Dating Thread 195 - Level Dean, home of serious women who actually talk

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Good luck @crackofdoom

Nice one @cravingthelook

(I can’t think of a nicer place for a city romantic walk than Dean Village)

All quiet here sitting on my hands waiting for MrC to get in touch and just getting on with stuff.

If they’re isolating in a hotel and he’s bored stiff I’ll mention I’d like to think of some quality time stuff to do together when he’s back, and see what he comes up with...

Good luck @crackofdoom fingers crossed you have your wild weekend with hot sex & hallucinogens

@UtterSocks Good for you for sticking to your principles with Mr Knight.

My phone date was good. Just got off and have dinner arranged for Fri night.
He's not been allowed to see his two kids for 5 years since he split from his monster ex wife.
This is a new one for me. My wise daughter said 'Hmmmm there may be alternative version of that story'.

Anyone come across similar? I would have thought courts would insist on access unless there was a good reason not to allow and even then supervised access.

Still it was a great conversation with lots in common and good humour and mutual interest in each other.

No word from Mr VW apart from how he's sunk a bottle of wine and a shitfaced selfie which I ignored. What a disappointment. I was so into him and his gorgeousness just a week ago.

Loving the distraction of multi-dating... Much better.

Your restraint is impressive bunkbed - I hope he gets in touch tonight.

ruralbliss it does seem extreme - what kind of mother doesn't want a break from her kids and the opportunity for them to spend time with their dad, unless there is something seriously wrong with him? For 5 years? Or maybe she is a beast, they do exist... I hope you find out more about that situation as you find out more about him.

Ooh cravingthelook, are you going to meet Mr Castle again for some, er, "fun"? (Fun is a most over used word on Fab it seems!)

uttersocks Men on Fab take a LOT of winnowing. A lot of people have the perception that it's easy to get laid as a woman on Fab- well, I suppose it is, if you have no standards . But, after having deleted about 70% of the messages I receive straight off (no photos, photos and I don't fancy them, one word messages, something offputting or disrespectful in either message or profile), and put at least 50% of the remaining messages on file for another day because they're potentially OK but meh, a lot of the men you actually respond to do fizzle out pretty fast, either because they can't sustain an intelligent conversation or, I don't know, once they actually get talking to a woman they realise they're not actually man enough for a NSA encounter......and then, of the few you DO arrange to meet with some of them wimp out at the last minute, and even the ones that follow through for a social end up dropping off the radar.... the ones that do have genuine FWB potential are probably, I don't know, about 1% of the men on there...I have found a few diamonds, but by God it's quite hard work!!

Well done @Bunkbedpeople ... are you in Edinburgh???

I feel a thread meet coming on, especially when the world is back to normal and @Dancerinthemoonlight gets to come and visit.

So Mr Castle has been in touch and we've made plans for dinner in at mine (next Tuesday (he's happy to bring takeout but I suggested I could cook) and we will relax. He's offered a massage to get rid of my house move stress (well it is a fab match) and that actually sounds nice. 😁

Nothing much to update here. Dating has taken a little more of a back seat at the moment while I work on myself and areas of my life. I haven't been on a date in 2 weeks and think it's the longest time without an official break. Not that it's a bad thing as so many other things are filling my time at the moment. I'm wondering maybe to take a break until the new year at the end of November; it would be nice not to buy a man a Christmas present and receive nothing in return for the 3rd year running. Cheating tosser who I was with Xmas 2018 present hadn't been delivered yet and Mr Surgery didn't even bother to make excuses apart from 'his financial situation' - now realize he was a cocklodger lite and would have turned into an actual cocklodger of I hadn't have discovered his scamming and lying ways.

I have a few chats on the go; a few of them have passed the week to meet so I probabaly won't end up meeting them. Think some of them are more of there as an I'm bored and want a woman to talk to and entertain me.
I have a potential date with an iron I will call Mr Surgeon (I know, I'm amazing at thinking up names 😂) he is a general surgeon who is right at the upper end of my age cut off. It depends on if he is an old 37 or a young 37, claims to be a gentleman on his bumble profile so potentially heading into Dean territory. He has asked me if I drive so I'm just waiting for the you come to me date suggestion. He is about 30 miles from me and in a different tier group.

ruralbliss Your daughter is indeed wise.

I think it's.....possible that some women out there find ways to stop their kids fathers seeing them. I think, however, that they are far, far, FAR fewer than the women who get accused of doing so by their exes .

cravingthelook Lovely evening firmly pencilled in for Tuesday- result!

@crackofdoom it seems so. It's definitely more likely to be a regular FWB.

Brilliant description of FAB, I've managed 4 social meets from there now tho.

I've got 2 other very good chats on the go other than mr Castle... one local and one in Newcastle... I'd have definitely met the latter by now if he was closer, but we are thinking of a cheeky half way night away.

I'm howling with woe and consternation at 37 being at the very upper end of your age limits dancer....it's at the very lower end of mine! .

Tomorrow's Fab date is at my very upper age limit - 10 years older than me, at 56 (in fact, my limit was set to 55, which he was when we started chatting- it was his birthday a few days ago). I am a bit concerned about this (as is he!), but he's obviously very fit (hikey-climby rather than hikey-bikey), so I'll just have to see what I think in the flesh.

Hi all, can I join. I’ve been OLDing since May and reading this thread has been so so helpful in ensuring I don’t think I’m insane! I’d been taking a break after one too many ghostings/awful encounters but decided to head back to Bumble last week. Started chatting to an iron on Sunday, called in the evening, coffee yesterday and going round to his for takeaway tomorrow. It all feels very natural but I don’t have much experience with such a quick turn around and competent responses. He’s 50 and I’m 35. Both divorced with kids so feel at a similar point in life. I’m rubbish at not over investing so going to continue here to keep me grounded.

cravingthelook crazy that you can be in an actual capital city and still have to spread your net south of the border to find a decent selection of Fab men! One of the only decent, regular, can-call-on-him-any-time ones I have found is 150 miles away (that's Mr Al Murray).And it explains why I have been expending so much effort chatting to men who theoretically live down here but actually find themselves in Wales.....

