Was my partner in the wrong?

[alesha123445]

This happened only 30minutes ago and I've gone on my phone to vent my upset.

My baby fell off my nans bed a couple weeks ago, we cosleep and I've never had an issue with her even comeing close to falling off. I always make it safe for her with pillows and I'm always watching her with the monitor. At my nans I was feeding her to sleep.. my bladders bad so had to run the toilet because I was peeing myself.. she happened to wake when I left, roll atleast 5 times straight off the side that I didnt protect. It was a mistake and I felt so bad about it, I still do. I asked my partner not to say anything because she always goes on about putting her in the cot and why I shouldn't cosleep, I also didnt want thhe judgment. He agreed not to.

This morning my baby crawled and banged her head, she has two little Mark's on her forehead where a little bit of skin came off, it looks scratched more than banged. I was there with her but I didnt realise she was going to bang her head, I know I'm in the wrong for it.

The mil came in before and asked what happened, I told her she banged her head and my partner came and goes "she doesnt look after her properly" It annoyed me because it's all I do so i said "shut the fuk up" the mil in disgust of me swearing turned her back to me and ignored me. 5mins later after that, be comes back up to moan about all the clothes at the bottom of the stairs (we have had no woordrobe, it's just been built 2 days ago and I just needed to find the time to start sorting through it all as it's a big job with the baby) as he was moaning at me for it, I was explaining why I said fuk off because i really try to be a good mum. He hears and says "she doesnt look after her, let's just say. Shes had some high falls" the mil looked at me disgusted waiting for me to spill the information. I basically said she fell off the bed at my nans, she then goes On about how i should put her in the cot and how it's so dangerous to put her in the bed.. as I knew she would. She then says "in the day time just put her in the cot with her toys to get used to it" my partner goes "put the baby in there now" at this point i was getting really annoyed and started snapping at them both, i felt really on the spot and judged as a mum. The mil could tell i was getting annoyed and stopped but my partner carried on. "I said I dont want to put her in the cot, shes fine cosleeping" he keeps sayingg "put her in the cot now" I kept saying no, just shut up now. I get upset so I go in my phone to try and mask it, he then goes on about how misreble I'm being because I'm on my phone. 5 mins later he picks up a pair of socks and throws it pretty hard hitting my face. It didnt hurt but with how I was already feeling I felt my eyes getting watery and ready to cry, I held it in. He throws a pair at his mum too, he was messing around but in the moment it felt shit. Mil had left to go shop and will be back soon. I just feel a bit upset by how he acted

When the baby fell off the bed did you take her to A&E?

I've had a shit week, I feel down as it is and i probabaly read to much in to it all, if it was any other week I probabaly would've shrugged it off and I definitely wouldnt if made a post about it. I dont appreciate all these comments about the co sleeping, she is only 7months a half and is barley crawling, she can frag herself but isnt as agile as people are thinking she is. This is my first and I didnt realise she would've of banged her head the way she did this morning, I didnt relise that she would couldve woke up in the 30secs I was gone and roll such a distance off the bed. Since then Ive been placing pillows becide her and use the monitor to see if she wakes while I'm gone. I think I've been heavily misunderstood, some people just wanted to make sure my baby is safe and I understand that but some were just rude. I've reported this thread and hope it gets taken down, I'm not reading anymore comments.

going on to a different floor and watching baby on the monitor is leaving your baby unattended. She can fall and seriously injure herself in seconds. You watching that on a monitor is pointless. If you were my partner I would worry about leaving you alone with the baby. You are stubborn and not prepared to listen to people telling you that you are endangering your baby.

This is really concerning, I just hope luck is on this child’s side.

Accidents happen, I put my un- mobile baby on the duvet on the floor whilst I made the bed she chose that moment to roll for the first time an banged her head on the side of the bed, gave us both a scare. Please stop berating the op. Stuff happens. I think op you need to ensure that it doesn't happen again.
I also think your partner obviously has issues about how you are looking after your child you need to address that now. He should not have thrown the sock at you but he was probably trying to break the atmosphere.

And yes when she fell off the bed I called 111, she was fine and since I've tried my best to never have it happen again. I cant believe people are asking if I have a damn social worker, I look after my kid and I'm a good mum.

Back to the point of the post - your partner should t have made that remark as he’s implying there’s been multiple injuries or accidents, you shouldn’t have told him to fuck off.
Do you live with him and his mum OP?

I don’t think you are being misunderstood. You left them to go downstairs to the toilet your toilet is downstairs. You take your monitor with you so you can watch them. Your partner and mil are suggesting you put your baby in a cot for their safety and you don’t want to so told him to fuck off
Is that the general summary of the situation

You shouldn't be leaving her on a bed surrounded by pillows while you go downstairs. That really isn't safe.
Please consider putting her in a cot, accidents happen and we've all had them with our children. However you'd be foolish to continue with this kind of behaviour.

