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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Had enough of making all the effort and am going to become a hermit

485 replies

stayanotherday · 18/10/2020 23:01

Hi

I'm a single woman (47) with no family.

I've been in the same job for 17 years, soon to be made redundant. Worked on a very friendly team for years. Worked hard but we all got on and had a laugh. Have also built up what I thought was a circle of good friends over the last 2 - 10 years by joining groups and doing voluntary work because it's wrong to feel lonely and not make efforts. No issues with neighbours but they keep to themselves.

Since lockdown we've been wfh. The office is closing anyway. I've messaged everybody about every 10 - 14 days just to say Hi and check in. I've asked now and then if they'd like to meet up for a (socially distanced!) coffee and if they were free for a chat on the phone which was declined.

I get people have their own lives and I've tried to balance caring enough without constantly demanding or bothering them. I also get it's a hard situation for all of us and everybody's struggling. There's been no arguments or unkindness but they just haven't bothered in return. Thought we were close but am shocked to realise that's not true and the friendship ends at the door.

I left it to see if anybody would get in touch since about a fortnight ago. They haven't. I've decided not to get in touch again. I don't want to be a needy nuisance and can't do anymore. It's not as if I've got nothing else to do as I've been applying for jobs, working, studying, shopping and doing housework.

I'm in a lockdown area so am limited for now but to be honest I've had enough of trying to make friends, ending up making all the effort and can't do it anymore. I hate being completely isolated and that it's come to this but I've been let down too many times in the past and I'm not being a mug anymore. It's knocked the sauce out of me.

The next few months will be interesting. I can work anywhere in the UK and might have to move to follow the work. If that happens I won't look back or bother with people anymore. It will be so hard but at least I'll know where I stand. Society didn't want me and now I don't want its pain anymore. No wonder we're such a lonely society. I don't know why I posted really, just wanted to put it somewhere.

Sorry for the essay and thanks for reading.

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 22/11/2020 02:56

User - insomnia's hell isn't it? Hope you managed some sleep, have had a good day and thanks a lot. You're very open minded too having lived as an expat and moved around. At the very least it shows you what you don't want and at best you learn from and enjoy different things.

Well done for having a go and that sounds a laugh! You can only do what you can with what's around you at the time. Things can go either way and you gave ithe place a chance. You've made the most of those limited opportunities and now it's not working, you've made a wise decision to look for somewhere more suitable.

Yes I am, great memory! At the time of the thread a month ago I was looking at redundant in December. I was applying for jobs and with being in a pandemic decided if I couldn't find a job locally then am prepared to follow the work and go elsewhere. I have no ties and as the contact with people has dwindled, when the work goes there's nothing much to stay for in the long term. Work has now given us the option of staying on for another six months and I accepted.

It's a guaranteed income for another few months and if I move now it's going to be difficult to socialise in an unfamiliar area with the country under restrictions, so thought I'd hang on for now, apply for jobs and look at other areas towards the time and see what comes up.

Snuggy - I agree. If you do things you enjoy whether or not you've made friends there, you've still enjoyed the activity and at least got something out of it. If you make friends, then all the better. You're more likely to meet like minded people too and it'll feel less forced. Hope you can find things you enjoy when restrictions lift. You can't do anymore than that.

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 22/11/2020 03:03

John - that's completely fair. You can't and if you don't enjoy the activity, you've wasted your time that could have been better spent. Pity you've had some bad experiences when you worked very hard and put yourself out there. At least you did everything you could in those circumstances. Not everything fits, it's sometimes try lots of things before you meet 'your people'.

For anybody interested as lockdown continues there's free courses in England aafreecoursesinengland.co.uk/

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 22/11/2020 10:07

Stay “It's a guaranteed income for another few months and if I move now it's going to be difficult to socialise in an unfamiliar area with the country under restrictions, so thought I'd hang on for now, apply for jobs and look at other areas towards the time and see what comes up.”

Makes sense, glad you got an extension.

stayanotherday · 22/11/2020 16:45

Acorn - hope you're okay and are having a good weekend keeping yourself busy. Thanks a lot.

I was just about to apply for another batch of jobs too and looking around for different areas to move to. That's as far as it had got but yes, better to do that and then see what situation the country's in then. We don't know what next week looks like atm let alone the next six months!

