Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

No restrictions on exercise this time so walk away....

Yikes. I’m in a cinema interval, stay strong everyone here not really sure if my face to face interview will go ahead now next week (or worth preparing) though it’s IT based

So are we allowed socially distanced walks still? I'm finding the rules a tad confusing.

So happily jaunted off to meet Mr Yoga but when I was about 10min away, he texted me telling me about his morning and asking what I was up to. So it seems that despite him saying he would be home by x time, he thinks we didn't actually confirm it so he was surprised I was en route. We had a lovely couple of hours but I made my excuses as he was clearly going to be busy with work plus he has autism so I think when everything is in disarray, he can't really focus on anything else. Hopefully we will see each other tomorrow to spend the day together instead. I don't think he understands the childcare etc needs to be sorted in advance and I can't just spontaneously be free!

I'm feeling a bit anxious about things because someone pointed out that I like Mr Yoga so much and she hoped he felt the same. I'm conscious I'm very giving and I am consciously trying to enjoy the moments with him and not run away. But now I'm wondering whether I'm leaving myself wide open to be hurt. I confirm all dates etc because I think he's very last minute plus I think the aspergers plays a big part.

@Eesha yes you are allowed a walk with 1 person outside of your household/bubble.

Presumably any contact is banned! I’m new to all this dating lark and thinking of just parking it until the new year now. Seems pointless.

So a bit of an update from me.

Despite the nightmare last week with my ex, I spent a night with my iron this week. I can’t even try and explain the connection that we have. It’s like nothing I have experienced. It’s incredibly intense when I look at him. I’m still just taking it date by date though and we will see what happens! I can only really see him once a week which is good and with the new lockdown it means even less chance I suppose. I really wasn’t looking for anything more than a bit of fun after my last relationship (it scares me a lot if I think about it too much then when I’m with him that fear disappears) and was more than happy being single so I’m not pushing to rush anything. I’m not actively on the apps not because of him but just because I don’t really have time for anything more. If it doesn’t work out then I think I’ll just take some time to myself and to get my life a little more settled. I’ll keep you posted though

@Awholenewlife123 I’m delighted for you that things are going well with your iron. Enjoy it in the moment and forget the ex while you are with him - that’s what I do :)

I'm still with Mr G, previously known as Mr Farmer. It's been almost 9 months now and I'm very happy with him. We are taking things slowly but spending time with each other's dc and see each other 2-4 times a week usually.

Quick Quiz:

Do I
(a) Tell my iron (4 dates in - last two sleepovers so expect the next to be as I'm his support bubble) I have outpatient gynae 'procedure' on Friday
(b) Not mention it to him. None of his business. Might find it a bit eeeughie.

(a) gives the benefit of testing what his reaction is - sympathetic, offering a lift etc
(b) keeps my independence and mystery

I can always bow out of a planned Saturday sleepover if I'm nit feeling up to it

I'm erring on the (b) option.

@Ruralbliss, I would say option B seems the right choice. If it's a relatively minor procedure I don't think it's necessary to discuss with him. If you don't feel up to seeing him on the Saturday you could give him an explanation then. I personally wouldn't be discussing this kind of thing with someone I had only known a relatively short space of time. But you have a greater insight into the kind of person he is. My ex would have been all over this like a rash because he loved feeling useful. It can cut both ways but for us it became a bit all consuming, constantly involving himself to the point of it feeling rather controlling. Although I can also say that having someone look out for you and care about you is something I rate highly.

Found these cards yesterday during my decluttering. I gave them to my late DH at different times. Not sure what I was trying to tell him haha

I told him. I'm very open and honest so when he called and 'What have you go on this week?' I ended up telling him cos I don't do lying or truth bending. Felt a bit awkward but no biggie. He said I should still come over to be looked after the following day if I was up to it.

@Ruralbliss, that's good. Always best to stick with what feels right for you.
@Mayzee, have you been able to stay in touch with Mr German despite the lockdown?

@Onesmallstep67 we are in touch intermittently by text but I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks 😭 It’s really difficult to keep things going but I am hoping ex will take kids this coming weekend so I can break lockdown and see him 🙈
I think he feels the same and is not seeing anyone else. He has his kids eow and spends a lot of time with them during the week also so is busy but we haven’t had any deep conversations about what we are. I really would like to do that face to face if we ever get to that stage again!

@Mayzee, I am hopeful that you will be able to pick up where you left off.You're living with the same constraints although obviously you have also had to juggle arrangements with your ex. It's definitely a challenging time !

