Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thank you all so much. It’s so good to hear it from others and I just want an opportunity to see where it goes with Mr Engineer. I have my barriers up and won’t be doing anything hastily but he makes me feel more at ease than anyone I’ve ever been with so although I feel selfish continuing to date him, I really don’t want to let go because of my ex. Other reasons fine. If he doesn’t want to continue fine. But not because of my ex.

I’m so glad people agree. It makes me feel far better.

I have a date Friday. I’ll let you know how it goes

@Awholenewlife123 you are right to keep putting yourself first. You have been upfront with Mr Engineer and he’s still keen-that’s all you need to know.
I have an ex situation too that is escalating and is really affecting how I feel about things with Mr German. My ex has mental health issues which I believe he is using to manipulate things but of course can’t prove this. He is now ‘not in a position’ to take the kids for an unspecified time which means I have no child free time and probably won’t be able to see Mr German
My ex hates the fact I have moved on, is obsessing about the fact that I never gave ‘the new him’ a chance ( despite the fact that the last 5 years of our marriage were me giving him many chances).
He is totally messing up the kids and I’m at my wits end at this stage. I also really resent that he is taking my 2 days a fortnight away from me as I crave that break so much irrespective of whether I’m dating or not.
I told Mr German some of it but I haven’t yet told him that any meet ups in the next few weeks are off...I’m thinking I should just let him go as what’s the point-it’s still early days but we get on so well. Just having a major wobble today and am quite upset about my shitty life atm 😢

@Mayzee
Do you have family who could sit with your kids in the evenings or overnight?
Or friends who could help out?

Covid rules permitting.

New to the thread. Where does the term 'irons' come from? I like it but can't work it out!

@Springfern

New to the thread. Where does the term 'irons' come from? I like it but can't work it out!

Irons in the fire!

mayzee that's absolutely awful. My blood is boiling on your behalf. All the millions of women who have mental health issues and just have to keep on parenting, because there is no alternative. .

My ex has them every other weekend, and it is an absolute lifeline, but a year ago he stopped having them midweek, and it' difficult enough having to schedule my love life into one weekend a fortnight, let alone face the threat of having that weekend taken away! You just feel so powerless, don't you? And that your ability to lead any kind of full, meaningful life is dependent on some utter cunt who doesn't have your best interests at heart.

Two things I would advise: don't over react to your ex's announcement, even though you'd be totally within your moral rights to call him every name under the sun. he could well be trying to wind you up, and if you go grey rock hopefully he'll be having the kids for weekends again soon (nb: I didn't follow this advice myself!)

Also, don't give up- get babysitters if possible, and keep on seeing Mr G. If he's a good, committed one, he may be willing to hang on in there, and maybe even meet your kids when the time is right.

Irons in the fire!

Love it!

@SortingItOut I don’t really have anyone to help overnight esp at the moment as covid guidelines don’t allow anyone into your house. I can leave them alone for a few hours and will probably do that but it’s not the same watching the clock.
@crackofdoom you hit the nail on the head with the powerlessness (and the utter cunt😬😆). He is struggling but it is very calculating too as he can function fine in work and out and about but not with his children he’s just afraid I might have a life I will go grey rock good advice thanks.
I want to drive to a forest and scream🙈

Grrr....went on two dates with Mr Dogs. The only dates I have been on since going back to OLD. First date was dinner - I was early, hung around in the carpark until he arrived (beautiful seaside location) as we had not agreed where to eat so I thought we might move on. He then very gallantly paid for my (very expensive) parking, as well as his own, and we went for dinner. Didn't fancy him, had second date just to make sure, didn't fancy him, end of that.

Except I just got a bloody parking ticket!!! For the time I spent in the carpark waiting for him to arrive. I am so old that I thought that as long as I stayed with the car, I would spot any wardens (yes I know), but of course the camera just clocked me in and out. Damn. £60 if I do it quickly. At least he paid for dinner...

And @Mayzee, I am so sorry your ex is a dick.

Sitting on my hands and not messaging MrCountry

He’s a good replier but I don’t want to get into a big “so you’re arriving at X airport at 11am no now it’s changed now you’re isolating in a hotel now you need to know if you’re seeing family...” kind of discussion (complete with multiple last minute plan changes no doubt )

I’ll try to let him get sorted and contact me when he’s set and knows what he’s doing so I’m not waiting on or expecting one day or another.