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 22/11/2020 17:55

Thanks stay

I’m always happy to be unbusy 😂

But I’m having vertigo and very bored, can’t workout or anything, sooo annoying. Shouldn’t really be looking at a screen Blush

stayanotherday · 22/11/2020 23:01

Acorn - Thanks a lot. I hear you! Glad you've been relaxing but sorry you've got that, how miserable. Hope you've been lying still in a dark room until it passes and you call your GP if it continues. Understand you feeling bored, could you have the TV or radio on in the background quietly? Hope you feel better soon.

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 23/11/2020 09:38

Thanks Stay

Don’t mind me, I’m just moaning! Almost 95% today, thank you.

stayanotherday · 23/11/2020 14:07

Moan away Acorn! So glad you're feeling better and hope you take it easy today so you fully recover. Winter and lockdown are a great excuse to pamper yourself!

OP posts:
JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 23/11/2020 16:21

Stayanotherday

Belated congratulations on your extension! I feel your pain re securing income as a contract researcher myself. It feels good to breathe with respect to having money to live.

Get well soon Acorn. And a hello to other newcomers on this here thread!

PerfidiousAlbion · 23/11/2020 16:43

@Foxinthechickencoop

Aw I’m sorry OP. That sounds really tough.

I just want to put a slightly different slant on it. I’m sociable. Very. I love people and really need to chat and see people daily, it really boosts me.
But... I work, and I am renovating a house, I have small (pre school) children and a husband and older parents who need attention. And I absolutely worry all the time I’m neglecting friendships (I have several who are in your position) and my friends and try to keep on top of it. But I have zero childcare apart from when I’m at work. So any meet ups have to include the children. Which isn’t fun for friends or the kids.
I do get really worried about neglecting these friendships and please believe me, I don’t want to, but have you got any tips on how to make those friends feel valued when I can’t see them practically. I’d love a night out with them or just a glass of wine in the pub or a long walk Or shopping trip etc. But how do I do that with very small children in tow? Plus I’m in bed asleep by 9pm because of children getting up very early.
I do text them regularly and make sure I comment thoughtfully on social media stuff. And I do tell them the above when I speak to them.
But I’m also conscious that I’m a chatterer and it’s been sort of set in my mind that I talk too much and people don’t like to use the phone these days, so again I hesitate to telephone for a chat...

You sound lovely but I agree, your life is full to capacity at the moment. Why not invite your single neglected friends over for Sunday Brunch/ lunch / tea / supper? Local lockdowns/covid rules permitting of course, or invite them out when you go for a day trip?

There’s nothing to say you must meet them on your own. As a single, childless woman, this is the thing I miss the most - the invitations from couples and families. I never see any of my coupled up friends now, only the single ones.

PerfidiousAlbion · 23/11/2020 16:51

OP you sound similar to me. Middle aged, single, child free, moved around a lot for work. It’s tough and you’re right, we do tend to have to do all the running in friendships. Its hard anyway but I think Covid has made it doubly so. I think the best thing you can do is get out there and do lots of interesting stuff - tricky at present, granted - but then you enhance your life and others see that, plus there’s little time for ruminating on being let down. I also agree with the people who've said manage your expectations. Most people become friends with people they see everyday through convenience (a bit like partners) not through any great sense of affinity.

stayanotherday · 24/11/2020 00:09

John - hope you're well and thanks a lot. Your job sounds interesting! Must be hard not knowing where you stand though and hope you can find something more secure if that's what you're looking for. Six months is a long time in a pandemic and it gives a bit more time to look.

Perfidious - pity you've found the same and thanks a lot for your comments. It is hard especially now and you want to stay in touch but without being a nuisance.

I hope you're able to do the same. I already did and still am a bit where possible, working, studying, walking and I visited a lovely bookshop over the weekend in a pleasant village.

Thing is after eight months I've spent all this time on my own. It's been very lonely and a difficult wake up call but I've got used to it. I've lost interest in them in return now and people generally atm.