@youwillbelimitedastonumber, hi, just join in, keep chatting, we'll give advice where we can but best thing is to follow the thread rules. They keep us right.

@crackofdoom, it was he who messaged me, it was one of the best introductions so I kept chatting. As my hometown is actually Newcastle, I'd normally be there a lot more (only a 2hr drive from mine too).

Yes I'm a Geordie with a slight Scottish twang from the many years I've been here. ... I've actually yet to find a man that hasn't LOVED my accent. My accent and my eyes are my secret weapons apparently 😁

@cravingthelook No but I know it well was there a couple weeks ago - sounds weird but I think it’s got a nicer vibe with the pubs shut?

Glad things are looking up for you with MrCastle - there’s so many aggressive/odd/difficult types on dating it’s good to have a reminder of “why it’s good and why we get out there”

Thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines I’m in bed with hot chocolate and technical textbooks for now

I heard from MrC last Saturday and the plan seems to be they’re finishing one day before the 28th then coming off ship, testing/isolating locally depending on local Covid guidelines then flying back to the UK. Then possibly one more test 🤷‍♀️ (Getting paid to isolate in five star hotel rooms in exotic locations sounds good but also there’s massive ongoing job cuts in the industry so not all rosy).

So I’d rather not get caught up in the whole “what’s happening shenanigans” if there’s scope for last minute changes.

If I don’t hear by....Sunday say....I think I’ll probably drop a quick message.

I bought some massage balls in romantic anticipation but have left the tags on and am keeping the receipt for now.

Romantic but guarded!

cravingthelook Sorry, I hope I didn't inadvertently imply you were desperate- I didn't mean that!

Also, though....two hours? Two hours, and you're in another country, bloody hell. I can't get my head around the rest of the UK being so close to itself...I'd totally consider someone a mere two hours away, which just about gets me over the Tamar and out of Cornwall!

@crackofdoom he is 10 years older than me. He has asked me where I want to meet so at least the suggestion wasn't immediately to go to him. Suggestion of maybe lunch and a walk with the comment of if we click he won't be maintaining social distancing.

@youwillbelimitedastonumber welcome. Everyone is so good at giving advice and it has been a huge wealth of knowledge for me

@crackofdoom it's fine I defo didn't think that. I took your comment that I must be picky (in a really positive way) if I'm chatting to someone in another city.
I'm very selective who I even chat to on Fab and it seems to be working.

I live 7 miles south of Edinburgh... I can be in my aunts house in Gateshead in 1hr and 55 minutes if I get a good clear run 😁 it's only 112 miles.... imagine if there was an actual motorway down the north east how fast it could be.

Re mums who don't let dad's see their kids. Its actually not uncommon. My ex had a nightmare seeing his son. Spent a lot of money and time in court. The courts always favour the mother. Its also hard to enforce a contact order. Still I wouldn't say it was enormously common, nor impossible to get round with the right legal support and dogged persistence

I'll be curious to find out about this tragic situation. He's clearly gutted but feel like there must be some big (horrible) reason a mum would refuse access to kids. Bloody hell ive got the opposite with my kids dad refusing to be a parent to our three so tasked with all the everything & no ability to have time out. Boggles my brain.

Sitting on hands to not say to Mr VW 'So are we actually meeting up on Sat or not' as (a) cool chick wouldn't give it a second thought and (b) realised I personally prefer blokes I've lost interest in to gallantly slip away rather than those who continue to text me & make my heart sink when o see their name.
Hate the rejected feeling but trying to remember that just because I'm not one man's cuppa (potentially we may still have Date 3 - it's in the diary and he's still sending me one word texts twice a day) I may well be someone else's best thing since sliced bread.

Glad I've got dinner with Mr Enthusiastic (might have to rename him Mr Tragic after the situation with his kids revealed). Is keeping me from feeling deflated, hard done by and unfanciable.

@Ruralbliss

I agree with others, it is really rare for a man not to see his kids due to a crazy wife.

The court system is easy to navigate to get access but if the mother doesnt adhere there is no punishment.

Personally its a huge deal for me, what does he do to still support his kids from afar?
Does he pay maintenance?
Does he have contact with their school and get their school reports and the option of parents evenings?
Does he still send cards and presents on special occasions or if he doesnt know where they live is he saving money in bank accounts for them to have when they are older?

No doubt my ex tells everyone he only has his daughter for 3 hours a week because I'm crazy when the reality is that he is the psycho and i cant trust him to have her any more or for longer and no overnight stays due to his harassment of me and his threats of suicide.

Yes pays their mortgage. They are still in the family home and pays maintenance and sends cards/gifts.
Sounds like he's attempted to go round and have contact but child was less than friendly.
Chilled my blood when he told me.
I'll not pry too much tomorrow as not really first date conversation and if I don't fancy him it's all a moot point as won't need to think for another moment his dire circs.
Ffs everyone I meet is so bloody complex!

(More musing as I continue to sit on hands and not text the assumed to be vanishing/going off the boil Mr VW & whinge to you lot instead)

I bloody hate it when I get a 'I guess that's a no then...' text after a 'So can I see you again?' text and I 'forget' to answer. So I'm graciously bowing out without a fuss.

I'll assume he'd have been shit in bed (although if his kissing was anything to go by he wouldn't have been but let me not think about that)