Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm out of shape but working on it so the "hikey-bikey" types put me off

Well, I don't think of "a walk" as a "massive expedition", so we obviously have different ideas of what a walk involves!

I avoid the extreme sports types because I know I would bore them and they'd be too busy being tough mudders, or some shit, to take me out to dinner!

Mr G is mad into cycling and runs 3 or 4 mornings a week none of this was evident on his profile - I’ve ended up with a hikey bikey by stealth 😂😂 he jokingly (I think!) said I could go for a cycle with him. Oh how I laughed
I like walking and yoga - gentle pursuits!

I’m a bit worried that “shared interests” is a hurdle I’ve got to overcome with MrC.

Seems to be “so far so good” with a couple meals out, we both seem to like walks etc. I’m probably a lot more into arts and culture but thats “my thing” and not an essential for a date.

I’d quite like us to do a day trip or a weekend away when he gets back. That will be quite a good test of things.

I’ve found quite a few guys to be very selfish/sexist - they see “time to do interesting things” as time spent with their mates and “boring domestic home time” as time with women they’re dating.

I have weirdly reached level Martin and they all have their tongue stuck out .

Oh god the CRAZEE facial expressions to conceal the fact they’re not actually that good looking to show how fun loving they are

It’s kind of silly guys concealing how they look online because then they just get tonnes of first meets that go nowhere. Plus excluding women who would genuinely be attracted to them as they are.

Tongue stuck out is never a good look. Put your giant pink face slug back in your mouth where it belongs

Regarding sporty types: one of the non reasons Mr Sparky gave for dumping me was that apparently he'd said he was going for a run one day, and I'd said "Ha ha, that just makes me feel like going back to bed" or something

(Other non reasons included: when we first met I didn't want to chat on the phone, although I did when I got to know him better, and he didn't like sex with me while I was having my period, even though I'd told him at the time and he'd wanted to go ahead). Seriously, I know I'm using the emoji too much in this post, but

Jesus, good riddance Mr Sparky!

Yeh I’d like to do some sophisticated analysis but tbh MrSparky just sounds like a dick, good riddance

I think he was a classic example of the "sees himself as a nice guy, yet somehow does highly dickish things" subgenre

There's only one reason a mans tongue should be out of his mouth ...

And what would that be craving, eating Cadbury's Creme Eggs?

(innocent )

@crackofdoom

I think he was a classic example of the "sees himself as a nice guy, yet somehow does highly dickish things" subgenre

Jesus never has a sentence summed up my ex so well! Still following this thread.. I feel I could really do with talking through my relationship with my counsellor but haven't seen her for months and it's not looking likely anytime soon either. Is there any point in being together if it's not going anywhere ie no LT future? Or do you just enjoy the fun whilst it's there?

Phones playing up so just been storing loads of photos in case things don’t pan out well with MrC so I can get myself straight back on the apps.

I can be a bit Miss Havisham and get caught up in thoughts of “the one who got away” .

Plus I genuinely enjoy all that single woman/yoga/staying in stuff so find it hard to “break out of my comfort zone”. But still feel like something is missing?

so as I’ve not been dating for two months and that kind of counts as a break, I’m going to gently get myself straight out there if things don’t pan out.

Good plan @Bunkbedpeople

Well I've just made a date/fab social meet (he's calling it a date) walking up to the castle esplanade (I'm close to Edinburgh) tomorrow evening, he seems nice, we'll see. I might not name him until after tomorrow though

Enjoy craving Edinburgh is beautiful right now it’s a nice setting for a meet

I’ve had fairly ascetic/pleasant enough but not very romantic winters and christmasses for the last few years. Things like studying and meditating and assisting friends with MH issues.

Although I’m happy with the trade- offs in other areas of my life I’m gently yearning for a bit of princessy “dating dating” right now!

Just going out and seeing and doing new things with someone else, do city breaks and all that stuff (happy solo but want a change)

So if MrC is a bit too “stay in with the tv” and non-romantic when he’s back I’m going to be getting out there again 💪🏽🤔

@NoBloodyFighting
Is your counsellor not doing telephone or video sessions?

Forgive me for forgetting, what is your situation? Why isnt it long term?

