Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm ok, I've got TV and wine

Worst bit, I just wanted to call Mr Planner after it.

@Bunkbedpeople agree about the weird time. I'm usually really positive but this latest lockdown seems to have plunged me into real uncertainty and I hate it! I think my outlet is a bit of online retail therapy.....

MrCountry finishes work on the other side of the world then they’re isolating locally until Covid tests are complete so it’s a bit with scheduling. Over the next fortnight some time.

Last conversation we had was a bit disconnected - polite but just not really getting each other.

And only back for a month then away again (with the oil industry and world economy on its knees I think he’s grateful for the work).

So I’m not sure if he wants to spend loads of time together or will want to catch up with family and friends or what

I’m going to mentally check out a bit and let him take the lead - respond to his communication with cheerful emoticons and thumbs up signs but not over-engage.

Sorry cravingthelook I had high hopes for you. At least you hadn't had time to get to invested hopefully.

I'm pining for recent ex tonight so will stop swiping. No good can come of it.

I unmatched two tonight.

One I had matched yesterday but when I reread his profile I was in two minds, but he used some booster thing to extend the time so I messaged. Few back and forth when he asks me how I feel about him "being tantric and not vanilla". Yawn. Unmatched.

He also said my profile says I want a relationship and he's not looking for that. Why match with me then twatface?

Other one was more straightforward to be fair, just kelt talking in a very obvious way about "fun", I kept pretending to miss the point and talking about normal things but the second time he mentioned sex (after telling me "I'm surprised you didn't wear sexy clothes on your commute and pick someone up in the train"🙄) I just unmatched him.

Idiots.

Oh god @VanGoghsDog

I can’t even list all the weird pushy sex ones, but I had the Nhs doctor on night shift who wanted to tell me his sexual fantasy story as an introduction - I declined not clapping for him

Like Notcoolmum said earlier I’m open to exploring sexual stuff if we’ve met and established chemistry and a connection.

Or if I was open myself about wanting casual/was happily on a casual sex site I’d be fine with immediately discussing sexual preferences.

But it’s the guys who try to gradually erode boundaries/push dirty talk onto clearly non-consenting women who really fuck me off.

Its not the sex - it’s the not so subtle manipulation that does my head in. I mean we’re old enough to just be pissed off and block but you can imagine them really targeting and having an effect on vulnerable women and that’s

It's just horrible.

I'm sure the second one changed his profile between me swiping and when I got the match and looked at him today - his profile mentions wanting someone good in bed. Obviously I am outstanding, but I'd not usually swipe right on someone who said that!

They seem to think it's a shop where they can just choose what they want and get it.

Hello all - mind if I join in? Have also posted on the fifties thread but as I'm only just nudging into that category........

So good to read other experiences and realise IT'S NOT JUST ME. I have just recovered from licking my wounds from my first Tinder 'relationship' after a toxic marriage and divorce and having been single for 7 years trying to get my life back to some sort of normal.

@Wanttobeonabeach - you sound like where I feel I was until very recently - asking yourself "who was that amazing perfect seeming person, where have they gone?" and from all the copious reading I've been doing the consensus is that if they've treated you cruelly and with utter disdain at the end, it is likely they never were the lovely person and that person was an illusion created to get you to fall for them.

I've had three coffees with new blokes since then, none of whom of any note. But have a date lined up with new iron tomorrow - although still scratching my head about the tiers and whether we can meet. He is promising but I'm trying to keep cool headed and observe the rules in that it's all bullshit until you meet. We have spoken on the phone so that's one thing ruled out - he DOES have a nice voice and is very funny so... let's see. Hand hold may be required over coming weeks!

I really do think that tendency of blokes to want to keep swiping even though they've having a bloody good time with someone amazing (ie. ME) is a fricking nightmare - I'm just not like that. Still hoping it's not the case that every half-decent man on there gets carried away with the 'kid in a sweet job' and can't be trusted!

Walking date today with pasties (guess the location!) and a pint. What to wear?! I’m inclined to go skinny jeans and wellies but it’s a bit damp down here today and my hair is going to fluff 😭. He is a fairly down to earth bloke so I hope he sees through the layers of waterproofs

Hi @freelancedolly and welcome.

Good luck with your date tomorrow...so tricky now with all these tiers.

I'm a little better. It was something someone said that resonated. If he had just said he was looking for casual/ no commitment that would have been fine and I would have had respect. Leading me to believe he wanted a relationship but then not acting like it and making out that's my issue - not good.

@freelancedolly, welcome. Fingers crossed for tomorrow's date.
@Bunkbedpeople, ooh it's getting closer now to Mr Country returning. I imagine you are feeling both excited and a bit nervous. I'm sure you will have a lovely time reconnecting. When is he actually back ?
@Wanttobeonabeach, good to hear that you are feeling a little better. When your mind goes to thinking about him keep reminding yourself of his rubbish behaviour and his manipulation of the situation.
Anyone fancy sharing their thoughts on how to get Mr V fired up this evening so I get some action? ! I can't decide whether I take matters into my own hands and set the mood as much as I can. Or to step back and see what moves he makes ? I really enjoy his company and there are lots of positives about being with him but I know I am going to struggle if our sexual contact tails off.

@Onesmallstep67

Thanks - I’m trying to just be calm and “what will be, will be”. Focus on the overall holistic picture of my life rather than just the meet.

I’ve felt quite lonely/disconnected for a number of reasons over the last few years (some great moments but also things like family issues and workplace bullying)

and although it’s tempting to think of someone I’m dating as the “solution” to it all ultimately I need to do my own thing and a good lover can be the icing on the cake.

For MrV, sorry if this is TMI but (as someone with a lower sex drive who is tired from work a lot of the time) is it worth moving to more non pressurised situations? Like massages/baths/tantric stuff rather than the more “hard performance” stuff.

@Onesmallstep67 my go-to for getting a man ‘fired up’ is so corny: dim lighting, (not too much) food, (not too much) wine, and Santana...

@Onesmallstep67 I’m the direct type so I’d probably make the first move or demand to know if he is ever going to make the first move? Has there been any suggestive texting or even very mild hinting about sex?
Mr Chalet has made very vague sexual references and I have very lightly encouraged him - there was a comment about the weather today being a tad wet and wild and I replied that that might be fun. It’s all very restrained for me but being too direct seemed to scare the bejesus out of Mr Tantric

@Bunkbedpeople, life has a habit of throwing stuff at us. Most of us are just muddling through. You come across in your posts as someone who is pretty resilient and with an upbeat attitude, both great qualities to possess. A lover is a welcome addition but definitely one part of a bigger picture.
In terms of Mr V, good suggestions @TiggerDatter, I think I am going to set the mood but not push too much. Bunkbedpeople there is pretty good intimacy between us, I guess I quite like PIV sex and when it doesn't happen it feels a bit 'incomplete'. I will see what happens tonight and in the morning. I don't want to keep bringing it up, I don't want to turn it into an issue but I do need to be truthful to myself and my needs. I would love to find the real deal with someone. I feel ready after a few rubbish years.

Hi all, I’m hoping few of you remember me I was on here a lot earlier in the year. Mr G and I have just bought a house together and be moving in about a year after we first met on PoF. Strictly I’m still married 🙈 which has its issued. Don’t know how I fell so lucky but I went on one first date after my husband left then met mr g and we’ve been together since (apart from 3 months of COVID)

@Wasail, I have known Mr V almost a year. We have had a few interruptions so only really been properly dating again since June. Sex has happened on average once a week. I'd say I am the one who makes the moves more than him, in every aspect. A lot of that I put down to his personality. My last partner was overbearingly 'the organiser' who took over my life, so Mr V's more laid back approach ( in some things) is fine by me.
I did say a few things last weekend because I was feeling frustrated and he took it all pretty well. I said if he didn't want me and us then he should do us both a favour and let us move on. But he's adamant that he is into me and sees a future. He's quite complex. Maybe a bit self contained and not overly open about expressing his feelings. He doesn't bring out the most playful or open side of my personality. I think that's because I fancy him a lot more than some other lovers I have had. He's good looking and because he keeps a bit back I don't feel like I have the upper hand. I prefer to be the 51% to their 49% .

@Jane1978xx, what a fantastic update. That's wonderful news. Things have certainly worked out perfectly for you. Congratulations.

@Jane1978xx
Congratulations!!
You must think he is the one to buy a house so soon.

How does owning a house affect your divorce?
Have you already sorted financials?

@SortingItOut yes divorce financials are sorted I’m losing a lot of money I took into the Marriage. I’m buying new house in my name alone for now then changing to us both when divorce is finalised🙈

All this COVID lockdown etc have just made us think we don’t want to be alone so have prob moved quickly but I’m sure it’s right

@Jane1978xx
Phew, was slightly worried the ex would go for your new house.
Divorces can be especially crap when either income or savings were not equal.

I think its great you are so certain about him, life can be too short.

I'm only certain that i will live alone (or with my adult kids)!!!

@Onesmallstep67 ah, I didn’t know the background. Thanks for filling me in. I hope it works out and you both get what you want and need from the relationship.

Yes I remember you Jane1978,this is fantastic news. All the best to you both for the future.

Wow @jane1978xx I remember you. I remember you both had a wobble and separated too. Thats a brave move, I'm happy for you.
Mr P and I have done 10 months now.
I helped him move last week and we had our first row. He was quite understandably stressed by the whole thing and we ended up getting snippy with each other.
Weirdly, it's made us closer.
We talked, and communicated and it was an adult conversation.
We are definitely boyfriend and girlfriend now, which feels cringe at 45 but that's what we are.
Things are definitely moving forward, very slowly, I've met a couple of friends, he's met my elder teen daughters.
We see each other 5050 when he doesn't have his children and overall I'm a lot less anxious.
We still haven't said the L word to each other yet but in the last week I've really wanted to. I feel it...