Me (Sat): "I’m taking a polite step back, hopefully for the best."

Me (Sun): "Want to get out for a ride today ?"

and another terrific day follows 🤷‍♂️

Ah @HairyArsedMan I fear you are being messed around a bit - but then again, in these difficult times every terrific day is worth taking perhaps? You’re not letting this thing with Miss T interfere as such with your search for Miss TerrificAndIntoYouFully, so is there any harm in it? Only you can tell of course; in my eyes you deserve somebody as thoughtful and kind as you always show yourself to be.

@TiggerDatter Thank you Yes, exactly that - each terrific day is worth taking and absolutely no harm (and a fair bit of good) came from it. I can hand on heart say that there has been no messing about and my quest continues (very slowly in this climate)

@HairyArsedMan can you really truthfully say that Miss T isn't distracting you from finding someone else?

Ah @Ruralbliss that is so nice he wants to look after you. Sounds like you have found a decent one

@Eesha hope things work out ok. But yes Aspergers can be a challenge as I found out with Mr Maniac (though him being a conceited arse was more the issue)

@Onesmallstep67 PMSL at those cards 😂

@HairyArsedMan sounds like you still have some thinking to do - though on the brink of lockdown I would agree that you have to take every good day you can and enjoy the moment. Which is why I will be going to see Mr Local again tonight 🤷‍♀️ Despite him being pretty constantly on OKC (yet also messaging me way more than is usual for him, often simultaneously). It isn’t as @SortingItOut asked whether I went into it hoping I would change his mind and have a relationship with me. I know how unsuitable he is. I just took his assertion he only wanted one FWB not multiples at face value. And now wonder if it is because he finds me lacking that he’s on the hunt again. But I can’t ask, so ....

I thought I'd found a good Dean ( really his name) who was localish but the more I asked the more I got suspicious. Six kids who he saw eow but then tripped up when I asked who he lived with? Still in the family home but seen a house he was going to view to rent. The more he messaged the more he lied.
Time for a break folks. I'm remembering my end game isn't to just have a partner as I'm ok on my own.

Hope everyone stays strong as they can in these uncertain times.

You've made me think @dancemom - I can't truthfully say that as I've spent a day of every free weekend with Miss T over the last 4 months.

I see such a contrast in the consistency and decency of that time spent together compared to the flakiness, random unmatching, and ghosting I've experienced via dating/ dating sites in that same period. Should I even worry about being distracted until someone steps up with the same or better qualities ?

@HairyArsedMan but would you even see someone in the wings with the qualities you need while you are so focused on Miss T?

also though @HairyArsedMan - you aren't going to meet anyone new on lockdown really and maybe you and Miss T can bubble up together or have a mutal agreement about carrying on seeing each other outdoors and you know she won't be distracted either. So maybe not seeing someone in the wings right at this moment is not a bad thing?

God I can't believe what a bloody waste of space 2020 has been! I've been making the most of the last days, had a date with Mr Ginger on Saturday and again last night, got Mr Golf again tomorrow, someone entirely new for a coffee this evening (just a coffee - I don't see that going anywhere but it is so rare I'm in town these days) and then my usual Tuesday with Mr Local. And then it's all stop! (for the record am not sleeping with anyone but Mr Local and not planning to now!). I'm wondering where exactly Mr Local is planning to meet these OKC sorts after Thursday but again, can't really ask!

I need to be more like you, @crackofdoom and @freelancedolly. I am always either over or under-invested. Never just the right amount!

Actually just bought a copy of Cosmopolitan on my lunch hour (because Rupaul was on the cover and there is an article "Is online dating keeping you single?" (well it's that, Covid or being terminally unloveable in my case!). So if it throws up any gems of wisdom I will share them presently!

@UtterSocks i think perhaps I'd bin MrLocal if he's constantly prowling for others. I can't remember whether you wanted more at all from him but I couldn't multidate.

I ended up seeing Mr Yoga on Sunday and it was blissful as always, a 6hr walk into town plus meeting some of his friends. I had to get home early evening to my kids but we ended up having a 2hr call later nattering away. He wants us to continue seeing each other over lockdown, possibly more long walks! As I get to know his quirks and talk/walk more, I'm feeling much more secure in where things are going. I'm so happy with him.

@HairyArsedMan you know what I think about MissTerrific! She makes you really happy and that's really key. I think you will only be tested if she meets someone else but if you are happy with things as they stand, then that's what's important. I think good relationships come in different forms.