Was my partner in the wrong?

[alesha123445]

This happened only 30minutes ago and I've gone on my phone to vent my upset.

My baby fell off my nans bed a couple weeks ago, we cosleep and I've never had an issue with her even comeing close to falling off. I always make it safe for her with pillows and I'm always watching her with the monitor. At my nans I was feeding her to sleep.. my bladders bad so had to run the toilet because I was peeing myself.. she happened to wake when I left, roll atleast 5 times straight off the side that I didnt protect. It was a mistake and I felt so bad about it, I still do. I asked my partner not to say anything because she always goes on about putting her in the cot and why I shouldn't cosleep, I also didnt want thhe judgment. He agreed not to.

This morning my baby crawled and banged her head, she has two little Mark's on her forehead where a little bit of skin came off, it looks scratched more than banged. I was there with her but I didnt realise she was going to bang her head, I know I'm in the wrong for it.

The mil came in before and asked what happened, I told her she banged her head and my partner came and goes "she doesnt look after her properly" It annoyed me because it's all I do so i said "shut the fuk up" the mil in disgust of me swearing turned her back to me and ignored me. 5mins later after that, be comes back up to moan about all the clothes at the bottom of the stairs (we have had no woordrobe, it's just been built 2 days ago and I just needed to find the time to start sorting through it all as it's a big job with the baby) as he was moaning at me for it, I was explaining why I said fuk off because i really try to be a good mum. He hears and says "she doesnt look after her, let's just say. Shes had some high falls" the mil looked at me disgusted waiting for me to spill the information. I basically said she fell off the bed at my nans, she then goes On about how i should put her in the cot and how it's so dangerous to put her in the bed.. as I knew she would. She then says "in the day time just put her in the cot with her toys to get used to it" my partner goes "put the baby in there now" at this point i was getting really annoyed and started snapping at them both, i felt really on the spot and judged as a mum. The mil could tell i was getting annoyed and stopped but my partner carried on. "I said I dont want to put her in the cot, shes fine cosleeping" he keeps sayingg "put her in the cot now" I kept saying no, just shut up now. I get upset so I go in my phone to try and mask it, he then goes on about how misreble I'm being because I'm on my phone. 5 mins later he picks up a pair of socks and throws it pretty hard hitting my face. It didnt hurt but with how I was already feeling I felt my eyes getting watery and ready to cry, I held it in. He throws a pair at his mum too, he was messing around but in the moment it felt shit. Mil had left to go shop and will be back soon. I just feel a bit upset by how he acted

When she fell off the bed you say you asked your dp not to tell his mum....did you take the baby to hospital to be checked out seeing as you weren’t there and have no idea if she banged her head?

Well I think it sounds like she is making parenting choices without talking to her partner, her choice has ended in an accident but she still wont involve or listen to her partner and to ensure her dominance, she has told him he is not allowed to discuss it with anyone else. And when he did, she was verbally abusive to him.

You cannot leave a baby who can roll alone in your bed. There could be a more serious accident and really think you need to address it before that happens.

OP you need to drop the attitude. Everyone is trying to help keep your baby safe. The risk to her is real. Watching from a baby monitor is not keeping her safe. Your baby is mobile, you must put her in a safe space if she must be left unattended - even 30 seconds. Don’t be pigheaded just because you want her on the bed, put her in the cot.

We understand it only happened once. No one is berating you for that. Like pp have said accidents happen but I don't think you can call it an accident when it inevitably happens again because you refuse to change anything to keep your baby safe.
You watching on a monitor whilst downstairs on the toilet does nothing. It just makes it possible for you to watch the baby fall.
We all make mistakes but your job as a mother is to swallow your pride and do everything you can to stop it happening again and it has such a simple solution.
Not wanting your mil and partner to be right should never trump the safety of your baby.

I'm sorry but YABU if you're leaving a baby on a bed!!

Are you doing this generally? Not just when you went to the toilet? If so your DP is absolutely within his rights to be upset. That baby is as much his as yours and if you are taking unnecessary risks he needs to step in and correct them.

I can understand the appeal of co-sleeping with newborns when breastfeeding but once they are able to roll it needs to stop. You cannot guarantee you will wake up if your baby rolls so put them in a cot, FFS!

Are you very young, OP? Your reaction to your boyfriend airing his concerns and the way you are defending your actions sounds rather immature.

I can't bare to read this thread, all those smug mothers sticking the knife in.

The OP knows she made a mistake and does not need you lot or her partner or her MIL to point it out to her.

For what it's worth, OP, my poor dd suffered loads of accidents at my hands, fortunately I didn't have anyone else to rub my nose in it.

But why is the partner not involved? Thats what worries me.

If I seriously didnt trust my childs parent, Id be supervising and making sure I, personally, was parenting my child properly.

Not watch my baby get injured then complaining to my mum.

If your baby can roll and crawl, she could be off the bed , crawl to top of stairs and crash to the bottom. While you're still wiping your bottom.

There are a few issues that are here..

You keep sayign she is safe on the bed.. now she is rolling she isn't.. .. Even at your Nan's you need to find another way for her to have a nap whenther you take a cot bed, use the pushchair it isn't safe anymore..Taking the monitor is no help if it is downstairs if she wakes up rolls across the bed she is no longer safe.

The bump on the head they all get them but do look at what you can do to reduce the risk.

You aren't a bad mum but what is fine one day is not the next as they develop.

Your DH seems like he has some issues...I think you need to have a conversation with him about the relities of life with a 7 month old..Give him DD whilst you sort the clothes out. He will soon figure out it is bloody hard work.

