Was my partner in the wrong?

[alesha123445]

This happened only 30minutes ago and I've gone on my phone to vent my upset.

My baby fell off my nans bed a couple weeks ago, we cosleep and I've never had an issue with her even comeing close to falling off. I always make it safe for her with pillows and I'm always watching her with the monitor. At my nans I was feeding her to sleep.. my bladders bad so had to run the toilet because I was peeing myself.. she happened to wake when I left, roll atleast 5 times straight off the side that I didnt protect. It was a mistake and I felt so bad about it, I still do. I asked my partner not to say anything because she always goes on about putting her in the cot and why I shouldn't cosleep, I also didnt want thhe judgment. He agreed not to.

This morning my baby crawled and banged her head, she has two little Mark's on her forehead where a little bit of skin came off, it looks scratched more than banged. I was there with her but I didnt realise she was going to bang her head, I know I'm in the wrong for it.

The mil came in before and asked what happened, I told her she banged her head and my partner came and goes "she doesnt look after her properly" It annoyed me because it's all I do so i said "shut the fuk up" the mil in disgust of me swearing turned her back to me and ignored me. 5mins later after that, be comes back up to moan about all the clothes at the bottom of the stairs (we have had no woordrobe, it's just been built 2 days ago and I just needed to find the time to start sorting through it all as it's a big job with the baby) as he was moaning at me for it, I was explaining why I said fuk off because i really try to be a good mum. He hears and says "she doesnt look after her, let's just say. Shes had some high falls" the mil looked at me disgusted waiting for me to spill the information. I basically said she fell off the bed at my nans, she then goes On about how i should put her in the cot and how it's so dangerous to put her in the bed.. as I knew she would. She then says "in the day time just put her in the cot with her toys to get used to it" my partner goes "put the baby in there now" at this point i was getting really annoyed and started snapping at them both, i felt really on the spot and judged as a mum. The mil could tell i was getting annoyed and stopped but my partner carried on. "I said I dont want to put her in the cot, shes fine cosleeping" he keeps sayingg "put her in the cot now" I kept saying no, just shut up now. I get upset so I go in my phone to try and mask it, he then goes on about how misreble I'm being because I'm on my phone. 5 mins later he picks up a pair of socks and throws it pretty hard hitting my face. It didnt hurt but with how I was already feeling I felt my eyes getting watery and ready to cry, I held it in. He throws a pair at his mum too, he was messing around but in the moment it felt shit. Mil had left to go shop and will be back soon. I just feel a bit upset by how he acted

[Dollyrocket]

Co-sleeping means you are there.

‘Making it safe’ and then leaving to watch from a monitor is NOT co-sleeping and frankly it’s not safe, if you’re just places a load of pillows and blankets etc around the baby. Babies can suffocate in these circumstances, even if rare.

Your OH also sounds very immature and still attached to his mother. However, they are correct about the cot.

[alesha123445]

I dont leave her, I sleep at the time as her. that's why I keep saying it was a mistake to leave her to even go the toilet... it's not that I cant accept advice it's that I'm being completely misunderstood.

[Bluntness100]

Op, all your statements are contradictory.

I never leave her alone, it was that one time, but I go downstairs and put the monitor on.

That’s leaving her alone.

She doesn’t hit herself with toys, it was that one time

So she does hit her self with toys.

Everything you write is “she doesn’t do it except”

The except means she does it.

Do not leave your child on a bed alone. Ever. End of.

[MrsBrunch]

Ok then. We tried.

[Chocolatehobnob9]

Why did you even post on here if you're not willing to listen to advice. Genuinely, if you were a friend of mine I'd be really concerned about your baby. Nobody doubts you're a good mum and you love your child. But it's clear to see you're doing what you want rather than what is safe for your child. Your partner is disrespectful to have spoken to you the way he did. But you're just as bad.

[StitchInTimeSavesNine]

My baby rolled off the bed when I put her on it while I went to the loo. I knew she could roll and I have no idea why I put her there.

I don't know anything about co sleeping as it's not something that appeals to me but instinctively surrounding a baby with a fortress of pillows does not sound like a safe thing to be doing. Can you and your partner have a discussion about the co-sleeping? It seems like you really want to do it and he doesn't. It would probably really help both of you if you listened to each other's points of view.

[rebecca102]

My baby slipped off the bed once and I hadn't even left her. Was just so quick. I was a first time mum and had no idea they could move so fast!! Didn't get hurt but I felt terrible after. You aren't a bad mum, accidents happen. Check our all these amazing parents on this thread.

[StitchInTimeSavesNine]

Why do you need to go and turn the monitor on downstairs if you are both in bed together?

