Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

"Something more relaxed/cosy" . This season's Netflix' n' chill?!

Was he better at texting before he'd clinched the deal?

Mr Double Decker appears to have wangled us an absent friend's Air B'n'B for a couple of nights, which sounds just peachy....(I think night #2 is optional, depending on how we get on)

Had a crappy day today. Mr Surgery has gone quiet since I said lunch and a walk sounded good and asked if he was thinking somewhere near me, him or in the middle. I sent the last message so I am just going to leave it be and unmatch if I haven't heard over the weekend.

Confidence is at an all time low in the job department, I'm trying not to take it personally but there are only so many no's you can hear in a day and things are mainly being posted with an hour and half + commute. I'm just trying to remember that it is a rubbish time with the economy and the job market at the moment. That it's not me it's Covid. Hopefully someone will see what I have to offer soon and I won't have to sacrifice actually having a social life for it.

Mr Surgeon not Mr Surgery

Dancer I’m sorry the work situation is so shit. It must be incredibly stressful and frustrating.

Reading the posts about attracting safe and sensible men while being attracted to the sad, bad and mad has struck a cord with me. Mr Chalet is safe, normal and secure and while I like him and we actually have a lot in common and a lot to talk about I just don’t find him attractive, just welcoming.

Is it possible to find a sane, good and happy man (In his 40s/50s) who is insanely sexy and attractive? A RL friend pointed out that it’s probably because I‘m not interested in a LTR right now so I’m finding LTR types unattractive?

In other news I keep accidentally super liking men I intended to reject. Why are they the only ones who actually match and then send the first message?

That Adam character might just as well have written ‘I hate women’ and be done with it!

@Ruralbliss

If i read one more profile telling me what a GSOH they have or how funny they are without actually using that small written opportunity to prove it by, you know, actually writing a few witty words I'm going to throw in the towel and set up my own dating app for non-fuckwits only.

I have an irrational dislike for those that write 'want someone to make me laugh'. I get it; we all want that lightness of heart and joie de vivre that comes from being around someone on our wavelength, but it just says to me 'dance monkey boy dance'.

Agree re the humour stuff.

No one seems to want a quiet, intellectual, politically aware, introverted, slightly serious middle aged woman!

Looking on Bumble I have 6 "conversations" stuck on "your move", but reading their messages there is nothing for me to respond to.

One said he had 9 chicken nuggets for tea ("well done"?), one said "thanks for the match", one said camera phones make him look older (this was after a message where he slagged off a woman he met up with who "didn't look like her photos"), and one is just a boring message about his job which would be fine if it gave me an 'in' to respond to, but it's not even interesting enough for me to care! (He works in a warehouse).

Oh @Dancerinthemoonlight that's tough to remain resilient when getting so many 'No thanks'. Just like OLD you only need one role but I'm guessing it's time that's the pressure as you want to be earning ASAP
Is there an opportunity to do anything temporary in the meantime via recruitment agencies etc. I got some of my best permanent roles by starting as a placement
This may not be relevant in your field with your skills. Just thinking laterally for you.

@VanGoghsDog no I wouldn't be responding to any of those. I require a full interesting witty question filled message to get going.
I liken it to moving through a crowded party of single men. If ones started an engaging convo then great I'd stay to find out more if one said 'Hi' or 'Hi sexy' or 'I had chicken nuggets for tea' I'd be moving swiftly on to another dude who presumably knew that you only get one chance to make a first impression. Stupid LVM numpties not knowing how to Charn intelligent HVW

@Ruralbliss it's more me pressure than time pressure and not that I am sitting around doing nothing but I want to be working and earning. I have broadened my search into different paths but have run out of ideas to wear my skill set would be put to good use.
I'm going to look at temp agencies but there are certain things I can't do because of my disability. I also don't want to be travelling about 2 hours each way but that's where most of the jobs seem to be at the moment but then rent would be high in the area because it would be London.
I need to re-group, try and remain positive and think about other areas I could look into. I know that there are a lot of people in this position especially in the events industry

It’s such a tough time @Dancerinthemoonlight. I echo @Ruralbliss though - my DD has finally got in to a decent role via a temp agency (hoping I do t jinx her!)