She is but I don't get anything out of it. A lot of our interactions go from body language, I mask subconsciously so she has to pick up on the subtleties that get lost in zoom. It just makes for quite a frustrating session for both of us. But I'm getting desperate so might try it again.
Been together a year and it's fun/nice/comforting etc but I just don't see him as "forever" - I have been clear about this. But now I'm starting to wonder if this situation is holding us both back from meeting our forever person.
I'm torn because I don't want to call time when there's nothing "wrong" but at what point do you?

@NoBloodyFighting, my last proper ex was a guy I saw for 3 years and I kind of knew most of the way that he wasn't the one but there was too much other stuff going on with my family to find the right time to finish it. As such there was nothing wrong, he just wasn't Mr Right. Are you able to identify what it is that makes you sure he's not the one ? How does he react when this has been said ? If he was the one to walk how do you think you would honestly feel ? On one hand I think there is a lot to be said for having someone in your life at the moment to share things with. It's a testing time for all of us. But if there is a part of you holding back then it's not really the best situation for either of you.

@NoBloodyFighting

Can you stay friends and agree to support each other (but not be physically intimate) and be clear you’re open to meeting others?

Is he feeling the same way? Does he know you’re thinking along these lines?

You might both be thinking exactly the same thing and want a resolution/change of status/agreement to slowly detach , which would make things easier?

I’ve found quite a few guys to be very selfish/sexist - they see “time to do interesting things” as time spent with their mates and “boring domestic home time” as time with women they’re dating.

This is so true. As is the "good guy who's actually a knob" thing. I know a few of those! In fact, I think these two things go together! My ex used to go to the pub on the days he wasn't with me, then with me he'd want to stay on, eat gammon (pretty much the only thing he cooked) and watch TV. But of course, he was a "good guy"!

@VanGoghsDog

What also I’ve found sinister is how many dates seem to want to “train” me to just host/have them over for “cocklodger lite” style relationship

(ie they don’t move in but just drop in for food and sex, whilst telling me about their nights out ) .

I mean they don’t say it outright, but sort of calculating what my living situation is, cancelling or making “meets out” difficult

I don’t ask the guy to organise and pay for a big night out, just things like getting a coffee together and a walk suit me? Plus I’m happy to host in turn - and cook - but it has to be organised as it’s a chore and it’s a burden having guys just “drop in”. By myself I just mumsnet and drink tea

These aren’t thick guys so they know full well what they’re doing - I’ll be put in the role of “dull supportive person servicing their needs”. That’s not a relationship that’s like a servant

Have I missed an update from @Ruralbliss ? just wondering how things are going after the great dates last week ?
@Notcoolmum, how are you doing ? you mentioned recently feeling a bit low with Covid related stuff and having a few text niggles with Mr B?

I'm having a bit of a rubbish few days. Had a good weekend with Mr V and things physically between us were good after a couple of weeks of uncertainties. But his rubbish financial position is catching up with him and it's making me feel unsettled. I am financially stable and I have developed feelings for Mr V for sure but I am worried that his position is going to cause issues going forward.

I never cook for them until they have cooked for me, that keeps them in their box!

No, I've never had a relationship where the guy just drops by for food and sex. Not sure why they've realised this won't work but none have tried it!

Hey @Onesmallstep67 thanks for wondering. No news is no news.

I'm feeling that the comms from MrVW are lacklustre. And I've been here before with Mr Bass when after 8 weeks of dating including sleepovers I asked about his rubbish texting style and the surprise response was 'I've gone off the boil'. Great. I'll just wipe your jiz off my inner thigh and you can tell me all about it...

Not keen to repeat that type of mortification again so now have a gut that senses early just not into me vibes.
I'm either doing to ask him direct via text or see how it pans out.
My urgent impatient nature favours the former.

I reluctantly went back on the apps after a two week absence last night and was super liked by someone who'd hoped I liked them back. His text comms were the opposite of lacklustre. Very keen. Have a phone date tonight and will press for a weekend meet if phone calls doesn't reveal red flags.

Haven't read anyone's updates as dealing with multiple domestic/work situations but hope you are all well in these restricted and inclement times