@alesha123445 I know you feel attacked but please consider that there’s a reason so many posters are saying the same thing.

A monitor is only going to make you see or hear her falling. It won’t protect her from falling.

If you want her to co-sleep then put adequate things in place.

Do you live with your nana? I can’t really figure out your living situation.

But the mess, the falls, the “joking” with your partner - it doesn’t sound great all together.

Don’t feel pressured to put her in a cot but do please put safety measures in place if you’re going to be downstairs.

@Coyoacan

I can't bare to read this thread, all those smug mothers sticking the knife in.

The OP knows she made a mistake and does not need you lot or her partner or her MIL to point it out to her.

For what it's worth, OP, my poor dd suffered loads of accidents at my hands, fortunately I didn't have anyone else to rub my nose in it.

The issue is that despite OP's DD falling off of the bed once, OP is still leaving her DD on the same bed in the same way which she nips downstairs to the toilet. A baby falling once is perhaps understandable, putting the baby in the same position to hurt herself again is not.

@Coyoacan

I can't bare to read this thread, all those smug mothers sticking the knife in.

The OP knows she made a mistake and does not need you lot or her partner or her MIL to point it out to her.

For what it's worth, OP, my poor dd suffered loads of accidents at my hands, fortunately I didn't have anyone else to rub my nose in it.

No one is sticking the knife in. Accidents happen yes but not being willing to change something which causes the accidents is what people are struggling to understand about the op. If my baby fell off the bed then I'd put her in a cot. If my baby pulled something off a shelf which hit her head I'd move the items from reach. We can't protect from everything but can learn from accidents and mistakes

We've had the occasional bed faller, worse was the ones who could climb out of the cot at 9 months. He shouldnt have been a twat and tried to humiliate you in front of his mum who Im sure dropped him on his head as a baby, go find her mum or DH's dad so they can back her never had an accident claims. Don't lose your confidence over this.

@Coyoacan what a cop out. No one is saying that children don't have accidents, but the OP asked. Giving an honest response and being concerned for the safety of a child is hardly smug and it's a bit concerning that that bothers you more than what actually happened and the OPs attitude to it.

OP asked about her partners behaviour, which appears to have more red flags than communist Russia.

But I doubt she will ever come back, if I was her I certainly wouldnt. I just hope she gets the support she needs

We've had the occasional bed faller, worse was the ones who could climb out of the cot at 9 months. He shouldnt have been a twat and tried to humiliate you in front of his mum who Im sure dropped him on his head as a baby, go find her mum or DH's dad so they can back her never had an accident claims. Don't lose your confidence over this.

Did you put the ones who could climb out back in their cot and make zero changes?

I think the problem is that the OP posted too soon after the event, so the early posts felt like she was being attacked in the same way she had been at home. And therefore reacted badly.

We don't know what the DP has said about this in the past or how OP has reacted. Yelling at her to put DC in the cot NOW doesn't sound a great way of communicating. she doesnt look after her, let's just say. Shes had some high falls - was he at the end of his tether or telling tales to his mum? He said she's had some high falls - she's had one fall from a bed, not off a high table or a wall and the OP called 111. He's not coming out of this well with the sock throwing and moaning about the clothes on the stairs, whatever the rights or wrongs of what happened to the DC.

It sounds to me like there are deeper issues in the relationship, and while the OP doesn't seem to be taking on board what's said, posters are getting harsher and harsher and I think it would be better discussed when there is some distance from what happened.

My baby also rolled off the bed. I didn’t realise he could move that well. My husband had just called me out of the room to ask me something and then it happened within 30 secs of me being next to baby. We both rushed in and were so relieved he was ok. My husband didn’t say a single thing to me blaming me or shaming me. He said, ‘Oh my gosh he was so fast. Poor (baby’s name). WE’LL never leave you like that again.’ He would never use it to comment to his parents and say what a bad mum I am. Your partner is in the wrong totally. It sounds like he is letting you do all the hard work whilst not picking at you as if he could do better. If you don’t like using the cot explain to them both why. Perhaps your partner would like to get up and feed or comfort your child when they wake every hour at night. Perhaps he would like to research and implement sleep training by himself instead, if he gets exhausted from that. Alternatively if he doesn’t want to do these things, he could help you make co-sleeping safe. Take out the bed and put a mattress on the floor with no pillows and just a small blanket for you and sleep sack for baby.

For what it's worth, OP, my poor dd suffered loads of accidents at my hands, fortunately I didn't have anyone else to rub my nose in it.

Fortunately for you maybe. Not so fortunately for your child.

Doesn't sound great from either side. Your partner for pushing your buttons and not supporting you and you for leaving your baby unattended in bed and swearing nastily at your partner. Maybe it is time for the cot since your baby is getting more curious and active

Nimbuscloud just out of intrest, how many children do you have, and how old?

How many accidents have they had? Trips in the plaground? Falls? Bangs? Bumps, grazes, bruises? I dont believe for a second theres a parent on here whos child has never had an accident.

God Mumsnet carries on bullying even when the victim leaves... Mumsnet at its worst.

Find me a kid that hasn't fallen off a bed and I'll give you £100. I was a helicopter parent and it still happened.

Kids bang their heads. It's a shame but that's life.

Your partner is a cunt and his mother seems strange.

If there are other issues, please think about your relationship and whether it's good for you and your child.

This thread really is mumsnet at its fucking worst.

One poster even suggest a mum should piss herself rather than leave a kid alone for a few mins, or, god forbid, with its Dad.

I just hope OP saw the funny side and wasnt too upset by it.