Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Argh MrC thinks there might be a delay on return date - has made reassuring noises and suggested calling. Not really sure what to suggest or say to him.

If anyone wants to join me on the “into someone and feel it’s mutual but logistics are causing problems” bench I’m right over here

@Ruralbliss
Definitely not questions for a first date because as you say you might not even like him.

I dont think its you i think its the life stage you are at that means most people come with baggage of some sort, its just unfortunate that some come with jumbo jet sized baggage!!

@Ruralbliss I'd personally be careful with this kind of situation where the man can't see his kids. There is usually one big hole/secret that they are missing out (mine was that my ex was an alcoholic) but despite this, do you really need this level of drama in your life?

I'm still seeing my Mr Yoga, 3 months in, though lockdown has meant we will only be going for socially distanced walks from now on! No more sex, arghhhhhhh. I have purchased what I hope is a sexy looking parka in the meantime off the back of this thread.

Good point @Eesha I will be on red alert for any hints of red flags (if I see him again)

More lessons-learned musings as I continue to brace myself for Mr VW not being interested....

I was thinking 'Ffs. This recruitment (of a permanent lover) campaign sure is taking forever. I've been OLD for 2.5 years!' then had a linked thought which made me realise that of those 2.5 years I chose to hitch my cart to mad, bad and/or sad men which took out a whopping 21 months.
At the time I considered each of these short term dalliances as 'fun' and although I learnt a lot from each I might have been better off binning them at this very first red flag (sometimes revealed in the first date ffs) and cracking on with meeting other potentials.

So. Lesson learned. Binning off early is better. Even if it doesn't feel like it. I will need to remind myself of this.

@Bunkbedpeople I’ll sit on your bench we have gone into a sort of lockdown here so not allowed travel out of my immediate area with fines if you are caught so not worth the risk...added to the ex who won’t take the kids and even when he does being only able to see each other fortnightly at best - logistical nightmare! I will likely next see him in December if we comply with the covid rules 😟

It’s shit isn’t it @Mayzee

Especially as I think we get on well but we’re not an “established official couple”. That bridge hasn’t been crossed (for both of us) . We’ve only met 6 times.

So if he’s just back for 2-3 weeks or stuck out working for another couple months then I’m not sure if it’s a bit premature just waiting on him and if I should (lightly) look to meet others rather than pin my hopes on this one option

Argh

@Ruralbliss you sound like me!!! I have wasted a lot of time on maniacs, players and fuckboys. I told my male BFF that I only attract them and he said “you attract everyone, you just ignore the quiet, sane ones”. And another wise woman from here pointed out the same to me recently. The pushy ones do it for me every time but they are the users.

Re: Mr Enthusiastic - while we don’t know the real story about his access to his kids, what I would say is that Mr Beard also told me the whole sad shitshow of his life, crazy ex, mentally ill child etc ON OUR FIRST DATE. And whenever he had to offload subsequently. So while my heart was bleeding for him and I was straight into rescue mode and flattered and overwhelmed by his need to confide in me, he was basically getting free counselling and a shoulder to cry on and using me for sex. He used me full stop really. I really fell for him and I was just a distraction for him. So now anyone who overshares early doors makes me run a mile. And also - 3 months in and I found out exactly what it was he did to make his ex wife so crazy and he was not the blameless victim he pretended to be. He was actually a self centred bastard.

I really hope your guy is not of this mode - but be a little guarded!

@Eesha I didn’t realise you had a Mr Yoga. I shall have to rename mine so I shall call him Mr Ginger.

This afternoon I am meeting Mr Golf. I shall report back.

Good luck to all of you who have dates today 🤞🤞🤞

@UtterSocks still hold a small glimmer of hope that MrVW is actually one of the quiet normal ones I would usually ignore due to lack of lovebombing mania.
Perhaps he only like to get to know someone in person and not much point texting between times.
My gut is telling me otherwise. There's a certain amount of interest-keeping missing from the dynamics here and I'll eat my hat if he still thinks we're a thing & looking forward to a 3rd Date but with minimal contact.

@Ruralbliss that could be a possibility

Mr Castle was very chatty for the couple of days before we met last night. Since the meet he had been nice and planned next weeks date, but a lot less messaging. I've not heard from him today.

