Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well Mr Castle just said I was beautiful as he was doing very nice things to a very naked me.... so I'm taking that.

Best sex Ive had in ages ... total FWB zone but maybe that's a good thing. He was struggling a touch by round 3 ... but we did manage 3 rounds, a walk and an Indian takeaway in 3.5 hours 😁.
I think we'll do it again but I'll wait and see. If not I had a lovely evening of sex just days before I move out of my wee cottage of sexy fun. ... this place has seen some action, my year of lots of fun indeed.

@ruralbliss my tinder isn't doing that. No green blobs here but I have noticed that you can now video call in app. I have never had the you matched with Dean on the 3rd Oct after a message had been sent

Ooooooo @cravingthelook sounds like a heavenly time condensed into 3.5 hours.

I just got a call to action from MrVW an invitation to enjoy another sleepover round at his. I'm game.

Just had a hinge call with a man who turned into such a male shovenistic pig. He told me that when I go and see him that I wouldn't wear makeup. He kept getting annoyed that I told him that no one especially not a man tells me what to do. That I was backing other women, sticking up for myself and asked him if he wanted a medal when he told me about all the workout equipment he has. I couldn't be bothered to be nice and end the conversation nicely so I hung up and un matched him. As it was through hinge I don't have to worry about blocking any numbers

@UtterSocks - just catching up and wanted to add my UGH at that behaviour... and am very glad you got your 'fuck you' response in before blocking from a different number. I really do think some people are on the apps just to waste time and they view the people they are chatting to as mere objects in a game they are playing rather than real people

@youwillbelimitedastonumber - also wanted to add my WTF ref someone feeling the need to tell you they had met someone more to their liking (or anticipated doing so ) - honestly the fuckwits we have to deal with.

My blokey - I suppose I shall have to give him a name - Mr Marketing - has come back with a suggestion that we go to the Canary islands for our next allocated time we can spend together which is in November, for 3 night. He has offered to pay and has suggested a really nice hotel. We were going to hang out more locally (as would be the norm when you've known someone for a few weeks). I do not have any alarm bells ringing and we get on very well and make each other laugh a lot. Is it mad to go? The DC will be at their dad's although I'd have to sort out a bit of extra childcare for pick up/drop off. It's been years since I've had any adventure and I quite fancy it but am also thinking waahhhh what am I meant to do in this situation...? We've had 5 dates so far over 2 weeks, including a night away with v good sex. Argghh.

@Ruralbliss - my Tinder does that on and off - it was what alerted me to the fact that my previous relationship person met through Tinder was in fact NOT completely head over heels with me and meaning all the things he was saying about our future and in fact heavily prominent on Tinder coming up as one of the top profiles in the area for anyone newly signing up (if anyone is in the Canterbury area I'd be interested to know if this is still the case ). However for some reason this function on my Tinder then disappeared - no idea what they're up to.

@cravingthelook - I would concur that sounds like a very productive use of 3.5 hours

@crazycatlady20 - I would want to sort this out - I know it's semantics in a way but I would not like the cancelling FB thing. I'm not really on FB but I do think at a basic level your expectations of what is happening between you appear not to be the same and you need to understand that for both your sake. Pick your moment and have the conversation - be brave - it may be that he is not as committed as you but I think these feelings will not disappear on your part and if it was me my insecurity would just gradually ramp up with me trying ever harder to appear casual (and failing).

@crazycatlady20

Is Mr Big the one who never wanted anything more than FB at the start and you went your seperateways and then came back together gor a proper relationship?

The Facebook thing for me would be neither here nor there but him saying you never discussed being official would cause me some anxiety.

What gave you the impression you were bf/gf/official?

If he is now saying you were never official does this mean he has been seeing other people?
In my mind exclusive and official in a relationship are the same thing.

I think you need to speak to him about it because clearly his idea of what you've got is different to yours and after all this time you should be on the same page.

@crazycatlady20 you thought you were bf/gf but he said there were other things going on? What does that mean. He is seeing other people? Are you ok with that? For me FB is now a prerequisite. It's a shortcut to checking someone is who they say they are. Have a normal life etc. And no wife in the background. Being removed from FB would bother me. What is it he doesn't want you to see. Or is he bothered you might tag or interact with him and he doesn't want that to be seen?

@freelancedolly thank you! Mr Marketing sounds fun. I think if everything else is taken care of then it sounds like a lovely prospect.

I have a new iron but he works in ICU so an additional layer of complication.

@freelancedolly a trip abroad during a pandemic with a man you’ve met 5 times?? Just - why?

@crazycatlady20 I’m sorry but I think Mr Big sounds a bit flaky and disrespectful. Is this an equal relationship? Do you mean as much to him as he does to you? Why do you keep not making a ‘big deal’ of things? You are a big deal and he should know it!

@Misty9 congrats!

@freelancedolly I would trust my gut and do it, but after years of a dull marriage I'm feeling very adventurous these days

I'm in the office today and had 2 calls already ... it's been said that I'm on fire and also that I'm feisty today... amazing what great sex and a fab sleep can do for you.

I remember when you first met Mr biology Misty congratulations and enjoy!
freelancedolly I agree with craving fwiw but everything is a risk at the moment, I suppose you just have to weigh it up in terms of covid and ofc safety as you've not known him long.
crazycat agree with everything sorting said, I don't like the sound of this. Actions and words here are ringing alarm bells, removing the fb link and saying you're not official. My first thought was he is/wants to see others and I'd definitely send the message to clarify this.

thanks to everyone, I'm going to bite the bullet today. @sortingitout yeah that's the one and things are going pretty good tbh, except he is mega busy with work. I'm pretty sure I made it clear when we got back that I wanted to be exclusive so would be upset if he was seeing someone else but dont think he is. I'm not sure if by official he means like announcing it to the world lol. I dunno. can only ask i suppose. I cant even remember why he said we werent. I havent really 'made a big deal of it' as I thought I'd just see how things went and prob get round to discussing it I guess. I am guilty of trying to move things to fast.

my friend met someone end August and they are now 'official' and think it just made me think about it all again.

@freelancedolly a holiday sounds great but even I think that was a bit soon and not sure I'd be up for it in the pandemic. if ur able to wfh if u need to isolate then I'd maybe consider it 😁

I think I might be about to do what we have been moaning about blokes doing to us mid-chat (unceremoniously unmatching and vanishing mid pleasant conversation on the apps)

Went back on the apps during the last couple of days to enforce my ambivalence re MrVW not knowing whether I'd hear from/see him again.

Started a few pleasant enough chats but my initial queries are coming back with no-nos for me (moved away from kids, incompatible music tastes and/or don't drive) PLUS MrVW has proposed a 4th date (second sleepover) so I'm not going to bother continuing conversations with these new individuals. I kind of wish I was cold hearted enough to unmatch but I'll just not bother continuing the dialogue.

Thought I'd just share this insight - might be that those dodgy unmatching types are in the early stages of getting to know someone but half heartedly on the apps to remain cool. As I was/am.

@Ruralbliss i tended to tell existing conversations that I'd met someone and didn't want to multi chat.

Thought I'd just share this insight - might be that those dodgy unmatching types are in the early stages of getting to know someone but half heartedly on the apps to remain cool. As I was/am

Happen you're right rural, but I never understand why people don't just let the convos lapse rather than going to the lengths of unmatching. After all, you might be wanting to pick that conversation up in a month or two! (cynical).

dolly Well, I would be tempted by the offer of a trip to the Canaries too (except I've sworn off flying, but that's my choice. I'd be double tempted by an offer to travel by yacht!!), except that, the way things are looking, how can you be sure that you'll still be able to travel abroad/ won't face quarantine at either end in even, what, a week's time??

cravingthelook Yay for filthy sex, yay!!

I had Mr Double Decker over last night for dinner and filthy sex. I must admit I was pleasantly surprised by him....he'd cleaned up a good bit, and also pitched right in with the washing up while I was cooking. This is a beyond admirable trait in a man, I find. He's actually pretty together, and we have a LOT in common. I'm still not sure he's relationship material. HE's not sure he's relationship material ATM. I don't know if he's sure I'M relationship material.... After an evening of "Wow, haven't we got a lot in common!" type conversation, I think it was good that we had a chat this morning about no expectations, no pressure to overthink or force anything, and just enjoying each other as FWB for the present.

I genuinely am on the fence with the unmatching vs sending a message thing.

I think it’s really down to the individual situation - 100% if you’ve agreed/confirmed a meet and you think the other party has made time and has it in their diary then you HAVE to contact to cancel

but other than that it’s a bit of a grey area?

I try to float the idea of meeting quite soon so it’s “out there” but if I spotted red flags after that (if it looked like they were pushing for an immediate hookup) then I’ve just unmatched to avoid the hassle of a discussion/argument ?

I’d be a bit also if someone sent an elaborate message explaining they wanted to go out with someone else - like TMI from someone I haven’t even met?

Like the whole “meeting face to face to stop seeing someone” thing is a bit weird and old fashioned if you’ve just met online dating briefly.

I assume everyone’s having multiple chats so it’s not going to break their hearts if I disappear and vice Versa.

If I'm still chatting on the app then things haven't moved very far so I'd probably just tail off and then unmatch. If we are on WA and actively talking I'd let them know I had met someone and wanted to see what happened and wish them luck.

@freelancedolly I would totally go away with him. 5 dates - I know people who've married after less!

But I am completely into having adventures and going for it - as long as you can work out the Covid-related issues and any practicals re childcare - and there are definitely no red flags - go for it! What an adventure you could have!

@freelancedolly just read that visitors to canaries may need a negative covid test.

So... I asked. fb he said he done after an argument. I must not have noticed. he said he'll re-friend. Official thing is to be discussed further in person but all is ok apparently. Might push my luck and ask him to tag me in his relationship fb status lol.

I actually do feel like things are ok, not met family or anything yet but I think its still early and hard with covid and his busy work. he said the official thing the other week and just wanted to clear it up really.

I'm the same as @Notcoolmum with regards to unmatch vs message

This "I cannot bear 'lovely lady' or anything else with 'lady' in it. I just find it patronising - I'm not a lady, or ladylike, or anything like that. I'm a woman, I drink and swear and have sex and lots of other stuff that a 'lady' would not be expected to do. And I'll tell an iron that, because if that puts them off we're just not going to get on. See why I don't get many dates??" From @WeWantTheFinestWines

It's not compliments per se it's just meaningless vapid words. Im not a lady. I'm not beautiful or pretty but men do find me attractive, Chatting to someone currently who said I have a strong profile. (As in my face!) My response was , you mean a big nose. His, yes, I love a large hooter. To me that's genuinely complimentary, it's aimed at ME. Not a generic, sleazy, hello ladeeee.
@UtterSocks it's not that you're gullible I just find most men sleazy as.

And yet, up thread, we have outrage at a guy doing pretty much that to someone.

I mean, we are often told to say "met someone else" over "just not for me, thanks", aren't we? To spare people's feeling. Yet when someone does that, or is honest and it's true, we complain about it.

I don't like lovely lady either; reminds me too much of hospital letters. 'I saw this lovely lady in clinic today etc'

Might have a date this afternoon or evening with a really local man. Haven't named him yet. He lives 5 miles up the road. He said if I am free we could do something so its not positive that it will happen