Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks @Onesmallstep67 I will have a google.

Why does this dating thing have to be so hard? 🤷‍♀️

Ok joined fab & getting the hang of it. Do u just delete the ones that r definitely a no or message a quick reply thanks but no thanks? 😊

Just delete, there’s too much going on otherwise

@Whattodonow6322

Thanks *@Onesmallstep67* I will have a google.

Why does this dating thing have to be so hard? 🤷‍♀️

Why does this dating thing have to be so hard - need t shirts printed with that on it!

I’m miserable today. Supposed to be on my child free weekend but of course ex being a knob and not taking them.
Even if he did take them we are on lockdown for 6 weeks - can’t travel beyond 5km so can’t see Mr German.
He has gone quiet probably for the same reason but have a niggle that this thing we have is an awful lot of hassle in his mind for very little return
I haven’t broached anything with him as we haven’t had any conversations about what we are doing where we are at etc. I’ve been driving the contacts more over the last few days but decided after last nights half baked conversation to pull back and see if he makes any effort - nothing so far
I don’t know what to do - am thinking I’ll just leave it or else text and suggest we leave things for the moment until lockdown eases and try to pick things up again in December - Tbh if ex would take kids in a fortnights time I would take the risk and meet up but don’t know how he feels about that.
I don’t like the being in limbo feeling but it’s not like I could go out and meet anyone else and I like him a lot not to try and give it a shot - but the voice in my head is saying he’s not feeling it 😑

@youwillbelimitedastonumber
Generally a date at a man's house which involves drink will usually be for sex.

What you did is fine if thats what you wanted but it sounds like it wasnt.

It doesn't sound like he is much of a catch if date 1 was just coffee and date 2 was just alcohol, even though takeaway was promised.

If you want a relationship then maybe read The Female Dating Strategy on reddit, its about valuing yourself highly and expecting some effort from the man.

Did you not have a chat when you matched anout what you were looking for?

@Focusanddetermination
You came across as really judgemental, whats wrong with a tradesmen or fitness instructor?

Surely if he is good looking (your criteria) it doesnt matter what his job is....

@Whattodonow6322
As others have said come back and ask questions if you need to about Fab.

Fab etiquette says you delete those you arent interested in so its fine to do that.

Remember also that not everyone is single, they might be fab single but not real life single...if you dont mind that ignore me.

Meet for a social first because the rapport you build on messaging might not be there in real life and also you want to get a feel for the person.

You can get pretty much what you want from Fab...from one night stand to long term.

Good luck

Thanks for the advice so far I have just deleted a couple that definitely not interested.

I have learnt from bumble & tinder not to get ahead of myself with the messaging as it isn’t real until it is real!

@Mayzee that sounds tough luckily we r still in the first tier of lockdown so can still meet people. I have learnt though to hold back when things start going to quiet. It is so hard and especially when u have children & sounds like your ex is being a twat.

@SortingItOut we had had a conversation and he was absolutely non pressuring. I’m just annoyed with myself getting caught up so quickly. He’s messaged in exactly the same way since and we’re seeing each other for a meal (out of the house!) and walk on Tuesday. Hopefully we can have another conversation but I do think we might be on the same page about slowing down...

@Focusanddetermination I think it depends on what you are looking for - theare isn’t anything wrong with a good looking tradesman. But if your ambition is a 10/10 professional who is also sane, dependable and child free you may be looking a lot longer. I agree though, men in their 40’s do seem to look their age or a lot older (never younger!). I suspect, from reading this thread, that a lot of them are being generous with the truth in order to keep themselves under the 50 age bracket.

@youwillbelimitedastonumber

Sometimes we have needs that need to be met.....and its easy to get caught in the moment.

Glad you are having a proper date next week.

I'd love to date a tradesman, preferably in the following order: electrician; plumber; decorator!

I'm back, I tried last year with soul destroying bad luck(stood up, ghosted) and thought I'm in a better state of mind now so will try tinder again.