It's not what I wanted, but it's what sometimes happens when introverts are left to their own devices. In the end, you retreat and make your own company. I've done that before. If they do get in touch again then I'll be polite and go along with it but will be taking a step back and carrying on with my own life regardless. We know we're not anybody's priority or responsibility. Nobody owes us or is there to be all singing all dancing. If I want to do something and there's no company I just get on with it but when you don't even get a short message now and then, there's no more you can do. It's soooo tiring.

I don't think I want to get close to anybody again but will just do interesting and harmless things and be superficial and distant. There's so much out there to enjoy and it's grabbing it while we can.

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 24/11/2020 00:27

On a happier note, went for a nice short walk to get some air before it got dark and bought a few books and dresses online. Must get on with some OU work tomorrow night and start watching The Crown that Coffee kindly suggested.

Hope you've all had a good day.

OP posts:
MidnightColours · 24/11/2020 10:16

Hello @stayanotherday, I've been following this thread on and off, and been promising myself to read it all from the beginning again to make a useful contribution, particularly as your responses to everyone are so empathic and kind...
I think you've said a few times that if people get in touch you will be pleasant/polite but distant. I completely understand the feelings of hurt when people who you thought were friends haven't seemed to care over a long period of time, particularly this year. As you said, it doesn't take much to send a quick text.
It sounded like you had known some of these people for a long period of time, and so I'm wondering if it wouldn't be worth thinking who in that bunch you had real affinities with or felt they would be friends long term, and get in touch proactively again or at least be open to rekindling the friendship if they do get in touch.
It sounds like you've invested in those relationships, friendships take such a long time to establish and I can't help thinking there might be a few in the bunch which are worth salvaging.
I also think that in this country we are very bad at communicating about our feelings, and that extends to friendships. In other cultures, they might have it out or at least be frank, it wouldn't mean the end of the friendship and might even cement it. Here, we tend to tip-toe around and bottle our feelings up, lest we show some vulnerability or -heaven forbid- embarrass ourselves (gross generalisation, of course). In my view it's similar to romantic relationships: if anything you say respectfully is enough to end the relationship, then it wasn't a good one or meant to last anyway.
If they are gooduns in the bunch, I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with them and -I think you would do this very lightly- mention that this year has been hard, that you value the friendship and that you would like to be in touch more often. You said a while ago that you were always cheerful and positive with colleagues, in a way focused on their well-being, and in general people may not realise how important they are to you. Unfortunately, not everyone is as subtle or reflective as you (in fact, very few will be), or take as much care in their relationships. Of course, some people only take and don't give, but you could (should?) cross those off anyway, as they won't add much to your life.
I'm thinking aloud here, stayanotherday, and please don't think that I'm trying to minimise the hurt and put the responsibility on you. I'm a similar age (three years your junior) and situation and I've experienced similar many times, even though I would be called an extrovert. But I've also pleasantly surprised at times, where people showed real interest or kindness when I'd (almost) given up on them.
Certainly for me, one negative turned positive in 2020 is realising that there's no point investing in those relationships that aren't worth investing in, and focus our interest on the ones that are.
If there aren't any in your view, well, isn't that an opportunity to have a fresh start, particularly as many people will be keen to make connections once we can start to go back to normal?
I think it would be a shame to be superficial and distant towards new people. This bit in your latest post really struck me. Absolutely, there's no point investing in people too much until they've proven that they're worth it, but very few friendships start from a distant place.
Stayanotherday, you have a lot to give to potential friends. I'm convinced there are people out there who will be good friends to you in turn. Please don't give up because others haven't been.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 24/11/2020 16:49

I'm getting into journalling - even if its only one sentence it helps get rid of some of the negative aspects of one's internal monologue.

I'm glad though that we have all made some character development this year. I'm setting up weekly weekend Zoom calls as a hangout - might keep them up after lock down. I am realising that life is lighter when there are fewer drains in it. I recently got dumped by someone for not being a good enough trans ally (meaning must agree with everything she things) - I'm a fucking AWESOME ally in that I follow the science as well, but not enough for her - at least the trash sometimes takes itself out.

Quality over quantity. I don't think anyone here is a thirsty person, just that we want some attention now and then without having to ask for it.

AcornAutumn · 24/11/2020 17:35

John “at least the trash sometimes takes itself out.”

Beautifully put!

AcornAutumn · 25/11/2020 09:35

How is everyone today? I had a shitty night’s sleep last night.