@Veiaola

Accidents happen, I put my un- mobile baby on the duvet on the floor whilst I made the bed she chose that moment to roll for the first time an banged her head on the side of the bed, gave us both a scare. Please stop berating the op. Stuff happens. I think op you need to ensure that it doesn't happen again. I also think your partner obviously has issues about how you are looking after your child you need to address that now. He should not have thrown the sock at you but he was probably trying to break the atmosphere.

She's saying that she still goes downstairs while the baby is on the bed alone ... surrounded by pillows. She hasn't and isn't learning from the mistake.

Op. Trying your best to never have it happen again is not leaving her alone on the bed. Ever. Even to go to the loo.

Trying your best is not bolstering her with pillows ans shoving the monitor on so you can watch if she rolls and hurts herself.

Everyday she becomes more mobile. Every day the risk increases. It takes seconds. And the injuries could be life limiting and life long.

'This is my first and I didnt realise she would've of banged her head the way she did this morning, I didnt relise that she would couldve woke up in the 30secs I was gone and roll such a distance off the bed.'

That's fine OP, lots of people have said they did the same. But what they didn't do is keep on doing it.

From now on you do know so there is no excuse.

From now on you cannot leave the room, even for the toilet, if that means leaving her alone on the bed.

From now on you cannot put pillows beside her because we have told you that she could roll into them and suffocate.

From now on you need to either put your matress on the floor or put her in a cot.

If you won't do that then you are putting your baby at risk.

Your choice. You are the mum. Be a great mum and make the safe choice for your baby.

You're not being misunderstood Op, you're being disagreed with. If you were posting this saying that it was your partner doing this and swearing at you, you would be told that you are in an abusive relationship.

Having a social worker doesn't mean you aren't a good mother OP. Nobody is saying that you aren't a good mother. You're just not listening to anything.

Last time ill say it, shes fell of the bed ONCE. Despite him saying "falls" she has fell !ONCE!. I only leave her to go the toilet which is downstairs, my partner doesnt have a problem with cosleeping and actually enjoys it, if he had a problem with it I'd consider his wishes but this was the first time hes said anything to me about it.

Again op. She may have fell once and only once. However you continuing to leave her on the bed whilst you go downstairs means that once could easily turn into twice, or three time. How many falls will she need to have for you to realise you cannot leave her on a bed on her own, even when watching her on the monitor?

Why have you had a shit week OP, what's going on to make you feel so down?

Once is enough, don’t leave her again, just pop her in the cot, cmon it’s not difficult.
You like co sleeping but her safety comes first.

It’s not nice to feel banged up on and that’s what you felt when your DP and his DM were discussing this. And it’s how I’m guessing this thread is making you feel? I’ve no doubt at all that you have the very best intentions for your DD.

BUT (sorry, I genuinely want to help) at 7+ months your baby cannot be left unattended for any time at all on a high surface. If your loo is downstairs you have to find a way round this and tbh a cot would be a pretty normal choice here.

Try to calm down and stop feeling attacked and focus on how to keep DD safe. What worked ok for the first months doesn’t work now. That’s not a poor reflection of you, just a normal progression for a baby. Just think how dreadful it would be if she were to fall and be badly injured...unfortunately it would be your fault.

Ganged up, not banged up.

@conduitoffortune

If I had a baby with a partner who allowed them to roll off the bed and then told me to shut the fuck up when I raised it, they would no longer be my partner.

Oh shut the fuck up. I can see the perfect parent police are about.

Just put her on the cot when you go down to the loo and back on your bed when you go back up. I don't see why this is a problem. Then everyone's happy and the baby is safe.

OP, we've all been there. But that's why you need to listen.

It was once because this is when your baby starts being more mobile, so this is the first time. That's why its once; he couldnt move herself like that until now. But now that she can, it wont be once.

A 7 month old old is no longer a small baby; surrounding her with pillows wont stop her rolling over them, under them, pushing them as she rolls. The pillows will just fall off with her. She will still fall. She can break her neck, whack her head, damage her back. Anything.

It's happened once because before this she wasnt as mobile. This is your watershed moment where you need to realise that she now has the ability to do this so she absolutely cannot be placed on a bed, pillows or not, and left. Not even for 30 seconds. It must stop now.

You have a cot. Use it. Co-sleep but if you get out the bed then she goes in the cot. End of.

You can still co sleep. Just keep the cot for putting her in if you need to leave the room. You can pick her back out again when you get back into the room.

It doesn't need to be an either/or situation. I co slept with all my children but they'd start the night in their cot and I would bring them into the bed when they woke for the first feed of the night (or just for comfort when they were older). Co sleeping doesn't mean that they can never go into the cot at all. I used mine as a kind of playpen for ages.

OP, my babies (I had 4) never slept in a cot. Ever.

Have you looked at cot sides to put on your bed? Theyre really cheap and work fine.

Your DP sounds like a dick speaking to you like that in front of his mum, do you live with him or them?