@tiggerdatter I am defiantly going to see what roles the local ones have. I am applying for events jobs although they are few and far between, personal assistant, executive assistant and office manager jobs as I have experience in those roles. I am not sure what other roles I would suit but going to do some research to see if there is anything I haven't thought of. As much as I love being able to set my own hours and be my own boss when something like this happens there isn't the stability there.
I know I struggle to sell myself and say why I am amazing because I think I am bosting but in reality it is just saying why I am the best person for the role even when I might not think so and think there are more experienced people out there.

Hi Guys....hope everyone is well.

After pining about for a few weeks and realising nothing is going to change with my ex I rejoined tinder. Got chatting to a guy who has asked to go for a walk.

I'm still feeling pretty lousy about my ex, and my self esteem isn't great because of how he kept cancelling / not making an effort.

Should I go and get myself out?

Go, it might be fun

So after chatting on the phone on Sunday, coffee on Tuesday I went round to my irons house last night for a drink and a takeaway. Feel I may have headed into a foolish situation. There was wine but we never got to food. I didn’t feel pressure from him at all and he’s sent good messages today. We’re meeting up again on Tuesday. But I think I’ve put myself firmly in FWB or FB zone. Slightly kicking myself.

Re going for the mad and bad and seemingly being uninterested in the sane. I hold my hands up. I think it just takes time and yes if you're not looking for or ready for a ltr you can kinda sniff out the ones who are and you just reject them/feel a bit bored. If its of any help I eventually had my fill and found a sane and sexy type. I reckon a year ago I'd have run a mile

Fresh back from a date with Mr Tragic who was pleasant enough but far heavier than his pics showed him to be and not ridiculously tall. We had a pleasant meal then he snogged me in the car park and I discovered his fragrance made me want to hurl...
On a countdown to my flagrant 'come and get drunk & stoned at my house' date with the ever cool MrVW tomorrow evening. Have forgotten what he looks like, what we are like together & how sex works as it's been a while now (June) but assume some wine and sofa based kissing well help remind me....

(I seem to only fancy ridiculously tall blokes which is daft as I'm pretty small. Always have done. Always will do. Average height or shorter guys just don't do it for me)

Can i join?
Haven't dated in years, spent 20s in badly chosen relationships, was pregnant from a short lived relationship just into my 30s, have spent almost all of my 30s raising said child alone and was quite depressed until recently. Haven't been with anyone since I was 31. Haven't gone out more than once or twice a year so don't have female friends to hang out with.
Now I'm kicking at 39, suddenly realise maybe I've left it late but looking for a relationship. Joined Tinder.. yikes.
I have a couple of messages. I'm going to sound shallow here but they aren't lookers. Two seem like they can hold a conversation though, and from reading your messages on here that's a good start?
A lot seem like washed up divorcees, or still married, dads with several kids which I don't really want to get into. Most don't get in touch...

Hiya @Focusanddetermination welcome to this wonderful thread and community.

It's never too late in my opinion to get back out there and all credit to you for dedicating yourself to child rearing. You're young by comparison to many of us!

I would advise not swiping right on people you don't find attractive. It's a tactic that's never worked for me anyway. They've got to have something you like about them to start with.

Good luck & keep us all posted with your progress.

Thanks Rural it's s tricky because I've just found a bit of childcare I didn't have before, not sure if it's enough to actually date properly..
. If anything looking on Tinder has made me feel quite shallow. Some of the bones on there might be lovely but I'm a sucker for a pretty face..
Looks like if I want to date a tradesman or fitness instructor this is the place to be. Or a dad of three who has seen better days.. I'm so judgemental!

Just about to go for a coffee/walk for first meet with a fab 'friend'. Been texting for about a month. He's already told me he doesn't want to use me and not looking for a relationship. So I know the score I suppose. Be interesting to talk properly and see what we both want and need without me being used!
A windy day so not bothered much about hair!!
😜

Hi hope u don’t mind if I ask what is the fab web site please? I have googled but nothing seems to match. I am struggling to find someone half decent on Tinder or Bumble and I have needs. TIA

@Whattodonow6322, try searching 'fab swingers'. You will get lots of messages so be prepared to be swamped as a new person. Others on here have experience of the site so come back if you need some guidance, how to navigate it effectively etc.

*blokes not bones

Is the fab site just for hook ups, one night stands, FWB sort of thing?