Wow matched with a Dean. First time for me but it a no go due to his location

Bumbling along swiping and ignoring. Keeping in touch with a friend from fab just waiting for a coffee date

Old fwb who was seeing someone else would like me to meet up but still fails to answer the question is he still seeing her so not indulging

Feel it's going to be a long winter

Just looking online at waterproof macs for outdoor style socialising to make life/possible dates a bit more bearable (I’m fine with what I got just being covetous and time wasting)

• I’m not materialistic or money orientated, but the things I wouldn’t do for a sleek protected species parka ...

Better than I @Bunkbedpeople I've spent a small fortune this weekend (moving in 2 weeks) and now I'm looking at fridge freezers ... obviously can't buy a small cheap one.

If I had a sleek body I would splash out on a sleek parka!

My current frumpy dumpy grumpy body doesn't deserve it!

Oddly enough I get chatted up fine when I’m dressed in my usual casual stuff. So wanting to overspend is a control thing

overthinking clothes and outfits is easier than thinking about tricky iron situations.

Had a really strange sentimental moment last night when I randomly switched my home workout music to “greatest country music hits”.

Just felt very wistful/romantic/emotional but without any clear direction or particular person 🤔 Like that girlish feeling of wanting to be in love but not sure how to direct it?

Congrats on the new house and fingers crossed move goes smoothly @cravingthelook

@VanGoghsDog the point of these macs is to make everyone look like a goddess. At £200 they’re firmly on the fantasy list for me now tho

Well cut rainwear is rare. Why is it so sodding rare? We live on an island that drizzles for half the bloody year

Hmmm, looking at them they don't look much different to any other parka. They don't look very warm either.

I have soooo many coats, but I still never quite seem to have the right one.

I don't mind a walking date to be honest, at least it's something to do and there's always stuff to look at or talk about.

Those parkas look lovely and tbf I’ve seen a lot more expensive coats out there. So on that basis a bargain .
I also have hundreds of coats but, as I have been trying to move house since I sold in June, everything I own is in a box somewhere. Fingers crossed this is the week!

I was only on Tinder for a short time, but I found the algorhithm that ranks your photos in most appealing order very interesting, in that it chose my "wearing a waterproof jacket with the wind blowing my hair sideways and no makeup in front of a wild moorland river" shot for my profile pic, and put the "actually wearing makeup with blowdried hair" one in about 4th place .

Mr no-he's-still-not-getting-a-nickname-until-I've-met-him-you-know, one-of-the-ones-from-Wales (who I've tentatively arranged to meet on Friday) had all his photos of me deleted somehow, and specifically requested that I send him the wild moorland photo again! (strikingly similar to one he sent me, down to the style of waterproof ).

Is it just the rural SW, or do profiles everywhere heavily feature people outside doing active stuff? I think it might be an age thing, too- in your 40s and 50s I guess people can be divided into two types: those who are keen on exercise, and those who are overweight.

Sorry, read "out of shape" for "overweight"

Heh, well I am 52 and not keen on exercise, but not really out of shape either. I mean, I couldn't run a marathon.

But yes, all bloke profiles are them walking, running, climbing, cycling or covered in mud.

Well, that's if they're not a Dean who takes his photo of himself in bed.....

I absolutely think there are only fitness fanatics or overweight people on there once you hit your 50s. I don't want a fitness fanatic, because I do not do exercise and find it really boring. I also don't want a fat bloke because I'm slim and in good shape and would like someone similar. But they don't seem to exist...

^Sorry, I may have been projecting just a tad with the above post. Used to be overweight, have now got more into exercise (although if you were ever to see me doing running, cycling or doing team sports even now it would be safe to assume that my body's been taken over by some kind of shapeshifting entity). It wasn't really the exercise that made me thinner though, it was quite a lot of rigorous dieting. Perhaps it's true that men are more likely to combat middle aged spread with exercise rather than dieting though??

Someone used the term “hikey-bikey” crew for the really outdoorsy people and I’m sticking with it

I like exercise but I don’t really love the idea of a massive expedition date early on. I exercise for mental Health/relaxation/keeping in shape rather than “a lifestyle”

A lot of my peer group (slightly geeky men in their 30’s) are into REALLY hardcore hillwalking /canoeing/cycling /climbing/camping all that stuff. I got taken up a mountain this summer.

It was ok and completing the challenge was good but I didn’t find it really relaxed me or progressed things emotionally at all.

It’s getting the right gear/keeping pace with the guy...seems too much mental load.

I also find there can be a little bit of “arrogance” with the outdoor type - like they’re “superior” to everyone else who goes to the pub. It’s just a choice of hobby, you’re not bear grylls?