Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Realising only now that early relationship drama and conflict really is a recipe for utterly disaster rather than some sort of indication of 'meant to be' passion hmm.

I blame Jilly Cooper, myself. Modelling terrible examples of relationships to impressionable teens

Oh god @crackofdoom
Wasn’t it Rupert humiliating and sexually harassing Taggie to start things off? But it’s ok because she won his heart

“Girls, you should win over a difficult abusive man with problems to prove your femininity and attractiveness”

I also remember the line “cly-Tory party” being used, probably by Rupert

“ I blame Jilly Cooper, myself. Modelling terrible examples of relationships to impressionable teens”

...all you need to know about love...

This will so be me next month

@bunkbedpeople When my Dad first met my mam he told her he’d got a two week job as crew in the merchant navy. However he ended up being away for a year! He wrote her loads of letters every - all the envelope backs were labelled S.W.A.L.K as was the style. No smoochy emojis then ! They got married on his return and that’s my bit of Mills and Boon for you all.

(It lasted only 10 years or so though)

That’s rather beautiful @HairyArsedMan - something quite old-fashioned and lovely about a proper handwritten letter.

Well that was a great winter warmer. Amazing Curry, wine, film, bonking then all morning chilling, cuddling & brunching.
Early bed for me as I'm being useful and possibly a bit sleep deprived 🙄
No idea when I'll see him again. Hope i can convince my kids to go to their dads soon so he can have a sleepover date at my house. I'm thinking of bribing them with hard cash.

*useless

sounds the perfect date @Ruralbliss

@Ruralbliss
Sounds like heaven.

bunkbedpeople Wow, that chap looks not unlike my Merchant Navy ex! (he was ridiculously straitlaced for someone like me. But (sigh) to see him steering a yacht in a Force 8 gale, being all twinkly and roughhewn and Alpha male....(goes gooey))

Will you be investing in a wind machine for the Big Reunion?

Returning to appalling male behaviour being held up as some kind of ideal in Jilly Cooper, do you remember the bit where Luke thinks Perdita's being bratty, so he forcibly grabs her face and squeezes it to make her look grotesque? Reader, she married him

Lol @crackofdoom MrC is definitely a bit more rough and ready looking (as am I)

I’ve traded in from tassels and a flight helmet with MrMilitary down to scruffy boiler suit guy

But MrC seems to have more shared interests with me - we’ve done yoga together and discussed art and sculpture and have chatted about learning a language together and city culture trips to do. That’s kind of why I’m holding on for him as well.

So I’m optimistic although there’s plenty of room for a disaster (plus as we all know lots of BS/future faking with dating app guys) so let’s wait and see.

Oh god that sounds horrendous with Luke. I just remember the scene with Rupert unpleasantly groping Taggie as she’s serving dinner

Sounds great @Ruralbliss 😁

I'm gathering tradesmen dates on Fab.

So Mr Compliance will help me build furniture on Tuesday night, we'll have food and chat.

I think Mr Engineer is coming to service the boiler on Wednesday.

Just need to find a joiner and electrician 🤣😂🤣

@cravingthelook

😂😂😂👍🏽👍🏽

Woke up to this text. This is from the lying cheating bastard's wife. He said he was single and no children. It was only after the relationship ended that one of his friends got in-contact to say that he couldn't see someone treated the way I was and told me the truth about his at the time girlfriend and child. The lying bastard contacted me in march to apologize and get back together. I confronted him about it and he denied it.
Why is it that I feel like a terrible person even though I didn't know. I haven't responded yet but she needs to know the truth

Oh fuck @Dancerinthemoonlight that's not a great message to have to deal with. What's the backstory here? You had a bf but when you split found out he was married? Bloody yell how are people so wrong and duplicitous? Boggles my brain.

Do you need our help constructing a response to the poor wife of cheating bastard?

@Ruralbliss we met online in October 2018, met in person November 2018 (2 years ago tomorrow) dated until he dumped me in February 2019. Hooked up on each of our birthdays in April and May 2019 and haven't seen him since.
I was talking to another army guy from the same camp in July last year and said it would be weird if met him because of the Ex and he told me that he had a pregnant finance and an 8ish year old boy.
23rd March I get a call from the ex wanting me to isolate with him and get back together. He denies it and that's the last I talk to him.

I feel like a homewrecker but I had no clue. He said he was single. Although that fits with something he once said to me. If you aren't married then you are single.

She is so beautiful. He is such a fucking idiot to cheat on her. I suppose it was easy for him being in different countries at the time. He is evidently an idiot to keep letters I wrote to him and things I gave him.

Wonder what he ever saw in me especially as I was 18+kg heavier when I dated him

Wow @Dancerinthemoonlight that is awful. You’ve done nothing wrong of course, he’s a deceitful toerag. How are you going to respond to that poor woman?

@TiggerDatter I was factual and stuck to the truth. Yes I knew him, yes we dated from November 2018 to End of February 2019. Answered questions she had like of we had sex etc. Apparently I was a girl that was obsessed with him and that he never had anything to do with him.

I have just looked and the bastard still has his profile up on the site we met on and was online on 20th October

I'm feeling a bit insecure after my lockdown support bubble Netflix n chill 3rd sleepover date #5

Thought I'd use this place to bore myself with thoughts so I can clear brain and get back to work.

All I need to ask is 'Do I want to see him for another date?' (Yes)

Does it matter that he doesn't ask any Qs of me? Not really as most likely only a FB thing

Would I care if he never got in touch again and I didn't see him ever again for whatever reason. Yes probably quite a lot but feel like he doesn't impact my actual life/world so could be more straightforward to get over.

I'm the prize despite feeling a bit fat n ugly compared to his previous (professional sporty type) abusive ex.

@Dancerinthemoonlight, that's a really tough and tricky situation. Are you absolutely sure that the person contacting you is his wife/partner? You need to protect yourself here because you have done nothing wrong. I think keeping it factual is best. See what else she asks or how things proceed but also be mindful of your own feelings in this. Don't let it play on your mind too much. Hopefully she has the clarification that she needs. Where do you think she found your number? Is she in a different country and he's still based here ? Is it his number you have had to block but get the notifications for ?

@Ruralbliss, I may be wrong but it seems like you are actually pretty invested in this iron. And absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you are looking out for your needs and not ignoring any niggles. You often write with lots of energy and a semi flippant ( not quite the right word) tone. If I am wide of the mark I apologise but be sure that you are happy with what you are doing and if it has a label, does that label work for you? It sometimes reads that you are going along with it as it is but underneath you are hoping it will morph into something more.

How horrible @Dancerinthemoonlight so sorry to hear!

The guy I text hasn’t replied (I text just after lunch yesterday) so I guess that’s my answer. He hasn’t unmatched me on the dating site though which is weird. I know he doesn’t ‘owe’ me anything but I do think not replying/ghosting is rude after 2 dates