame to give up what could be a life changing relationship for the (potential) comments of people who either don't know you or don't care about you - because people who care about you or just normal decent people would think nothing of it.

Wow your family and friends sound hideous. If you were my friend/sister/daughter I would be encouraging you to date such a lovely sounding man. Seriously OP fuck what any other shallow fucker might think and for your sake ( not his, because I actually think he’s too good for you) follow your heart and woman the fuck up.

I'm going to go against the grain and say you shouldn't date him, not because of his height but because of how much it bothers you. I think it would overshadow your relationship and end up destroying his confidence in the process. I think it would be kinder to walk away at this point and examine what you really want and if you're ready for a relationship.

Well yes, he is amazing, but you would think twice about dating him though?
(He's 9 so you won't date him anyway but you get what I mean!)

@Slightlybrwnbanana

Well yes, he is amazing, but you would think twice about dating him though? (He's 9 so you won't date him anyway but you get what I mean!)

Yes I get your point. I could say the same about my son with special needs. Us mothers are lionesses

He sounds amazing!

And remember you'll be the same height lying down!

Theres a couple local to me and she's over six foot, he's much shorter and it looks like she's holding a child's hand when you see them walking around. They look blissfully happy and the height difference clearly doesn't matter to them. Go for it OP.

I’m 5’10 and I personally wouldn’t date someone shorter than me but that is just my own preference. I am attracted to tall men. Don’t let anyone decide for you. It doesn’t make you shallow if you’d prefer not to date him. If you are attracted to him and he makes you happy then go for it!

@MissSmiley

He sounds amazing!

And remember you'll be the same height lying down!

🙄. Do you realise how cringey that sounds? This is what short men say and yes I’ve had someone say that to me before!

It works for Bernie Ecclestone because he’s a billionaire!

@Nicolastuffedone

It works for Bernie Ecclestone because he’s a billionaire!

Hmmm even if they were a billionaire it doesn't mean I'd date them if I didn't fancy them.... Bernie is a wrinkly old man, this man however is hot as hell!

OP, if you hang around on MN you will know many low grade men there are out there. ☹️ This one sounds like he has potential?

The other thing I would say to you is to remind you that as we get older we generally care less and less about what other people think about us. It would be shame if in later life you found yourself alone and wondering what if? Just a thought, but please don't let the ignorant and the rude steer your important life choices.