[GreenMeanie]

@alesha123445

Shea never left alone in the bed, it was that one time, thats where I learnt my mistake. If I need to go downstairs for a min I put the monitor on and watch her until I'm back upstairs, that one time I had to run because I had been breastfeeding her to sleep and my bladders been bad ever since birth. I was gone for about 30secs, not 30mins. I know shes safe, I'm not gonna explain it anymore.

Going downstairs and putting the monitor on is leaving her alone in the bed! And very dangerous.

Why are you so against putting her in a safe cot?

[picosandsancerre]

She is never alone on the bed you say and this was the only time but you then say if you need to run downstairs I put the monitor on. So you did leave your DC alone on the bed a lot more than your admitting. She clearly
Isn't a new born if she is able to roll 5 times and fall off an unprotected edge. Your meant to be parents, your OH is concerned that your not placing the baby in a cot when she is left. You tell him to not tell his mum she fell off the bed, your Dc sustains an injury to her head and you minimise that too. My DC have never injured them self on the head with an age appropriate toy. I wouldn't trust you either if you were my partner. Did you take your baby to the doctors after they fell off the bed? As if there as mobile as you say they could have badly injured themselves.

[Alfiemoon1]

I agree with your partner your baby is rolling and crawling and shouldn’t be left on a bed with out you there.

[alesha123445]

I go downstairs because my damn toilet is there 🙄

[SBTLove]

OP
you’ve said you leave her on the bed and watch on the monitor, that’s pointless, all you’ll see is her falling!
Just put her in her cot when she’s awake, why won’t you do that? It’s common sense.
Piles of clothing on the stairs, tell your DP to get that sorted. Do you live with MIL?

[alesha123445]

If I go the toilet I will leave her and put the monitor on, my toilet isnt upstairs. I'm heavily being misunderstood.

[Chocolatehobnob9]

Op. With the greatest of respect. Please grow up. You're endangering your child.

[Suzi888]

Accidents happen, I left mine on the bed and she rolled off and right into the bottom drawer of my glass bedside cabinet. Both me and DH were in the bedroom at the time, but not quick enough to prevent the fall. Ended up in hospital because she had bruising and a nose bleed (she was fine aside from that but we thought her nose was broken).
You are never going to get there quick enough, so need to stop putting baby on the bed.
Is your partner capable of putting the clothes in the wardrobe himself perhaps? That’s what I would’ve said, without the F bomb.
Or could you have done it with MIL there to babysit?
I wouldn’t have been happy with your partner for things he said, I wouldn’t be happy with you for swearing or that all this happened in front of MIL

I’m not sure what your looking for, but I’m surprised you haven’t had a LTB comment yet- unless I’ve missed it!

[GreenMeanie]

@alesha123445

If I go the toilet I will leave her and put the monitor on, my toilet isnt upstairs. I'm heavily being misunderstood.

Your baby can now roll. Things have changed.

[Bluntness100]

Op you’re not being misunderstood.

You go to the loo downstairs and leave your baby alone in the bed.

She could roll off and damage her brain, her back, her neck. You cannot do this. You need to stop. It doesn’t matter if it’s just a minute. That’s all it takes.

[MrsBrunch]

@alesha123445

If I go the toilet I will leave her and put the monitor on, my toilet isnt upstairs. I'm heavily being misunderstood.

Ok, so to be completely clear, you leave your baby alone on the bed and go downstairs with the monitor to use the toilet.

So if you are sat on the toilet having a wee you can actually watch her roll off the bed.

Is that it?

[BlackandGold]

But does the OP actually have a cot for the baby?

[SBTLove]

@alesha123445
Just put her in the cot!!!
You’re not being misunderstood, you’re being stupid.

[SBTLove]

@BlackandGold
Yes, her DP told her to put baby in the cot

[peboh]

@alesha123445

Shea never left alone in the bed, it was that one time, thats where I learnt my mistake. If I need to go downstairs for a min I put the monitor on and watch her until I'm back upstairs, that one time I had to run because I had been breastfeeding her to sleep and my bladders been bad ever since birth. I was gone for about 30secs, not 30mins. I know shes safe, I'm not gonna explain it anymore.

Op. Going downstairs and leaving her with the monitor on is leaving her alone. How are you so silly?!

[Chocolatehobnob9]

Listen to what people are telling you. Other people have been in the room and not been able to get there quick enough when their babies have rolled off the bed. I left my baby girl on the bed whilst I put clothes away in the wardrobe in 30 seconds she rolled three times and fell off the bed. That's when I was in the room with her.

[CovidClara]

Do you have a social worker? Contact your GP, explain the "accidents" and ask for some help.