Partly because....the friend I mentioned earlier in the thread, the one who said there’d be room for me in her new home, I used to babysit her kids etc, then she phased me out....well, she got in touch.

She sent a long message about how lockdown was making her feel, was I okay...

I just said yes thanks.

And I found myself singing that song “you’re just somebody that I used to know”.

I won’t get back into a friendship with someone whose therapist asked her to go away! I have to resist as it would be easy to get into text chat again.

Coffeepot72 · 25/11/2020 18:39

Someone in our village has organised a walking group, primarily aimed at those of us who are WFH (and might need some fresh air!) but it’s “the more the merrier” - I’m looking forward to that

User158340 · 25/11/2020 18:44

OP, I know where you're coming from.

I'm bad for keeping in touch with people and don't tend to contact first much (insecurity as much as anything). However, when someone makes the effort to get in touch with me and wants to catch up i'll always make the effort.

An old friend who I haven't seen for ages who now works on a different team got in touch months back and said we'll all have to meet up again once this is all over. I said definitely and i'm looking forward to it. Hopefully that'll be sooner rather than lately.

Maybe they'll come around when this shit show subsides.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 25/11/2020 19:10

For me, what hurt the most was losing contact with friends who have fallen down the pro-Brexit anti-immigration rabbit hole.
But before that one of them was someone I lived with and thought we had a close bond, until I saw neither hide nor hair of them after we moved out and complete radio silence when I had a messy breakup and a sick relative. I was polite but distant with them - even more so since it turned out they had been shit-talking me.

Then I got back in contact and it was a lot better - they had grown up and even took my 'reason you suck' speech. But we lost contact for the last time in part due to distance/babies and their increasingly selfish behavior and more right wing goadiness on Facebook.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

stayanotherday · 26/11/2020 02:31

Hope you're all well and thanks for keeping the thread going. Sorry for not being on here until now. The new work has involved a lot of training and emails with a new team and manager, all of whom seem nice. I'm grateful to stay on because it's easier atm.

A few colleagues I was friends with have emailed since the last update as they're doing the same to see how I'm finding it. They're nervous about the work. I responded in kind straightaway. It was good of them and nice to hear from them. We are colleagues first and foremost if nothing else going forward so the least they deserve is a pleasant reply. We'll see what happens but it's a positive.

Midnight - hello and welcome! Thanks a lot for joining the thread and for your well thought out, very and insightful kind post. It is a very useful contribution. So sorry it's happened to you too and you've clearly well thought those situations out. Although sad, you're better off without having anything one sided and really glad you've found others to be kind. People can and do also surprise you in good ways!

Yes, I've known them for at least two years and considered them good friends. True friendships do take years to build. They are all decent and genuine people. Distancing is a way of not being hurt anymore and you're right, even though it doesn't resolve things I haven't said anything when in fairness I could and probably should have. I just didn't want it to look as if I'm needy, a 'moaning Minnie', demanding and asking too much of them when they have their own lives and are finding it tough too. I would have of course provided a ear for them in return. Right again, we are generally bad at communicating in this country and have a stiff upper lip mentality.

On reflection I've decided to take your good advice and from others on here and will start to reach out slowly again by sending the Christmas cards I wrote weeks ago this week. Will message some again before Christmas and mention what you've said about how nice it would be to stay in touch more. I won't carry a petty 'spreadsheet' around but will take a step forward slowly and see how it goes! Nothing to lose and like you said, if people can't or won't step up a little in future then it's let's see what other opportunities there are. Didn't think of that tbh, that many others might be itching to do the same. Good point and about friendships not being able to take off when they feel somebody's distant and therefore not open to that.

You've not minimised anything at all but have got it in a nutshell and have written in a very eloquent and fair way. Thanks so much for taking the time to write that. Anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend and hope you continue to find them.

John - great idea to get those thoughts out of your head and down on paper so you can analyse them. You might find patterns that are of use to you. Great idea and have you thought of joining an online autism group? I admire how you're very positive and proactive, even though you've had many bad experiences. You're very inspiring.

Yes, this year has certainly been a learning curve where we've gone back to basics and had time to reflect on what's going on with us and how we'd like to do things differently. Although not easy, it's good in the long run.