Was supposed to be going on a date last week with Mr Sick note only he messaged to cancel as he was in a&e with suspected broken ribs. He at least carried on messaging until Wednesday. Now nothing, tempted to send a message just to see if he replies.

Then I started chatting to Mr hot computer geek, was supposed to be seeing him today, he cancelled saying he had had some bad family news this morning. He even said I would probably think he is a prick and just one of those people but it was genuine. I haven't heard from him since this morning. Should have realised a guy whose profile included nothing but topless and nude photos would be a waste of time. I did get a photo of him in clothes so I knew what he looked like in clothes too. He reckons he had recently come out of a 13 year relationship and was still living in the house with his ex and their kids. My friend thinks he is a lying cheat who isn't even separated and got caught out. I think he thought I was a sad desperate divorcee who would fall for his sob story and let him have sex straight away.

I sometimes think I'm destined to be single. Back to the swiping tonight.

@VanGoghsDog

Just find the electrician because he'll have friends in the other trades!!

(...insert “carry on” jokes about being good with hands/dirty pipes/finding a spark.....)

(MrC is a bit more tradesman than professional he’s definitely boyfriend material for me so far)

@Isitreally77 I never bothered with topless selfie men. The key really is your ability to let this shit roll off you and 'next!' Straight away. One swipe closer to a good match

@supercali77 I don't usually swipe on them, not sure what made me. He seemed nice and was honest (if he truly is) from the start about coming out of a long term relationship recently and not knowing what he wants. Speaking of the devil he has just messaged to say he is okay and checking i was okay.

I'm struggling to find anyone I like, pickings seem slim at the moment. Maybe I'm being picky but I'd like someone who looks after themselves,goes to the gym etc. as that is what I've really got into this year.

@Isitreally77 a friend of mine said the same. I reckon its the 2nd wave effect? You can't theoretically go to someone's house unless in a bubble, you have to trust the other person isn't in multiple 'bubbles' etc. Folk may have contact or childcare with older parents etc

Just back from an interesting night with Mr Double Decker. All my initial impressions were confirmed, really- FWB rather than boyfriend material. The sex was pretty kinky and wild and great fun, but I suspect he can't even do nice 'n' sweet 'n' boring 'n' vanilla, and I for one certainly can't manage a howling, swinging from the chandeliers setpiece every night!! He was incredibly sweet, attentive and generous (and a bit mad!) , but basically over the last couple of days everything has fallen apart for him- his house purchase has fallen through, he can no longer stay where we met, he can't go back to Wales because lockdown, and he's staying in his van wondering what the hell to do next. I think he's coping pretty well with what life has been throwing at him, given the circumstances, but cutting our weekend short was definitely the right thing to do this time. I think we'll definitely meet again- I feel a great deal of friendly affection and filthy desire for him.

Oh, and re the trades- it appears he can do pretty much everything. I was like "Oh damn, look, my van tyres are a bit flat, I'll have to find a garage on the way home", and he was like, "Not to worry! I've got an air compressor right here!" .

Update following meeting. Lovely grown up afternoon. Cider then coffee. Walk around quaint village to a book shop where I lost him, odd shopping with someone who you've only just met then trying to find them on a book shop with lots of odd rooms! Back to his for coffee! Which is all it was!
A gentleman and then a debrief via text just like first dates do you want to see each other again. Yes please. We got on well and definitely a spark
He also mentioned again that he doesn't want a relationship. So casual for now and he's warming the bed he says

A decent fwb and fun times to come with no commitment. Let's see!

@supercali77 I hadn't thought about that but its probably true.

Just catching up and seen your post about Adam @cravingthelook. I’m in my 50s and a fucking 9 and I would have actually replied to that and flamed him. Bet he is fat and bald with bad teeth! Level Adam is definitely a new low.

@crackofdoom Mr Double Decker sounds fab!