40th What a big let down

[Voyager121]

10 years ago my hubby wanted to go to the Indian ocean for his 40th. I booked and planned it all by myself. We spent one week away at a top luxury resort at a cost of £3,400 plus £1,200 resort fees/bill at the end of our week. It was truely amazing, he said it was his best birthday ever and promised to take me for my 40th.

He has had nearly ten years to save for my 40th but had nothing booked for it, instead I had a box of chocolates, some flowers and £950 in an envelope. Of course I thanked him but I can't help but feel upset and disappointed.

Firstly he obviously had'nt put any effort into my 40th because he hasn't made any plans or bookings to take me away as promised and yet I did absolutely everything to make sure he had a birthday to remember.

Given that he had 10 years to save, well £950 isn't even going to cover our flights there.

It's certainly not the birthday we discussed or I thought I'd have, and it just makes me feel he really doesn't care about me. He's just spent nearly £2k on his hobby, which makes me feel thats more important than me.

Would anyone else feel disappointed? Or feel unimportant?

@mam0918 Are you Meghan Markle? I’m sure you felt fantastic after a bit of communal narcissism/virtue signalling - while your plane pumped its pollutants into the environment.

Do you let them eat any cake?

Wait, he thinks you’re paying for him to go to Australia for his 50th?? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And lucky you, you get to use your much smaller gift to have half the holiday that he thinks he’s getting 🤨

Your 30th must have been the same time as his 40th, what did he get you then?

Do not buy him tickets to Australia for his 50th and that’s an order! (Also they’re not opening their borders until at least the end of next year).

Id use that £950 towards a divorce

@workshy44 OMG my exH also took me to someone else's birthday party on my birthday! wtf is wrong with these guys?

I can't believe people are making excuses for OPs DH.
OP made is crystal clear!
Since he spent 2k on himself, it just shows he knew but he didn't care.

As for covid, nothing was stopping him from still having the money ready and present a color travel brochure of where he was taking her and details about the hotel he had chosen. So it was all picked out and as soon as they were able to, they'd go.

Then he could have taken her to a lovely dinner.

He knew because he actually had the cheek to mention HIS birthday on her birthday saying she could put 950 towards HIS trip. It's like well sorry about your birthday but hey what about MY birthday.

I'm certain this isn't just a one-off of the ways he is selfish.

[quote Plentyofshit]@mam0918 Are you Meghan Markle? I’m sure you felt fantastic after a bit of communal narcissism/virtue signalling - while your plane pumped its pollutants into the environment.[/quote]
'virtue signalling' says the woman condeming the OP and bragging about how she instead would give thousands to charity PMSL

@mam0918 I’m condemning greed rather than advocating doing something greedy and pretending it’s ‘alright’ by throwing money at the locals.

PMSL

[quote Miagog]@mam0918 I’m condemning greed rather than advocating doing something greedy and pretending it’s ‘alright’ by throwing money at the locals.[/quote]
how is learning greedy?
how is paying people a fair wage in exchange for teaching their culture greedy?
how is putting money back into the struggling econnomy greedy?

I would rather put money straight in their hand and learn their story from their non agendered mouths than pay the CEO of a charities morgage - how much do you think of that £950 will make it too the people?

dont delude yourself your being 'better' because of the word 'charity' while forgoing your own experiance, segregation of culture and withdrawl from other countries doesnt help anyone neither does stagnation in a small social area both just lead to ignorance and hate

@mam0918
How is pollution from mass tourism/destruction of natural habitats for huge resorts/over consuming/overspending not greedy?? Th OP is complaining about a £950 gift and there are MANY charities struggling in the UK particularly now. I trust a charity like Cancer Research to spend a donation wisely.

I went straight to the Cancer Research website recently for some amazing advice, I used their helpline. They and other charities are REALLY struggling. I had GOSH knocking on my door today begging for help.

Think a lot of places were doing quite fine until we threw money at them wanting our greedy western ideals. Look at soy production, rainforest destruction - just so we can have mass amounts to provide feed all the chicken meat we consume (and waste).

Think some of the healthiest/fittest countries in the world are in Africa - is that where you went on holiday?

And you do realise that the no.1 reason for this pandemic is habitat destruction and loss, so if we don’t change our ways - there will be more pandemics to come.

Hes a lazy git OP
With that 3k he could have an the very least taken you to london or edinburgh, booked a lovely Michelin star tasting menu, bought you some diamonds, stayed in swanky hotel with spa and massages.
Selfish man

Weird. £950 in an envelope? Like a bribe? Unless you are a teenager that is terrible (teenagers just seem to want cash in my experience).

I turned 40 this year too right in the middle of the earlier lockdown and it was not the celebration I wanted (hopefully we can transfer that to 41 or 42), but DP didn't just stuff a bit of cash in an envelope. We had a meal (home cooked, restaurants were closed) and he got me some nice jewellery and a big IOU for much better things when this damn pandemic is over!

Sounds like you need to have a serious talk to your husband about how you spend your money and some of the basic concepts of fairness and reciprocity in a relationship.

[quote Plentyofshit]@mam0918
How is pollution from mass tourism/destruction of natural habitats for huge resorts/over consuming/overspending not greedy?? Th OP is complaining about a £950 gift and there are MANY charities struggling in the UK particularly now. I trust a charity like Cancer Research to spend a donation wisely.[/quote]
cancer research is litrally the worst charity you could use to make your point, they are one of the most corupt only half of the donations go to charity the rest go to executive, they are famously the worst for it and as a medical scientist with collegues who have worked with cancer research first hand most left due to the corruption and have some horror stories to tell lol

@mam0918 so when I used the very useful info on their website to see how to care for my mum, and phoned their helpline - it was all lies and corruption? Please link your expert knowledge with some valid articles. I would hope most medical scientists would know how to spell ‘literally’ and not use ‘lol’ or ‘pmsl’ - bit immature surely?

That's hilarious. You can use your birthday money towards his 50th? And he just spent double on his hobby. It's all me me me me me me me

Question is: what are you going to do?