Just back from my Fab date with the returnee from Wales, who now merits his own nickname: Mr Double Decker. Verdict: interesting, but I'm veering towards "potential FWB material", rather than "potential boyfriend material". There's definitely mutual physical attraction, but he seems a bit mad, in that New Age hippy, using too much jargon way. Completion on his house has been slightly delayed it seems (isn't it always!), so he has suggested booking a hotel for a night. I'm well up for that!

bunkbedpeople Aaaargh, the dreaded Covid limbo!! (added to the "away at sea" limbo. Totes understand, have had a relationship with a merchant mariner before. It can pan out well in the end if you enjoy your own space). I was like this over the first lockdown with Mr Sparky- first date, then total lockdown a few days later. Result: months in limbo .

I do like a hotel night @crackofdoom

And I just saw a notification from Mr Castle ... 😁 spoke to soon. I'm not bothered about constant messaging until Tuesday tho

I am really fucking glad Mr Double Decker suggested a hotel (so much more relaxing than having to have someone round here and do all that tidying ), and, just having had the briefest of looks at Air B'n'B, doubly glad that it's him who's offered to organise (and pay for!) it. Looks the the curse of Cornwall is carrying on long, long after the summer holidays this year.....

Yy to hotels being nice crack - especially if we’re all going to be locked down a bit of a “break from home” is nice

Just had a nice WhatsApp chat session with MrC - even if it doesn’t work out he’s definitely raised my emotional/social standard for dating.

I’m quite used to getting into fairly weird interactions/where I have to be a fixer or communication is difficult (too intense or too cold).

The kind of guy who is brilliant on paper or in their professional field but leaves me feeling

So someone who is just fairly pleasant and friendly and responsive and mainstream is nice.

He’s missing me, worried about work (the industry is double hammered with oil prices and Covid so trying to keep the bosses happy) , looking forward to seeing me, asked if there’s anything he can do to help out....

This is usually the kind of emotionally weird fuckwit I gravitate towards and get emotionally involved with

If i read one more profile telling me what a GSOH they have or how funny they are without actually using that small written opportunity to prove it by, you know, actually writing a few witty words I'm going to throw in the towel and set up my own dating app for non-fuckwits only.

@Ruralbliss

If i read one more profile telling me what a GSOH they have or how funny they are without actually using that small written opportunity to prove it by, you know, actually writing a few witty words I'm going to throw in the towel and set up my own dating app for non-fuckwits only.

Yes to that! Show don't tell. And then they go into detail - my humour is sarcastic/dry. When in fact, their 'humour' is just unfunny!

To quote When Harry Met Sally: "Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humour".

Sounds like quite a few of you have some good irons on the go which is great

Just wanted to say a huge thanks for the advice on going on date number 3 after my ex became incredibly difficult. The situation with my ex is only really getting worse but I went on the date and we have such a good connection. He asked for another date and so I decided I needed to be frank about the situation. It’s one of those where I was not looking for a serious ltr and just out to have fun. I was certainly not expecting to get past a second date. I didn’t go into the details but said the main points and he just said it only effects him if it effects me and he still wanted to go on another date. So I am. Tomorrow.

He’s gone out of his way every date but not been in any way pushy or OTT. I have all of my barriers firmly but there is a part of me that’s thinking he may actually be one of the good ones. Only time will tell I suppose!

I kid thee not this is screenshot from a real profile....

@Awholenewlife123 I'm really happy for you and have followed your story a bit. My ex is difficult too and I think if I met someone else and told him, it would be difficult as when he gets drunk, he lashes out and can become threatening. For me personally I think this will be an issue for my current partner in time but I always like to hear of success stories as it gives me hope that someone will love me no matter what.

@Awholenewlife123 yeay for a good one. Enjoy date 4

cravingthelook level Adam is a whole new level of fuckwittery. If you're Adam, fuck off even if you're 10/10.

@cravingthelook that is insane! Do they honestly think they are the prize. How wrong they are.

We are the prize

Got my nightly shitfaced selfie from MrVW in the pub and the four word text telling me his day was busy.

I sent a gif back as a response a few hours later. Not sharing any info about my day to tempt him into a convo and resisting the enormous urge to say 'Are we getting together or what?'

Annoyingly I fancy him in each and every unflattering pic he sends and just want to do X-rated things with him.

Oh my MrVW just texted me 'So Saturday...what's the plan?'

Hoorah hasn't forgotten or binned me off!

Oooooooooooooooooh am getting all unnecessary at just the thought of being in his presence again.

Being cool and not 'Why the hell are you so rubbish at texting' and getting on with being me seemed to be the right thing to do.

Suggested another pub meal, an autumnal stroll or something more relaxed/cosy. He chose the latter. With a classic no frills three word text.

Eeeeek. Am both excited (very) and strangely terrified. Not like me.