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Original poster

40th What a big let down

144 replies

Voyager121 · 12/10/2020 02:23

10 years ago my hubby wanted to go to the Indian ocean for his 40th. I booked and planned it all by myself. We spent one week away at a top luxury resort at a cost of £3,400 plus £1,200 resort fees/bill at the end of our week. It was truely amazing, he said it was his best birthday ever and promised to take me for my 40th.

He has had nearly ten years to save for my 40th but had nothing booked for it, instead I had a box of chocolates, some flowers and £950 in an envelope. Of course I thanked him but I can't help but feel upset and disappointed.

Firstly he obviously had'nt put any effort into my 40th because he hasn't made any plans or bookings to take me away as promised and yet I did absolutely everything to make sure he had a birthday to remember.

Given that he had 10 years to save, well £950 isn't even going to cover our flights there.

It's certainly not the birthday we discussed or I thought I'd have, and it just makes me feel he really doesn't care about me. He's just spent nearly £2k on his hobby, which makes me feel thats more important than me.

Would anyone else feel disappointed? Or feel unimportant?

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 12/10/2020 02:26

Happy Birthday!

That's utterly shit of him. No getting away from it.

On the bright side divorce fees in England are only £550 so you'll still have a bit left over to celebrate.

Original poster
Voyager121 · 12/10/2020 02:33

HollyBollyBooBoo thank you! Love the humour, a devorce does seem an option at the moment.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 12/10/2020 02:56

Have you spoken to him? YANBU but the first thing is to talk to him, (and of course to take his hobby stuff back and put the money in your solo holiday account)

Coolhand2 · 12/10/2020 03:00

I would be so disappointed, especially that he spent £2k on himself. I hope you tell him exactly how you feel, he should make it up to you.
Happy Birthday 🎉🎂🎊

user1481840227 · 12/10/2020 03:21

The £950 figure is just weird too. Obviously it's a nice sum of money...but it's the fact that he clearly saved or budgeted €1000 and then decided that the chocolates and flowers should come out of that Hmm instead of spending more he hadn't budgeted!

Pixxie7 · 12/10/2020 03:22

Things change, he has obviously been thinking about you otherwise why give you so much money. You couldn’t go anywhere at the moment anyway. Put it towards something nice.

oreoicecreammmm · 12/10/2020 03:25

Fuck that shit. I'd leave him. That may sound extreme but he's shown you exactly where you are on his list of priorities.

Monty27 · 12/10/2020 03:26

OP is your birthday today? Are you in UK?

oreoicecreammmm · 12/10/2020 03:26

If you don't leave him I hope you take that 950 and add a few more thousand from a joint account and fuck off on holiday somewhere without him.

widespreadpanic · 12/10/2020 03:43

I would most definitely be hurt and pissed. You put a lot of thought into his day he could’ve at least come close on your day. And spending more on his own hobby than your gift...??? That would be tough to get over.

Notarealmum · 12/10/2020 03:51

I can understand you’re disappointed, OP, but you could hardly go on an exotic holiday at the moment anyway, could you? Didn’t you discuss the situation with your husband in advance of the event?

FlorenceNightshade · 12/10/2020 04:02

Even if you take away the fact that travel isn’t practical just now I don’t see how this could have been a “shock” to you.

Did he talk to you about booking time off work, arranging flights, vaccinations etc? No. That would have been your chance to remind him of his promise. In fact I’d have started on my 39th birthday - woo next year tropical paradise etc.

Rather than letting resentment and disappointment build I’d have let him know well before now how much I was looking forward to whatever he had planned.

The hobby is a separate issue for me, you feel sidelined so talk to him about that too.

rainbowninja · 12/10/2020 04:11

I'd be pretty disappointed too OP but don't take it to mean he doesn't care, tell him how you feel and hopefully he'll get his act together. Maybe he just thought travelling was off the table right now?

Coffeecak3 · 12/10/2020 04:24

I'd be very disappointed, especially as he spent 2k on his hobby.
He sounds pretty selfish.
Use the £950. to save for the holiday you wanted and be happy that as he won't be going this time you will get the money together sooner.

moralminority · 12/10/2020 04:34

That's pretty bad of him, I agree with a pp that the flowers and chocolates came out of the money too as £950 is a bit random. It must be his 50th coming up, what's he said about that? Is he expecting a big present again?

Monty27 · 12/10/2020 04:44

OP I don't understand how you thought your DH could plan a trip away due to covid. He gave you a wad of money to spend on yourself perhaps the holiday fund is still intact and he's waiting for a safer opportunity 🤷

chatwoo · 12/10/2020 04:46

That sounds really crap.

What did your husband say when you asked about the hopes/plans you'd had before your birthday?

YellowJellyfish · 12/10/2020 04:54

Op that is really really crap. I'd be so hurt and seriously looking to see where the relationship is going. :(

And as for the PPs saying you can't get away because it's Covid. Are you serious?? I've been away abroad 3 times in the last 6 months. You do know life hasn't stopped eh?

gurteee · 12/10/2020 04:54

His 50th must be coming up then? Don't lift a finger for it!

jessstan1 · 12/10/2020 05:06

He could hardly book a trip at the moment so did what he thought was the next best thing. He may take you away somewhere when the pandemic is under control. Think of the £950 as your spending money.

FlorenceNightshade · 12/10/2020 05:12

@YellowJellyfish good for you! Not everyone is able and willing to travel due to quarantine, work commitments, health conditions, anxiety etc.

Life hasn’t stopped but it shouldn’t be “carry on as normal” Hmm

timeisnotaline · 12/10/2020 05:45

That’s a good idea. You can be a bit confused and say sorry the card didn’t say - but I assume this is the spending money so I should put it away until we think it’s safe to go on a nice holiday, and you’ll book holiday then? And wait.

JamminDoughnuts · 12/10/2020 05:45

did you not discuss it ? surely if it was coming up you must have had some reminders about it?

YukoandHiro · 12/10/2020 05:52

What type of personality is he OP? Does he usually plan events or surprises (however small)? Or has never done these things but planned to try this time after you did a special thing for him?
You have to take that into account. I would LOVE my DH to plan a mega surprise 40th for me but I know that it's just not his style and he'd never manage it. If I want something, I've got to be explicit and keep dropping the reminders... I've just come to terms with that now.
But if he would normally do something like this but has failed this time, has something changed?

NeonGenesis · 12/10/2020 06:21

In the circumstances you describe I would be very disappointed. I think you need to talk to him - maybe he still wants to take you away but is hanging fire until the pandemic blows over?

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