It's tough when politics divide people. I've heard families have been torn apart by that and it's what the government wants. Divide and rule. Shame you've had difficult experiences but you're right, you really don't need that. It'll bring you down.

Your mantra is fair, give people a chance but it's not a licence to take liberties. That's exactly how I feel now after being walked all over until the last few years. Now you're free to look for others who you can find common ground or a better understanding with. Quite right about quality and yes, we just want a little effort in return now and then without having to do all the running. Thanks very much for these intelligent comments.

Acorn - thanks a lot for continuing to post. How's the vertigo? Hope you're feeling better and manage some sleep tonight. Insomnia is horrid and you've ruminated because you're a good person.

This lady has realised what she's lost and may have thought on and had a shock you pulled back. Also because there doesn't seem to be anybody else for her to turn to. It's a shame after such a long and what considered to be at least from your side, a close friendship clearly wasn't but you're right to step back. Otherwise you'll risk being used again and you don't deserve that. You deserve to be friends with those who deserve you. I like that you retain a sense of humour and sound great company and a good friend to have.

Coffee - how nice! Thanks a lot for sharing that. Great to hear some good news. You're working so hard staying positive and making efforts. Hope it works out and you enjoy it, hopefully pick up some nice friends along the way. Nothing to lose by trying. How are you getting on with The Crown?

User - thanks very much. If you're introverted it's understandable you let others make the first move and don't like pushing yourself onto others. We make very loyal friends when people do reach out though because that's being fair.

That's really nice of your friend to keep in touch. That's a good friendship and they clearly care a lot about you. I really hope so, even if you could meet for a socially distanced walk, coffee or even a chat on the phone. It's the thought that counts. Yes, we can only do what we can for now and hope things get easier!

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 26/11/2020 10:44

stay “ Also because there doesn't seem to be anybody else for her to turn to. ”

I think that’s the size of it. She never had friends.

Work sounds madly busy, do you feel odd having new stuff when you know you’re going?

stayanotherday · 26/11/2020 12:00

Acorn - yes. To be blunt this lady has taken your friendship for granted whilst not caring about you in return and getting on with her new exciting life. Now something's happened, she's finding things tough or simply needs company and you're back on the list because there's nobody else.

I've had this in the past and used to put up with it because any company's better than none and if you try enough they'll see what they have in front of them, right? Actually, no. You just get used and picked up and put down again at whim. That's not a friendship and you deserve better. People like this have a shelf life with friends because people see what's going on, wise up and get fed up. When something really goes wrong they'll have nobody. It's very sad but actions have consequences and that's the only way they'll learn.

It's great you pick up on these behaviours. Hope you feel better, slept last night and are concentrating on your health instead.

Yes, it is a bit strange feeling like a new girl at school after all this time and with a few months to go! Thanks for being so king and hope you're getting some rest.

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 26/11/2020 15:32

Stay “ I've had this in the past and used to put up with it because any company's better than none and if you try enough they'll see what they have in front of them, right?”

I don’t find any company better than none. I like being alone. Five years ago, I’d have said I found it hard to keep seeing friends.

But this lady, I met at a party and I just really liked her.

This is probably a bit personal to put here but what the hell. Her mother died and I was as supportive as possible.

Then my father was diagnosed with cancer was obviously fading fast.

I think what might have happened is she didn’t want to offer anywhere near that level of support and is now making approaches because she thinks enough time has passed.

I’m wary of making friends with someone who says “I have no friends” now. Fairly or unfairly, she said it bluntly, we always had weekly trauma because she was upset when she had a therapy session, all the school gate mums hated her, she said....

Anyway. Moving on!

stayanotherday · 26/11/2020 21:36

Acorn - hope I didn't sound too harsh against this lady, it's just you get cheesed off and hardened to it over the years.

It's disappointing when you made a friend with somebody you really got on with, built up a frienship and was really there for her, only for her to disappear in when you could have done with a bit of company and support. Sorry about your dad.

I agree and it could also because the novelty of having moved has worn off coupled with lockdown fatigue. Maybe the new life isn't all it seems and company's thin on the ground. Completely fair to like your own company and be independent. Just as well sometimes, eh?!

OP posts: