Hope you're all well and thanks for keeping the thread going. Sorry for not being on here until now. The new work has involved a lot of training and emails with a new team and manager, all of whom seem nice. I'm grateful to stay on because it's easier atm.
A few colleagues I was friends with have emailed since the last update as they're doing the same to see how I'm finding it. They're nervous about the work. I responded in kind straightaway. It was good of them and nice to hear from them. We are colleagues first and foremost if nothing else going forward so the least they deserve is a pleasant reply. We'll see what happens but it's a positive.
Midnight - hello and welcome! Thanks a lot for joining the thread and for your well thought out, very and insightful kind post. It is a very useful contribution. So sorry it's happened to you too and you've clearly well thought those situations out. Although sad, you're better off without having anything one sided and really glad you've found others to be kind. People can and do also surprise you in good ways!
Yes, I've known them for at least two years and considered them good friends. True friendships do take years to build. They are all decent and genuine people. Distancing is a way of not being hurt anymore and you're right, even though it doesn't resolve things I haven't said anything when in fairness I could and probably should have. I just didn't want it to look as if I'm needy, a 'moaning Minnie', demanding and asking too much of them when they have their own lives and are finding it tough too. I would have of course provided a ear for them in return. Right again, we are generally bad at communicating in this country and have a stiff upper lip mentality.
On reflection I've decided to take your good advice and from others on here and will start to reach out slowly again by sending the Christmas cards I wrote weeks ago this week. Will message some again before Christmas and mention what you've said about how nice it would be to stay in touch more. I won't carry a petty 'spreadsheet' around but will take a step forward slowly and see how it goes! Nothing to lose and like you said, if people can't or won't step up a little in future then it's let's see what other opportunities there are. Didn't think of that tbh, that many others might be itching to do the same. Good point and about friendships not being able to take off when they feel somebody's distant and therefore not open to that.
You've not minimised anything at all but have got it in a nutshell and have written in a very eloquent and fair way. Thanks so much for taking the time to write that. Anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend and hope you continue to find them.
John - great idea to get those thoughts out of your head and down on paper so you can analyse them. You might find patterns that are of use to you. Great idea and have you thought of joining an online autism group? I admire how you're very positive and proactive, even though you've had many bad experiences. You're very inspiring.
Yes, this year has certainly been a learning curve where we've gone back to basics and had time to reflect on what's going on with us and how we'd like to do things differently. Although not easy, it's good in the long run.
It's tough when politics divide people. I've heard families have been torn apart by that and it's what the government wants. Divide and rule. Shame you've had difficult experiences but you're right, you really don't need that. It'll bring you down.
Your mantra is fair, give people a chance but it's not a licence to take liberties. That's exactly how I feel now after being walked all over until the last few years. Now you're free to look for others who you can find common ground or a better understanding with. Quite right about quality and yes, we just want a little effort in return now and then without having to do all the running. Thanks very much for these intelligent comments.
Acorn - thanks a lot for continuing to post. How's the vertigo? Hope you're feeling better and manage some sleep tonight. Insomnia is horrid and you've ruminated because you're a good person.
This lady has realised what she's lost and may have thought on and had a shock you pulled back. Also because there doesn't seem to be anybody else for her to turn to. It's a shame after such a long and what considered to be at least from your side, a close friendship clearly wasn't but you're right to step back. Otherwise you'll risk being used again and you don't deserve that. You deserve to be friends with those who deserve you. I like that you retain a sense of humour and sound great company and a good friend to have.
Coffee - how nice! Thanks a lot for sharing that. Great to hear some good news. You're working so hard staying positive and making efforts. Hope it works out and you enjoy it, hopefully pick up some nice friends along the way. Nothing to lose by trying. How are you getting on with The Crown?
User - thanks very much. If you're introverted it's understandable you let others make the first move and don't like pushing yourself onto others. We make very loyal friends when people do reach out though because that's being fair.
That's really nice of your friend to keep in touch. That's a good friendship and they clearly care a lot about you. I really hope so, even if you could meet for a socially distanced walk, coffee or even a chat on the phone. It's the thought that counts. Yes, we can only do what we can for now and hope things get easier!